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My Name Is Emily and I Don’t Vote for the All Star Game

I am an unabashed lover of the dollar store.  Because the dollar store is pretty much the greatest thing since the doughnut store next door.  That’s right, there’s a doughnut store next to the dollar store.  I rest my case.

Anyhow, I’m telling you this because I was there a few weeks ago and there was this plastic flamingo balloon thing and in that moment I was absolutely positive it was going to change my life, plus it was a dollar (mostly that), so obviously I bought it.  Also obviously: I regretted it the second I got it out the door.  It’s one of those things you can’t ever get rid of, though.  Like, I’ve tried.  I’ve stashed it away where I think I’ll never have to see it again, but it just keeps resurfacing.  And I can’t be bothered to just throw it away, so the flamingo is here to stay, I think.  I’ve named it Stephanie.

flamingo

This is the actual flamingo.  Thanks, internet.  I’ll forgive you for the time when you hated me and wouldn’t load pages, by which I mean every day.  Actually, I don’t forgive you.

I’m telling you that because it’s kind of a powerful analogy that I’d like to use for the fact that I haven’t voted for the All Star Game in about four years, with one notable exception.  (Which I will get to later.)  But I just can’t bring myself to angle away from my Twitter/pretty exceptional Spotify playlists/enough What To Wear and What Not To Wear Article to Paper All the Walls of My Theoretical Mansion in Malibu and get to voting.

That’s not quite it.  I could probably drag myself away from those riveting things mentioned above if I cared about voting, but I don’t.  I don’t much like the All Star Game and I’m never sure who to vote for so I sometimes write in Joe Martinez and Eugenio Velez and Dave Grohl, because really, what baseball needs is an celebrity All Star Game, like the NBA has.  I mean, Jack White is totally closer material.

So that’s why I don’t vote, I guess?  But I do like that by being a Giants fan I get the reputation of being a ballot-stuffer.  It’s kind of like being really badass by association, no leather jacket or motorcycle needed.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Oh yes!  The story about the time I did vote.  It was when Yu Darvish was up for the final vote.  I think I voted 75 times, or whatever the maximum is.  Because I love Yu.  I also might have been really bored or hyped on coffee that day?  I can’t remember.  I also can’t remember if he ended up winning that and I’m too lazy to reach for the Google, so I’ll just live with the mystery.

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Hibernation and Things

So as you guys know, I generally hibernate in the winter, but this year it’s stretched all the way into – er, is it June already?  Apparently so.  I haven’t been blogging, but I have been writing books/reading books/succeeding at waking up and eating toaster pops/drawing and making short films/getting an internship with some really lovely people who make fantastic coffee, too.  Things like that.  You’ll forgive me for not blogging, yes?

I won’t ask you to forgive these Giants, though.  I have a great deal of fondness for losing teams, in reality, and they’re certainly interesting to pick apart but… May was bad.  May was real bad.

train wreck

Hey, remember the train wreck photo?

We don’t have much of a sample size for June, but here’s hoping it’s better.   Actually, it would be difficult for it to be worse, but forget I said that because it seems a little like knocking on wood.

The injury bug has been going around, albeit not as badly as it could be.  Not like them Dodgers, at least.  Ryan Vogelsong’s injury was a big blow, especially after he seemed like he might have been getting back on track and Mike Kickham’s debut in his place was not encouraging.  Sabes and Bochy and all those people bit the bullet and started Chad Gaudin the other day and he was quite good indeed.  Only time will tell if he can continue to succeed, but it is things like that that make the narrative of the season interesting.  For instance, Ryan Vogelsong circa 2011.

I probably need to go sleep for a couple more months now, but I’ll be back eventually.  If anyone wants to hear what I thought of the punk theme at last month’s Met Gala or Evil Friends, which comes out tomorrow and may change your life, that can be arranged as well.

Stay safe, by which I mean stay off the road while I’m learning to drive.

Diamond Girl

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Karma and Manic Panic and Wookiees

I distinctly remember writing a blog post called 10 Possible Reasons People Walk Off Against the Giants So Much last June.  It’s May 9th and karma is proving that it exists and if you haven’t been to the Asian Art Museum in San Francisco, go right now.  There’s lots of fabulous stuff about karma in addition to which it’s a completely lovely museum and they have a glass elevator and stuff.  So, seriously.  Go.

