Tag Archives: rangers

Eggplant and A Bruce Bochy Revelation

So I was eating eggplant this evening, which was really good, and kind of thinking about things and Angel Pagan’s hair (Bay Area Sports Guy says it’s mullet-y, but I can’t decide if I believe that or not) and then I realized I hadn’t blogged in a week and so that was the end of the eggplant and time to blog.

Ahem.

Spring Training’s been pretty sleepy so far, with a whole bunch of ties, which would be nice and football-y, except there’s no David Beckham involved.  So not all that nice at all.  Brock Bond has not been sleepy at all and he got Bruce Bochy to say, “He’s going to get some playing time,” which is pretty much a revelation when you consider Bochy’s usual, “Mmm something about a platoon mmm probably get back to me in like 25 years and maybe I’ll give you a straight answer.”

Kind of mind-blowing, if you think about it.

One of the things that surprises me each year about Spring Training –and evidently I have the memory of a goldfish because I don’t, you know, remember year to year –is that they let the media speak to the players while games are still going on.  It’s a bit like when they grab the players at breaks in basketball games, in that a) it’s freaky b) it’s uninformative.  As far as I can tell they only interview baseball players who aren’t coming back into the game, which is different.  But still.

Let’s all pause for a moment now to reflect on the brilliance of Yu Darvish, who made his 2013 debut a few day ago.

Also, remember how he has Ranger-themed headphones?!

On an unrelated note, happy 40th birthday to The Dark Side of the Moon!  I know people like to listen to it while watching The Wizard of Oz, but has anyone tried it with Star Wars because I think it would blow your mind.

Diamond Girl

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Top 5 Ways to Be a Well-Liked Professional Athlete

Actually, these don’t just apply to professional athletes.  They sorta apply to everyone.  But with all the trouble athletes have been getting into these past few months, I thought I’d throw out of a few pro tips.

5.  Even if a team offers you a unique concept deal (is that like a concept album, JD?), do everyone a favor and be polite about declining it.  I’m not getting over this one any time soon, Josh Hamilton.  But have fun in Anaheim.  I hear it’s a great city.  Hahahaha.

4.  Don’t go to the airport drunk and without ID.  But should you happen to fall into that situation, instagraming some inspiration quotes should get you out of the public’s doghouse pretty fast.  Okay, Sergio Romo?  Okay.

3.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Especially promises like, I’ll be ready for Opening Day after my second Tommy John surgery.  There’s no shame in recovery.  But there is some shame in your words being a whole lot bigger than what you can actually do.  Hiya, Brian Wilson.

2.  Don’t dope and then lie about it.  Important: if you’re going to do it, though, try not to, oh, alienate absolutely everyone else in the sport.  Having allies is a good thing, Lance.

1.  Don’t have an imaginary dead girlfriend.  This is a big one.  However, if you go against my advice, give the Associated Press the name of a real city when asked where she was (not) buried.  Carson City, California sounds like Wonderland, though.   I wish I could go there.

Happy-January-is-inching-by-soon-it-will-be-time-for-Spring-Training Day!

Diamond Girl

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Eugenio Velez Trivia and What Billy Beane Wants Us To Know

In this episode of My Offseason Was a Failure, Jon Daniels has said that while he did not mean to throw Josh Hamilton under the bus by saying he hated him, this offseason has been sort of lousy.  “Disappointing,” was the word he used, I think, but sort of lousy works too.  In Jon Daniels We Still trust, though, so I’m just hoping they can figure out how to make it a bit less lousy, because there are all sorts of great people still on the market and the team’s already pretty rad.  Things will be fine.

In other (old) news, Eugenio Velez signed with the Blue Jays, which keeps them solidly in the spot of the smartest big spenders this offseason.  I like these Blue Jays, I like them a lot.  The AL East just got a lot more interesting – even more interesting than the Orioles totally being good, which was pretty interesting to begin with.

Trivia, y’all:  Eugenio Velez started his career in Toronto back in 2001 but they weren’t that into him and the Giants claimed him in the Rule 5 draft a few years later.

Apparently they’re into him again, now?  Let’s Get Back… Together, as the Giants slogan said.

