Tag Archives: season

Super Bowl Sunday? Nah. MLB Monday.

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I crawled out of hibernation this morning and noticed a few things:

*It’s sunny.  And warm.  The sky is deep blue and cloudless.  Then I read that the Bay Area has some of the best weather in the country right now.

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*The cherry trees are blooming

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*I kind of want a Chrysler.  And I kind of want to move to Detroit.  Easy, I said, “kind of”.  As in “very sort of”.  No immenent (or Eminemt) plans right now or anything.

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* Super Bowl Sunday is finito.

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And that can all only mean one thing:

It’s MLB Monday.

You can whoop right about now.

We’ve have just about made it out of the offseason alive and I see light at the end of the tunnel.

Giant, sunny weather cheers!

::clinks orange juice glass::

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Diamond Girl

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Script: My Conversation with Brian Sabean

Time: The Present

Setting:  Post-apocalyptic San Francisco with red tinged sky and eerie silence, except for bats flying around.  Okay, fine.  It’s an office at AT&T Park.  I was trying just to liven things up.  Brian Sabean and Diamond Girl are sitting in the office.  Sabean is wearing a grey suit, minus jacket.  DG is wearing a sweater dress, jeggings and boots.  Her perfume is Amber by Prada and her purple eyeshadow is from MAC. 

DG:  Hello, Brian!

Sabean (looking slightly suspicious):  Hello, Diamond Girl.

DG:  You know, I’m so glad to meet you.  I’ve always been a huge fan of yours.

Sabean (Looking very suspicious):  Huh.  Funny I saw on your blog that you stopped rooting for the Giants in the World Series because you were unhappy with me.

DG:  Uh, no.  That totally didn’t happen. 

Diamond Girl subtly pulls out iPod Touch and deletes the post he is referencing.

DG:  Anyway, Sabes.

Sabean:  Brian.  Or Mr. Sabean.  Or GM Extraordinaire.   Whatever.  Just not that horrible nickname.   I can’t stan–

DG:  Okkkkaayyy.   Moving right along.  What I was trying to say is just that I think you’ve done a great job at setting up your team to repeat in 2011.

Sabean:  Who gave you this meeting?  I have better ways to spend my time than listening to fangirls tell me why my team is awesome.

DG:  I have my ways.  Of getting meetings.

The scene fades and there is a flashback of DG in a witch hat over a cauldron saying an incantation to get a meeting with Brian Sabean.  Scene flashes back.

DG:  Actually, GM Extrordinai–

Sabean:  Please.  I wasn’t being serious.  That was just an example.

DG:  Oh.  Sorry.  Okay.  Mr. Sabean.  I actually have an idea for y’all.

Sabean:   Do enlighten me.

DG:  You know how you’ve always had that sort of loser-hanger-oner-starter the past few years?

Sabean:  Like Wellemeyer or Joey.

DG:  Right.  Who do you think is going to fill that role this year?

Sabean:  We’re World Series champs, Diamond Girl.  We don’t need loser-hanger-oner-starters.

DG:  I beg to differ.  And the great part is that this interesting, talented, only slightly loser-hanger-oner-starter was just DFA’ed.

Sabean:  That’s too good to be true!

DG:  But it is true.  His name is Armando Galarraga and the Tigers DFA’ed him.  Sure, there’s a 2.5 million dollar contract there, but we got money, right?

Sabean:  Wow, Diamond Girl!  What a great idea!

Sabean turns to phone and calls Dave Dombrowski .  Within a few minutes, the deal is complete. 

Exeunt DG and Sabean.  Scene fades.

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500 Facts to Brighten Your Blue Monday

No, you misread the title.  It said 5 facts to brighten your Blue Monday.

Not that my Monday needs any brightening.  But I just read that today is something called Blue Monday- a day called by “scientists” the most depressing day of the year.  Reading that was the most depressing thing that’s happened to me all day, honestly, but I figure some of you might need brightening.  So.  5 Facts to Brighten Your Blue Monday.

5.  Josh Hamilton left the hospital today, after being there for five days with pneumonia.  Wishing him a smooth rest-of-recovery.

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4.   Albert Pujols will not leave the Cardinals.  If we repeat that enough times, it will totally come true.  Join hands.  Positive affirmations only.