Back to the point: an uncomfortable number of people walked off against the Giants last June or thereabouts.   (I’m trusting my blog on this one.  I have the memory of goldfish and can’t distinctly remember much of anything about last June.  But still.)  So now here it is, May 2013 and the Giants have turned that on its head and walked off about a million times so far this season.  5, to be exact.

Not bad, eh?

There’s a lot of panic – not the neon hairdye manic kind, get your mind out of the hipster gutter – about the starting pitching because it hasn’t been that good at all.  But I mean, while there’s Hunter Pence and hopefully more of his kind on whatever alien planet he came from who are just waiting for the right alignment of the stars to come down to earth and help us, things should be okay.

Speaking of more Hunter Pences, was I the only person who was dead convinced that Chewbecca was the only/last of his kind until all the wookiees appeared… at some point in the series?  (Er, can’t say I remember when that is, exactly.)  Anyway, I like to think Hunter Pence is the same way.  We’re all resigned to the fact he’s the only one and then in the nick of time a whole bunch of them descend.

Pictures5

Well, that’s probably enough for now.  If I missed some important news, apologies, but there are like thousands of little baseball sites here on the internet so we’ll probably all survive.

Diamond Girl

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5 Things You Probably Don’t Have to Worry About Right this Minute

Hello, people!  It’s been a while, apparently.  April basically slipped away from me, but it’s a new month now and I’m back(ish).  So yeah, I spent the better part of last month doing important things like eating M&Ms and looking at pictures of cats with sunglasses and also writing a book, which wasn’t as important, but I did do that.  Before that, I was actually trying to write a book that revolved partially around baseball but all the characters were turning out eerily like Buster Posey, so I sort of put that on hold for the time being.

Anyhow, baseball.  5 Things You Probably Don’t Have to Worry About Right this Minute.

5.  Tim Lincecum.  I think I’ve actually heard a few people say Happy Lincecum Day lately, which might point to the direction he seems to be heading.  He’s not back in form, necessarily, but he’s getting there.

4.  Matt Cain… who is decidedly not in form, but give it a little while you silly impatient people.  Rome wasn’t built in a day and all that.

3.  Jeremy Affeldt who’s coming back from the DL soon hopefully back in old Jeremy Affeldt form and hopefully with a large staff of minions to make sure that he doesn’t do anything other than walk on and off the field.  Affeldt obviously once taught humans how to use fire and getting injured all the time is the baseball gods answer to the Greek gods making Prometheus get his liver eaten out daily.  Not entirely sure which punishment is worse.

2. Bruce Bochy’s Temper.  Things got a little heated a lot of times in Arizona these past few days between Bochy and the umpires but I mean, wouldn’t you act that way if you had to hang out in Arizona for an extended period of time (more than, oh, half an hour)?

1.  Actually anything to do with the Giants?  After a claw-eyes-out-worthy rough patch there they finished April with a record of 15-12 and seem to be playing like they won’t make us cry all season, so stop worrying and start like enjoying life.

One thing worth worrying about might be that Brandon Belt has only ever been to two concerts in his life, both by the same band.  People who give out free things to celebrities, you might want to get on that.  (The Stones are coming to town!  Or, you know, Joshua Radin, if that’s more his thing.)

Diamond Girl

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The Rockies Series and Things

San Francisco woke up this morning (it is not a city that never sleeps, see) and decided to have the most picture perfect weather imaginable, so it couldn’t have been a more glorious day for the final game of the first Giants-Rockies series of the season.  From the box scores of this one, it looked like it was played at Coors Field, but it was right here in the Bay.  The Giants swept the Rockies, pulling through a rough Lincecum start yesterday and hitting up a storm behind a very good Zito start today to win 10-0.

Speaking of Zito… er, what happened?  Zito’s story with the Giants has truly been a bizarre one up to this point, but right now, there are few people the orange and black fans love more than him.  His tale of redemption is not a classic one, but it’s been ridiculously fun to follow all the same.

When the fall comes – and it’s bound to, if only for a short time – I just hope we all use our brains and give him the benefit of the doubt.  He’s earned it.

Also, I credit all of this to the golden calf tattoo, even though I’m pretty sure he got that this offseason after the whole #RallyZito hullabaloo.  It was preemptively helping him, you know?

The series didn’t feel like the second week in April, it had the feeling of summer, and the way so many players on the team kicked into gear during it was exciting to watch.  As I said before, I hate the whole talk of “slow starts” because, seriously, it just started.  But it has started now and everyone seems to be waking up.  A very good series, overall.

Okay.  Done with summer now.  Where’s that fog?

Diamond Girl

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