Tag Archives: steroids

I Love U, Ryan Braun: UPDATED

So you all remember that time I carried that sign to the Giants-Brewers game, yes?  Yes.  It is the gift that keeps on giving.  Updated:

Lots of Love U, Ryan Braun3

Bear with my awkward photoshopping.  I didn’t have any coffee until 6 this evening and it was sort of cold and watery.  I’m not in any state to edit photos.

Also, welcome back, Ramon Ramirez!  While the Giants have figured out how to make off with absolutely everyone from the Angel Pagan-Andres Torres-Ramon Ramirez trade, the Mets are, uh, getting a casino.  (Incidentally, where does one get a casino?  Can I get one?  Like, for my living room?)  At least they live in New Yor—haha, but it’s Queens.  So it doesn’t count.  Sorry, guys.  Rough times.

Diamond Girl

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Say Hello to the Gullible Giants!

The word is that Guillermo Mota is on a plane to join the Giants in Houston.  I mean, he might not actually be on the plane anymore, because Houston’s pretty close, but the point is: he’s a-coming back.  Yep.

I’m pretty ambiguous on this front.  I don’t have a problem with them bringing him back post-PEDs.  I don’t think it’ll solve any problems, but I’m not against it, either.  Still, I am a little disturbed by their claim (which MLB officially agrees with) that they believe his whole daughter’s-cough-syrup defense.  Granted, the specifics of the case aren’t public and there may have been really overwhelming evidence, but still… I have a hard time believing it.  By “Hard time” I mean, “Who am I kidding, I don’t believe it at all.”

What I am wondering, though, is what else I could get the Giant to believe.  This could be fun!  Say hello the Gullible Giants.  Here are a few other things they believe:

The cough syrup defense is looking increasingly plausible, actually.

Diamond Girl

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MCM – Melky Cabrera Mess, That Is

Holy Melky Cabrera.  One of America’s most trusted news sources, the New York Daily News, got their feet wet in the MCM (Melky Cabrera Mess, that is) today with a story about how he did some insignificant things like cheating and lying and creating a fake website to cover his tracks and then presenting aforementioned fake website as proof that he didn’t cheat and lie.  You can read the story here if you so choose, but if you’d rather just go watch Shattered Glass for the lowdown on why Melky – I mean, Stephen Glass, is an unhinged sociopath, by all means, do it.  That is one of my favorite movies of all times, aside from my sneaking suspicion that it’s actually scientologist propaganda.  Since it’s produced by Tom Cruise, y’know.

Anyhow!  Back to the point at hand.  Just when you thought the MCM couldn’t get any worse… it did.  Cabrera’s camp is already distancing themselves from the person/people who cooked up the (un)brilliant fake website scheme and in turn, the Giants organization is distancing themselves from Melky’s camp.  It’s just hard to know, in general, how it all went down and although there may be more info within the history of his appeal, etc., that’s all confidential for the moment.  So we’ll have to live with the bits and pieces that our favorite New York Daily News drags up.

I’d say I’d rather just watch some baseball, but I’m biting-my-finger-nails-nervous about the upcoming series in LA and the momentum from the fab first two games in San Diego were kind of crushed today.  Vogelsong struggled, as has been the story for him lately.  I have to think fatigue is playing a role at this point and the specifics of his struggles would point to that – he doesn’t seem mechanically terribly off and no signs point to injury.  The season is long and August is a hard month to grind through, not two ways about it.

Still, with first place on the line on August 20th, you have to think everyone will be bringing their A-game tomorrow.  And maybe their fake websites too, but only if we’re very lucky.

You think Hayden Christensen can play Melky in the upcoming movie, Spilled Melk?  (Credit to the @cjholley8 on Twitter for coming up with that one.  I saw it when it was retweeted by the always fantastic Adam Penenberg.  Who was, incidentally, the one who uncovered the real Stephen Glass.)

Diamond Girl

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A Leaked Invitation to the “Just Chill Out™ Dinner” for Ryan Braun and MLB Execs

It’s not as exciting as a Royal Wedding invitation.  But nearly.  Very nearly.

Who:  Ryan Braun and the MLB executives who so vehemently disagree with the ruling on his PED case

When:  A nice warm evening whenever

Where:  A soothing dining room

What:  This intimate dinner is designed to help everyone meet cordially and discuss their issues in a non-threatening environment.  Presented by Just Chill Out, Inc.™

All the details:  When faced with an issue like this, famous people and organizations tend to do their cat-fighting through the media and cryptic statements.  While these do serve to get out the angst you’re proabably feeling inside you, it doesn’ t ultimately help with the underlying issues.  Our dinners present an opportunity to really tresh out your feelings in a confidential, face-to-face setting.

With a menu including a wide array of delicious foods that are specially designed to help mellow you out, this dinner is truly the whole package.  Starting with a hearty bowl of chicken soup for the disillusioned ballplayer soul and ending on a high note with a dark chocolate lava cake that is sure to leave everyone smiling, tensions will let up before you can blink an eyelash.  We also serve warm milk with every course which does the calming job fast.

Group therapy has never been so fun!

Call 1-800-CHIL-OUT (hey, Chill Out was too many digits) if you have any questions at all and get ready to solve your problems productively and delectably.

Terms and conditions apply.  Void where prohibited, where there are no cool celebrities and/or if you do not like chocolate lava cake.  Just Chill Out, Inc.™ reserves the right to flee the country at any time if you have a food fight with your enemy and trash the premises.  We do not cover medical bills if you get food poisoning after a Just Chill Out, Inc.™ dinner nor can we guarantee results of any kind.  BYO disillusioned ballplayers.

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Ryan Braun = Question Mark (+Organic Oreos and Stuff)

Well.  So.  Ryan Braun.  These past few months have been a bit a roller coaster, in terms of my love for Braun.  Take a look:

And the newest addition to the bunch:

Yeah.  I am officially turning into a baseball schizophrenic, I think.  When the original positive test was reported, I was as surprised as I ever am by a positive test and that means not very surprised at all.  I’m a cynic like that, I s’pose.  But his stance on it was intriguing all the same.  There is a certain element of ‘fessing up or staying quiet and he didn’t do either.  So I sat tight and ate organic Oreos and scrolled through my Twitter feed non-obsessively, 24 hours a day.  Then when it was finally overturned and he was declared innocent yesterday, I stopped mid-oreo cookie (I eat them by breaking off the top and then eating the rest whole, in case you’re wondering) and felt decidedly suspicious.  It seems to be in everyone’s best interest, in many ways, for him to be innocent I was once again rather cynical.

But then there was MLB’s nasty statement (agree or disagree, people, it was pretty nasty) and Braun’s presser this morning.  And I’m leaning decidedly on the, He is innocent side now.

He’s awfully convincing, isn’t he?  And the process seems shady enough that while he may or may not really be innocent, there isn’t enough solid info on the other side to call him guilty.  We’ll have to see where it goes from here, but for now I am leaving that question mark at the end of my sign.  Knowing the sharp-toothed media, we’ll probably discover more about this in the coming days/weeks/months, which I’m curious to see, but I hope we can all just settle down a bit and watch baseball too.

On a lighter note, the terrible hair that was Braun’s during the 2011 postseason appears to have gone bye-bye.  This is good news indeed!

I didn’t really get the jacket, though. Why so many pockets and buttons?  Less is more, Ryan.  Less is more.

Diamond Girl

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