The A’s are making moves because while all the other ordinary teams made moves at the Winter Meetings the A’s donotliketheWinterMeetingsatall.  So they signed Hiroyuki Nakajima who said, in one of the best presser openings ever, that we could just call him Hiro.  Other hilarious thing about this press conference was Billy Beane’s repeated emphasis on the fact that they were in on this and serious about this even though the media was not covering it Billy Beane was, like, a hipster before there were hipsters.  He is also sexy and cool.  Goes without saying.

In Giants news, Tim Lincecum may have cut his hair.  Except I don’t think that guy looks like Tim Lincecum at all.  Also, no one was this interested when I cut my hair.

Diamond Girl

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Baseball Teams Do Not Care About Their Fans.

Baseball teams do not care about their fans.  I came to this realization today.

And I don’t say this for the reasons you think – it’s not the jawdropping prices on tickets and water (HUMAN NECESSITY, by the way) or the fact that they trade everyone’s favorite players or only give away their junky bobbleheads to a completely arbitrary number of people just so they can watch us get trampled/kill ourselves after all that time surrounded by raw and horrifying humanity.

No.  I’m not talking about any of that.  Although on second thought…

Still no.  I’m talking about the alarming way that they all do things on the same day in the offseason.  Weeks (okay, it’s actually days, but it’s the offseason and we’re baseball fans and it feels like weeks) go by with nothing happening except for the odd rumor about a player you may or may not have heard of going to a team you may or may not have heard of.  I am partially kidding and partially looking at you, Indians.

And then suddenly they all decide on one day they’re going to tear up the World Wide Web and make all their moves and make their fans’ heads spontaneously combust.

Ahem.  Josh Hamilton signed with the Angels today much to his surprise and her surprise and meanwhile, the Giants were all, LOL, that was just a joke, of course we want Andres Torres.  And they signed him again.  We fans responded, “Yes, duh, we were wondering what getting rid of him was about.  Glad it was a joke.  LOL or whatever.” 

While I’m happy about the Torres move because hell, how could you not be, I am really hating the world because of the Josh Hamilton thing.  Baseballisabusiness, but signing within the division is not a nice move under the best of circumstances, which are not Josh Hamilton’s, and if what the Rangers are saying is true, that Hamilton didn’t call them until the deal was all inked, then that doubly does not make Hamilton look very good.  I am unusually angry at him.

I think Hamilton is an extraordinary player, but I think the Rangers will be all right without him.  Likewise, I don’t think either of the cash-happy LA teams will finish in first place next season.  Not even second place, if you peek in my crystal ball.  The Rangers are in a very interesting position right now and I think they will certainly make some significant moves either now or at the trade deadline, while in the NL West, the Giants are eying the Dodgers but pretty much staying put, but I am of the opinion that both teams will be just fine.  In addition to being the new Moneyball, in a strange turn of events.

But I can say with certainty that everyone will do silly giveaways for the first 20,000 fans and sell $8 water.  It’s nice that some things never change.

Diamond Girl

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My Unicorn!

Michael Young is a Phillie.

Despicable Me -  Unicorn GIF

Oh, Despicable Me.

That was how I reacted.  Michael Young was my unicorn in that he was like a fluffy stuffed animal and I was very attached to him and more specifically, attached to him as a Ranger.  That man was a Ranger for a very long time.  “How long, Obi Wan Kenobi?” Luke Skywalker might ask.  “A very long time,” Obi Wan would answer.

Now I get that baseballisabusinessMichaelYoungisstillabaseballplayertheRangershadtodoit and all of that, but I’m still sad.  These made-over Rangers are going to take some time to get used to.  (Mike Napoli in Boston red, what is up with that.)  I wish I had Gru to take me to the amusement park to get a new Michael Young in a Rangers uniform.

I blame Hollywood for giving us kids false perceptions of beauty and false hopes about what happens when our stuffed unicorns are disintegrated.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Presumably Young had some say/a lot of say in where he landed, yes?  Which would mean that he chose Philadelphia?  But who would willingly choose to live in Philadelphia and be a Phillie?  I bet he and Cliff Lee are going to be besties.

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