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3.  Moneyball comes out in 249 days.  I am still not sold on the whole Brad Pitt thing but I am, evidently, counting the days ’til it comes out.

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2.  And since we’re doing the whole countdown thing here, it’s 73 days until the Ultimate Day, a.k.a. Opening Day.  And I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I just realized the home opener is on a special day for me.  No, I’m not getting married or moving to the set of Lord of the Rings.  Nothing like that.  It’s a, you know, recurring special day.  I will reveal more to my obviously riveted audience later.

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1.  The Giants won the World Series.  Say it out loud, for good measure.  I know it’s become sort of common knowledge now, but it does serve to remember it.

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And here’s to a less depressing tomorrow.  ::clinks orange juice glasses::

Diamond Girl

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Why Barbra Streisand is a Better Awards Show Host than Harold Reynolds and Greg Amsinger

They should have just re-named the This Year in Baseball Awards the Giants Rule the Universe Awards, for 2010.  Seriously, we stole the show.  I agreed with most the selections, although I think Madison and Cain are overlooked way too much.  In my mind, one of them should have been Postseason MVP (or, you know, that guy named Cody Ross who hits homeruns obsessively?) instead of Timmy.  Not to say Lincecum didn’t do well- even very, very well- but in my mind he wouldn’t be the postseason MVP. 

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Cain and MadBum seem happy enough, though.

And then I sort of think looking at the 2010 payrolls (from US Weekly’s website) tells its own story:  one of the teams in the World Series had the ninth highest payroll, one had the 27th.  Sabean was brilliant about handling his team, no doubt, but I think Daniels should have been Executive of the Year. 

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The dorky player photo thing obviously transcends the field.  It applies to the front office too.

What really annoyed me about the Gibby’s, though, was how the hosts of the presentation show, Harold Reynolds and Greg Amsinger, announced a winner and then explained who they thought should have won and showed a highlight reel for that person.  Then they talked briefly about the actual winner.  Can you imagine if Barbra Streisand had announced Kathryn Bigelow as Best Director and then explained why James Cameron should have won and shown clips of Avatar?  Not cool, MLB.  Not cool at all.

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Diamond Girl

p.s.  Utterly off-topic, but The Voyage of the Dawn Treader is the best Narnia movie yet.  King Caspian lost the Spanish-ish accent (and upgraded from his title of Prince) and it’s absolutely beautiful and very funny.  It’s slightly overdone at points, but if you need some offseason distraction, Diamond Girl says check it out.

And the Teenage Girl with Ichiro Being the “Ultimate Teenage Girl” should have won Fan Moment of the Year.  Ichiro ran into her trying to catch a ball and she is decked out in tons of Mariners gear.  Bo the Bailer has a lame nickname and no girlfriend.  Obvious winner much?

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Olives, Life, Baseball and Sunglasses, Feat. Jon Daniels in D&G Sunglasses (Yes, I Edited It)

My little brother was trying to wake me up this morning and having a bit of a difficult time.  So he said, “Emily, Matt Holliday was traded!”  “Mmm… to who?”  (It should have been “to whom”, but I was half-asleep so my grasp of the English grammatical system was slightly impaired.)  “The Mets!  For Johan Santana!”  I sat up straight.  “No way!”  Yeah, no way.  He wasn’t traded.  But I am awake now.

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So then I was eating olives and thinking about life.  And baseball.  And sunglasses.  And I realized that although Jon Daniels is obviously a good GM (Executive of the Year, people!) he has some style issues.  Namely, the sunglasses.

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They are atrocious, in my humble opinion.  Too small, too tight, too wannabe sporty.  So I decided to find some better ones.  These D&G frames are a little larger and have a hint of aviator, which is flattering to some face shapes.  Since he might not want to fork down the money for D&G sunglasses, there’s this guy in the Westfield Shopping Center in San Fran who sells fake designer stuff, who I’d like to recommend.  He tries to sell me a different designer every time I go there.

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I was going to give Jayson Werth some sunglasses advice, in honor of his, you know, huge and basically endless contract until I remembered that no matter how good the sunglasses are you have to look good underneath.  So step 1 is to cut his hair and shave off the beard.  After that, I can give some advice.  I’m thinking Versace.

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The.  Winter.  Meetings.  Begin.  Tomorrow.  Be excited.  Be very excited.

Diamond Girl

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