Tag Archives: ozzie guillen

Pretty Much Just Affeldt and Marlins Jokes

Real live baseball news!  I would do a happy dance, except I don’t really dance aside from That One Time At That One Concert, but for good reason, that stays in Vegas.  (I mean that in the non-literal sense.  After reading the Percy Jackson book where they go to the Lotus Casino, I am way too scared to ever go to Vegas. )

My fears are grounded in reality(ish).

In Giants baseball news, they’ve all but finalized a deal with everyone’s favorite freak-injury-prone lefty, Jeremy Affeldt.  The deal would keep him in San Francisco for three years at about $18 million.  Affeldt is 33 – and did I mention freak injury prone – so the first reaction is, That’s a lot of years and That’s a lot of money.  At the same time, it’s not.  He’s very durable, in terms of his pitching arm and aside from his children, and a core part of the bullpen.  In some ways, it’s a gamble and in some ways, it’s not.  It’s significant money, no two ways about it, but I think relievers are often unvalued, with the exception of closers on occasion, and I don’t think this is a bad place to put some money.  I see Affeldt and Romo as the relief pitchers to lose, so I think it makes sense all around.  I do wonder what the payroll situation will be following another championship win and if it increases, this would certainly make that much more sense.

In non-Giants news… the Marlins kind of spontaneously combusted.  And I know you’re thinking, didn’t they do that a long time ago?  Which wouldn’t be wrong.  There are so many points in the past season alone that could be described that way.  The Marlins necessitate my favorite train wreck photo over and over and over again.

Ahem.  Anyway.  No, they didn’t spontaneously combust like any of the times before.  They just sort of unloaded the better part – not as in better, more as in, most – of their roster on the unsuspecting Blue Jays and left us all scratching our heads even more than when their nightclub in right field was so loud the bullpen couldn’t hear their phone.

(Question:  Do they call it a nightclub during day games?)

Nah.  Not scratching our heads as much as that, actually.  They got rid of some sizeable contracts and promised to hide their embarrassed faces for a while, while they plot new ways to overpay players and hire managers who have bad news written all over them.  Should be a good time!

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Oh!  Is LeBron James a free agent?  He already lives in Miami and everything.  Get on the phone, Jeffrey Loria.

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An Open Letter to Morning Games

Dear Morning Games,

You are a fun phenomenon that we get here on the West Coast.  You are probably preferable to whatever East Coasters get – staying up until the wee hours of the morning for California games, I suppose.  But with great power comes great responsibility, you know that, right?  (Semi) singlehandedly you are able to either make or ruin a day.

See, if you come on at 10:10am, there’s a certain element of being catalytic in a person’s day.  Call me dramatic, but I firmly believe this be true.  Point is, starting out with a six run inning?

That is not acceptable.  I get that Barry Zito is allergic to Miller Park or whatever and it’s unethical to keep the roof half open, half closed (cooee, Bud Selig!) but those are not really excuses, when you factor in that you also ruined my coffee and distracted me from all of the things I kindasortareally should have been doing.  8-5 final is better than I was expecting, but it’s still not, well, good.

The game fell apart in a lot of ways, you know, not only Zito.  Case in point:  only two of the six runs scored off of him were earned.  He didn’t look good, by any stretch of the imagination, but the defense was also something akin to abysmal.  Additionally, no one can hit with RISP, so then there’s that.  But I’m not blaming you for that part.  Really, I’m not.  I get that you are basically innocent in this situation.  Just, you know, venting ‘cause we’re buddies and stuff, right?

Yeah.  You get it.

The Giants are off to Miami now, to face Ozzie Guillen’s Marlins for Memorial Day Weekend.  You’re off the hook until the next 10:10am game on Sunday.  We part as friends, then, darling morning games?  Until I find a way to eliminate you?  Might include some elimination of time zones but I’m always down for a challenge.

Make that, usually down for a challenge.  Dealing with Barry Zito melting like an ice cream cone in the sun is not in my job description.  I knew this photo would come in handy again, somehow.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  My actual inspirational jazz for the day?  As they always say, if a team wins each series they play, even without sweeping, that’s pretty darn good.  Nasty final games in a series that is already won are forgettable, thankfully.  Excuse me while I prepare the Kool-Aid.

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The Marlins and the Trout!

First of all, a little tradition we have here at Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend (one girl show, so that’s a royal we)…

Whenever the Marlins are in town, well, that scene from The Social Network gets a few more views on YouTube.  Because honestly, ever since seeing that movie, I can’t talk about the Marlins – Florida or Miami or Ozzie Guillen’s Bandit Crew or whatever they’re called now – with a straight face.  I always always think of this scene and dissolve into laughter.

Anyway, the game last night was all kinds of fun, although the lack of, you know, hitting does grate on nerves sometimes and losing to Ozzie Guillen’s Bandi – I mean the Miami Marlins, doesn’t feel fantastic.  Still, I don’t blame the umpires for this one, although they got a good deal of heat.  Apparently, that would-have-been pinch hit double by Gregor Blanco was indeed fair and the call was blown, but by the time you get to that point, it’s everyone’s fault.  Moreover, as a trained Little League ump (oh, yes) I am just not much for booing the umps.  They have a better view, a way better view and really, how often are calls overturned?  Compared to how much you will be on the hook to pay for when I need hearing aids by the time I turn twenty?  These things should be considered, people.

Sometimes I wish I was a Blue Jays fans.  Canadians seem mellow.  At least, when hockey is not involved.  But this game did inspire an idea in me.  I have been doing some yoga lately, in solidarity with someone who shall remain nameless and who should really read my blog more, and happened to do it yesterday morning.  At the game, I found myself very Zen and go-with-the-flow-y.  So I would like to propose to the Giants that they offer complimentary yoga sessions before games for anyone who buys a ticket.  They could fire all their security and put the money into the studios and instructors and stuff, because it would be that effective.  (Maybe.  Perhaps.  Potentially.  On second thought, maybe they should keep the security.  Just as a precaution, you know.)

I was very impressed by Pagan though, even more so in person than I have been on TV and radio.  He made some very nice defensive plays and runs well and is altogether eerily like Andres Torres.  Except not so bouncy.  He’s like Andres Torres post-yoga class.  See what I did there, guys?

One last thing I want to touch on… as many of you may have heard, Andy Pettitte testified in the Roger Clemens trial yesterday and it’s worth reading about here, if you haven’t already.  The whole thing seems unfortunate and uncomfortable, but this quote did make me smile (from Sports Illustrated):  “The prosecutor asked Tuesday whether Clemens was in the courtroom, and Pettitte pointed to the man in the suit and ‘greenish tie.’”  Pettitte, for his part, wore a non-greenish tie and I am rather partial to it.

He has good taste in ties.  See my favorite tie in the history of the world.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  The Giants reported it was a sellout and since I was there, nestled in the nosebleeds, I can say with a tremendous level of confidence that no-way, no-how.  And if we’d kicked out everyone a) wearing an orange fedora OR b) using Instagram to take wide shots of the field, then we definitely would not have had a sellout.  More like myself and, oh, two other fans.  I love Instragram and all but… in moderation?  No?  That’s not possible?  Okay.  It was worth a try.

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