Tag Archives: star wars

The Completely True and Previously Untold Story of Matt Kemp

Matt Kemp doesn’t like people to know this, but he was a total hippie, man.  He was actually there during the Summer of Love in 1967.  Pictures or it didn’t happen?

Matt Kemp Summer of Love

It happened.

He even starred in a cool psychedelic poster a couple years later after they, uh, invented color photography.

Make Love Not War

Probably the only hippie ever to wear a bowtie.  He also wasn’t exactly a longhair, but don’t judge a book by its cover.

Anyhows, after the 60s were over he wised up and George Lucas helped him into this carbon-freeze technology that he was testing Star Wars, so Matt’s youth was preserved for his great comeback to humanity as a baseball player and boyfriend to pop stars everywhere in 2003.

There you have it.  The completely true and previously untold story of Matt Kemp.

Diamond Girl

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Eggplant and A Bruce Bochy Revelation

So I was eating eggplant this evening, which was really good, and kind of thinking about things and Angel Pagan’s hair (Bay Area Sports Guy says it’s mullet-y, but I can’t decide if I believe that or not) and then I realized I hadn’t blogged in a week and so that was the end of the eggplant and time to blog.

Ahem.

Spring Training’s been pretty sleepy so far, with a whole bunch of ties, which would be nice and football-y, except there’s no David Beckham involved.  So not all that nice at all.  Brock Bond has not been sleepy at all and he got Bruce Bochy to say, “He’s going to get some playing time,” which is pretty much a revelation when you consider Bochy’s usual, “Mmm something about a platoon mmm probably get back to me in like 25 years and maybe I’ll give you a straight answer.”

Kind of mind-blowing, if you think about it.

One of the things that surprises me each year about Spring Training –and evidently I have the memory of a goldfish because I don’t, you know, remember year to year –is that they let the media speak to the players while games are still going on.  It’s a bit like when they grab the players at breaks in basketball games, in that a) it’s freaky b) it’s uninformative.  As far as I can tell they only interview baseball players who aren’t coming back into the game, which is different.  But still.

Let’s all pause for a moment now to reflect on the brilliance of Yu Darvish, who made his 2013 debut a few day ago.

Also, remember how he has Ranger-themed headphones?!

On an unrelated note, happy 40th birthday to The Dark Side of the Moon!  I know people like to listen to it while watching The Wizard of Oz, but has anyone tried it with Star Wars because I think it would blow your mind.

Diamond Girl

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Yawning Pitchers and People Who Say the NL West is the New AL East

I shouldn’t be feeling this optimistic after a series loss to Arizona.  But I am.  Partially, probably, because the Dodgers lost last night to San Diego, which is even worse than losing to Arizona.  So that’s good.  And I maintain that I think the Giants are doing a lot of things right at the moment.  Sure, they got no-hit into the seventh last night and the pitching staff is kind of yawning and saying, Is this over yet? but none of that changes the fact that they’ve held onto a four game lead with the Dodgers coming in tomorrow night.  The Dodgers can’t take a division lead no matter what happens this weekend, remember?

Vogey is this close to taking a nap right there in the dugout.  Man after my own heart.

The Chosen One is facing Tim Lincecum tomorrow, as well, in a funny turn of events.  He sadly does not bear a great resemblance (read: no resemblance at all) to the Best Chosen One Ever – Luke Skywalker, of course – but he was supposed to bring balance to The Force and stuff when he came to LA, so it should be interesting to see what he does, facing the opponent in this pennant.  I think I promised not to use “interesting” in relation to Tim Lincecum again, so just intuit how I feel about him, okay?

Okay, maybe a teensy resemblance.

Lastly, to people who are saying the NL West is the new AL East… you’re probably the same people who say pink is the new black every season.  No.  Just no.  Pink will never replace black and the NL West will be never the AL East.  Particularly not with the Giants as the Red Sox.  I mean, to add insult to injury.  Couldn’t we at least be the Yankees?  Couldn’t a sensible color like blue be the new black?

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Since there seems to have been a rash of on-field fights across Major League Baseball, now seems like a good moment to break out the, “Peace out!  And check out my ump-themed tote!” photo.

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Say Hello to the Marco Scutaro Jokes

Before I get to the fabulousness of Marco Scutaro, I just want to comment on the other (semi)major storyline of today’s game. Courtesy of @RaelEnteenCSN on Twitter, we found out that Hunter Pence bought a new scooter and rode it to the ballpark today. He parked it in the clubhouse but then somebody took it for a joyride. That somebody being Marco Scutaro. (In other news, Twitter has completely ruined practical jokes, similarly to how it’s ruined gift-giving. Seriously, how many times a day do you see people tweeting about the gifts they’re going to give on Twitter? Do they really think the future recipient can’t, you know, look at their tweets?) Anyway. Back to the point. I took one thing away from this story. Say Marco Scutaro’s name out loud and you’ll understand.

Ahem. We’re going to leave that blip of immature hilarity in our past now, okay?

Scutaro did other things than have a name like a scooter. When there were runners in RISP – amazing enough to begin with – and it was the tenth and it was tied and we reallyreallyneededawin Scutaro came through and hit the ball did just that for the Giants on Labor Day and Star Wars Day and Orange-Banana Smoothie Day. Okay, I made that last part up. But still. A lot of people really came through and although Zito ended up struggling, after starting off quite well, the team put together a win. Aubrey Huff had his first at-bat since June when the Giants played the Rangers in the Best Series Ever and got a single and Guillermo Mota, cough syrup in hand – I kid, I kid – pretty much bombed. An interesting day over all and a very, very good win.

I’m off to celebrate Labor Day now. Speaking of kidding. I’ve never really understood how to celebrate Labor Day, but I haven’t watched The Hobbit trailer in a while and there all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies in the house, so that sounds like a celebration to me.

Diamond Girl

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Intergalactic Play Proposal

Dear Major League Baseball,

Emily here.  You know, the one who talks too much about your big boss Bud Selig and comments on baseball-related footwear.  That’s me.

Anyhow, the Giants are kicking off Interleague Play in San Francisco tonight against the Oakland A’s and, well, I am none too happy about it.  Interleague Play and I just don’t get along.  But seeing as it seems to be yourfavoritethinginthehistoryoftheworld (weird, but that is not the point), I have decided that if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  Original epiphany, no?

But I am not just joining.  I am raising you one.  I hereby propose Intergalactic Play!

Them wookies throw wicked curveballs.

Not to mention, they obviously already feel totally at home at AT&T Park.

And in terms of expanding baseball farther so we can all get more money and BMWs and Hawaii vacations and things, talk about an untapped market.  All they have to entertain them is pod racing.  And I’ve only seen, oh, the ten minutes they put into The Phantom Menace but it was a serious snore, even just in that quantity.  After five hundred Star-Wars-elongated lifetimes of that?  I bet they are ready for some baseball.  (On an a somewhat unrelated note, I have always suspected that people in Star Wars land live so long because it takes George Lucas so damn long to make a new movie.  But that’s just a suspicion on my part.)

What do y’all think?  If you’re interested, message me on Pinterest or whatever.

In the meantime, I will just go to my happy place and imagine Watto as a GM.  Because he would be the best GM ever, hands down.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  May is Official Star Wars Month.  I have an excuse to do things like this.

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