Tag Archives: pirates

Let’s Talk About What Mystery Grab Bags Generally Entail

Those of you who know me know that my favorite days of the year are as follows:

10.  The day the coffee is brewed when I wake up.

9.  Whatever arbitrary day it is that wearing all winter clothing and lots of scarves and snowkflake earrings becomes socially acceptable.

8.  The start of the various fashion weeks.  Especially Paris, before Dior went and hired a furniture designer as their head.  Still bitter.

7.  Opening Day is pretty rad.

6.  The day I get around to cleaning my mirror and realize my skin is not that bad.

5.  The day of the silly but still awesome Oscars.

4.  The day someone says something ridiculous and perfect at the Winter Meetings.

3.  The day Starbucks brings out their seasonal drinks.

2.  The day the bakery near my house starts making pumpkin rolls.

1.  All of these days are awesome.  But none of them match my unadulterated joy on that the Giants release their promotions and giveaways schedule for the coming season.  This day is better than the day pumpkineggnogpeppermint creations hit a café near you, so it’s pretty damn good.

Some gems this year are the fedora promotion from a couple years ago on steroids: a plaid fedora.  Plaid fedora.  Yes, I mean a plaid fedora.

Moving right along, they’re giving away magnet schedules which I don’t remember them doing recently, but I do know the Grizzlies did in 2010.  I used the magnet as a coaster and it was seriously the greatest giveaway on earth.  Oddly but definitely useful.  I only replaced it a few weeks ago with this wood-carving one which is nice, but not nearly as good at telling me who the Grizzlies are playing on May 15th, 2010.

There are the World Champions Umbrella and the World Series Parade Snow Globe, both of with kind of intrigue me, but neither of which are nearly as great as them Cubbies giving away lip balm last season.  (It was probably Theo’s idea.)

Lastly, of course, there’s the very first giveaway: the mystery grab bag.  I don’t really know what mystery grab bags generally entail, but if these ones don’t include a golden calf temporary tattoo à la Barry Zito, I’m throwing in the towel and becoming a Pirates fan.

Diamond Girl

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Fun In DC. Just Kidding, Not Fun At All.

DC has not treated us well.  It’s not that, big picture-wise, things are that bad.  The Giants are tied with the Dodgers for first place with a few days to go until the All Star Break and they’re currently on track for a 90-win season.  Brandon Crawford is edging in on .250 and The Pablo Sandoval of the Cute Nickname hit a single, a double and a pretty fab homer.  We have a million and one All Stars on our team, for Pete’s sake.  Things are looking up.

Well, no.  Not exactly.  Yesterday, Tim Lincecum got shelled and basically looked like a drowned animal out there and then Madison took the mound today and things were not a lot better.  See, I know that the ball flies well in hot weather but isn’t that supposed to apply to, um, both sides?  Perhaps in the nation’s capital all the rules change.  Because the Nationals are hotter than hot at this moment and holding onto the best record in the National League.  Get those conspiracy theories about the Nationals having the same name as the National League out of your system.  Done?  Okay.  Let’s move on.

Anyhows, this was a bad moment to head to DC.  The weather is dismal and the Nats are very, very good.  The Giants are showing signs of fading.  Before you snap at me, I don’t mean fading for good.  Just fading as in can-all-25-of-us-go-to-the-All-Star-Game-already kind of fading.  It’s like the last week of school.  Everyone wants to get to the good stuff.  Good stuff being the second half.  Because I have a rather fantastic feeling about the second half.

But first, all 25 of them need to go to the All Star Game.

And first first, there’s one more game in DC, which we can just skip over and pretend isn’t happening, and then a series at PNC Park.  Them Pirates currently lead the NL Central (and no, they do not have the same name as the league so, see, that was irrational) by half a game and are 7-3 in their last 10.  Read: pretty hot.  This is going to be fu-un.

Seriously, though, to those of you who are screaming that the Giants have to trade for a pitcher, ssshhh.  The pitching is just fine, en général (except when they face the, eh, aptly named Nationals) and as for Lincecum, we probably shouldn’t get rid of him just yet.  Or that might go down in history as the worst trade ever, right behind Melky for J-Sanch.  Oh burn, KC.  Oh burn.

Also!  Did you know that the Royals do not play in Kansas?  Yeah.  Fun fact of the day.  Also, Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory is the only factory in that world that mixes its chocolate by waterfall.  Just worth noting.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  I almost forgot… happy 4th, people!  I may or may not have said earlier today that I wanted to watch fireworks on TV, because I like the celebrations from around the world.  Because, duh, they celebrate American Independence Day around the word.  (May or may not have been thinking of New Year’s Eve.)

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My Letter to Bud Selig On the Eve of Spring Training

Dear Bud Selig,

Hi!  Have you missed me and my letters of bullyin- I mean, recommendation- to you?  Wait.  Don’t answer that one.

Anyway!  I feel like I’ve touched on this before, but I feel the need to say it clearly and detailed-ly now, on the eve of Catchers and Pitchers Reporting Day.  For the Giants, A’s, Reds, Cubs, Pirates, Phillies and Orioles.

Which is, actually, just my point.

Wouldn’t it be a thousand times more climactic to be able to just say, “the eve of Catchers and Pitchers Reporting Day,” without all the team names at the end?  AKA, shouldn’t they all report on the same day?  Now, look.  I understand all the stuff about free will vs. predestination and letting teams do their own thing and that this is not a mandatory report date anyway, but that is all completely beside the point.  Imagine if it was like this at the beginning of the regular season, with Opening Day spread out over a whole bunch of days?  How terrible would that be?  (It would, obviously, be absolutely terrible.)

