Tag Archives: sports

Top 5 Ways to Be a Well-Liked Professional Athlete

Actually, these don’t just apply to professional athletes.  They sorta apply to everyone.  But with all the trouble athletes have been getting into these past few months, I thought I’d throw out of a few pro tips.

5.  Even if a team offers you a unique concept deal (is that like a concept album, JD?), do everyone a favor and be polite about declining it.  I’m not getting over this one any time soon, Josh Hamilton.  But have fun in Anaheim.  I hear it’s a great city.  Hahahaha.

4.  Don’t go to the airport drunk and without ID.  But should you happen to fall into that situation, instagraming some inspiration quotes should get you out of the public’s doghouse pretty fast.  Okay, Sergio Romo?  Okay.

3.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Especially promises like, I’ll be ready for Opening Day after my second Tommy John surgery.  There’s no shame in recovery.  But there is some shame in your words being a whole lot bigger than what you can actually do.  Hiya, Brian Wilson.

2.  Don’t dope and then lie about it.  Important: if you’re going to do it, though, try not to, oh, alienate absolutely everyone else in the sport.  Having allies is a good thing, Lance.

1.  Don’t have an imaginary dead girlfriend.  This is a big one.  However, if you go against my advice, give the Associated Press the name of a real city when asked where she was (not) buried.  Carson City, California sounds like Wonderland, though.   I wish I could go there.

Happy-January-is-inching-by-soon-it-will-be-time-for-Spring-Training Day!

Diamond Girl

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A Book Recommendation for Mat Latos and an Address for Your Get Well Soon Cards

“Baseball works in funny ways. The only way I could honestly put it is, we could be like the Giants and go and change our whole lineup, put guys with ‘San Francisco Giants’ across their jerseys. We didn’t.”

In San Francisco Giants lore, Mat Latos will forever live on as That Guy who said the above quote near the end of the 2010 season.  To say he garnered criticism would be a massive understatement.  Livid hate would be more spot on.

And then there was me, giving far too much benefit of the doubt to him and repeating, “Legitimate point said by the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time,” so many times that my mind started filling it in, a la auto-correct.  Just kidding.  Sort of.

Point being, he then turned around that offseason and auctioned off three balls on which he wrote, “I Hate SF!”

I stopped defending him after that.

I still maintain he had a point originally, but the level of classlessness basically totally overshadows that.

I can’t say I was heartbroken to hear he was traded to the Reds today, although it does rob us the satisfaction of seeing our boys in orange and black take him into McCovey Cove every other week.  (Every other week because the Giants play the Padres so. much.)

I do have one recommendation for him, though, before he departs the NL West:

In fact, I don’t know what kind of libraries they have in Cinci, but ‘round here the library has a whole big section on manners and etiquette.  Might find that useful, Mat.  Just might.

In other news, yes, this is totally me pretending to live in England and be 58 and crazy into football.  Get Well Soon cards can be directed to Diamond Girl/AT&T Park/Cot in Center Field/San Francisco, California.

Diamond Girl

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