Also, on the practical side, this bad scheduling makes my brain have to work a lot harder than it likes to.  Since my iPod has a deep and unfounded hatred of me and refuses to accept it when I schedule appointments or events on the calendar app, I have to store all this info in my head.  Which means that every day, in between watching Dior fashion shows over and over, I have to do my sleuthing and find out who might possibly be reporting to Arizona today.  Waste of time with a capital “W”.

Besides which, the Giants were tweeting photos of Nate Schierholtz working out in the batting cages today.  I mean, I’m not going to go out there and say they shouldn’t let Nate take BP.  But tweeting about it?  That’s like tweeting a link to the wedding scene from Breaking Dawn, Part I the day before the movie comes out.  You can’t leak the most important details right before it happens, people!

So here’s what I propose:  something a little more, well, dramatic.  I’m talking, you sucker all the players into getting buzzy new haircuts and stuff and then they all make their grand debuts before the cameras on one, predetermined, day.

If only for the sake of my overscheduled brain.

Thanks, Bud.  You’re the best.  And while you’re at it, please scrap all the expanded playoffs weirdness.  That’s just… weird.  For lack of a better word.

Thanks again!

Diamond Girl

p.s.  If you’re feeling annoyed after finishing this letter, just imagine if I’d written you a version of Goodnight Moon, adapted to Goodnight Offseason, like I was initially planning.  And feel blessed I went with this idea instead.

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Train Wrecks and Conspiracy Theories and Jousting and Salty Popcorn

In a few sentences: There were three runs on thirteen hits. Beltran got hurt. Lincecum got hurt. I wore a coat and boots at the beach in August.

Now yes, that sounds like a bit of a train wreck, but take heart because it wasn’t! It was a win against the Phillies and a much needed one at that. And I like cold beaches. In case you were worrying.

We got two new Offense Saviors in the form of four hits from Kepp (whose name I’ve given up on trying to spell, he’s just Kepp from now on) and then there was Stewart with the RBI single in the fourth inning to put the Giants on the board. In case I’ve failed to mention it before, I love this guy to pieces. I really do. He is on my list of Top 3 Favorite Giants.

Another interesting fact? Lincecum is also now 5-0 in starts against Oswalt. While that’s nice, I’m have plenty of conspiracy theories about why they face each other so much. I need Ian from National Treasure to fund my investigation on the schedule makers. As long as he, eh, promises not to try and kill me.

And after the game, the good news came that Beltran is probably alright. And Timmy is made of rubber or elastic or something else totally invincible so of course he’s alright. (When I say “of course”, I am leaving aside my utter panic at hearing of him being hit by that bat. “Of course” in retrospect.)

The reality was that the game avoided the sweep but we’re still in a pretty awful stretch here. But winning streaks start with just one win and I am totally prepared to believe that the next series is going to be brighter on our end. Amazingly enough, the Giants are still ahead of Arizona (I feel like I say that a lot, somehow) and the schedule just gets easier from here on out for a while. Starting tonight, with the Pirates are on a 10 game losing streak. As much as I feel for the Pirates and the city of Pittsburgh right now my empathy for them seriously lessened when they traded Joe Martinez to the Indians for cash considerations. Whatever “cash considerations” actually means, I am fine with the Giants elongating that streak a little.

Now that they’ve gotten my blessing, I’m sure they’ll go with it. I need some salty popcorn and a whole lot of baby carrots to get me through this. Who wants to go the grocery store for me?

Diamond Girl

p.s. Baseball is a much better sport than jousting, in case there was any doubt about that. I watched A Knight’s Tale last night. And my doubt was eliminated.

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Read It With Me: D-O-A-B-L-E

May I just say that while I am remarkably bad at bowling, I am wicked good at air hockey?  My defense can be shakey, but my offense is something to behold.  Still, I think I am a lost cause at bowling.  The only reason I go once in a blue moon is so that I can do a dramatic “strrriiiikkkeee” when someone (not me, obviously) gets a strike.

So today’s game was a practice run for the royal wedding I guess (Which I: Am. Not. Watching.) because otherwise starting at 9:35am is inexplicable and warrants a phone call to Bud himself.  I hate baseball games in the morning.  Yes, I know that it was 12:35 in Pittsburgh.  Maybe this is payback from the East Coasters for making them stay up so late.  This is a theory I’m going to have to contemplate.

Anyway.  Vogelsong surprised me with a strong outing and I was really happy for him, even if I would have preferred to see our wacky lefty.  The offense looked like me at that time of day.  Functional, but not exactly raring to go. 

What really struck me today, though, is how little we know this team.  No one has fallen into their spot, exactly, yet.  That’s partially because of the injuries and partly just because it’s early.  And somehow I think Giants fans- or maybe just me- are still riding the adrenaline of last November because there was never exactly closure.  Do you know what I mean?  It’s slightly surreal and it feels like all this year has been about last year, though the ceremonies have ended.  I think we’re subconsciously grappling with the idea of a new season, nearly a month in.  What part will Vogelsong play?  Can Aaron Rowand survive months and months and stay warm, if not hot?  Was Torres really a fluke?  Was Tejada a bust?  DeRosa?  How will last year’s late pick-ups fare?  We really know very little.

But we’re getting there.  The team is back at .500 and we’ve had strong replacements for all the injured players.  We’re cutting through the roadtrip and the Nationals are at 10-12 and have lost two in a row (now where’s Bryce Harper?!).  This is:

 

And I don’t know a whole lot (read: nothing) about football, but from what I’m reading the Niners would have been smart to take me on as their GM.

Diamond Girl

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