Tag Archives: orioles

Gelato and Goats

Fortified with horchata and ready to go.  What’s been happening, peoples?

The World Baseball Classic has overshadowed Spring Training in some ways because, seriously, there are few things more fun than watching teams from around the world play baseball.  Not to mention that the final game of the WBC is going to be hosted right here in San Francisco at AT&T Park (well, hello, it wasn’t going to be at Candlestick), which is pretty darn exciting.

I haven’t watched much of it yet, because they play at sort of, er, odd hours and that would interrupt my late-night-must-clean-the-entire-house-before-I-go-to sleep sessions.  I’m not very patriotic at all when it comes to sports (which might be why no one ever wants to watch the Olympics with me?) so I’m rooting for Team Italy.  I was rooting for Team Australia, but they got eliminated, sadly.  Team Australia was actually just the Oakland Athletics, as some people have helpfully pointed out on Twitter.  And Team Italy, I don’t know, maybe they’ll give me free gelato/pizza/Italian soda/caprese pasta/mint green Fiat or something along those lines if they win it all?  Girl can dream.

Back in Arizona, the Giants are 4-5 plus three ties – I dare you not to smile while writing those words – but no one’s that concerned with records.  I’ve heard you crazy superstitious people say that a good Spring Training record means a terrible regular season, complete with ex-American Idol contestants singing concerts at your stadium and a goat hanging out in the stands.  But the Giants had the best record in the Cactus League in 2010 and everything turned out okay that year, so have at it, Kansas City and Baltimore.

Worst case scenario, I mean, goats aren’t that bad.  I fed some the other day and they were positively nice.  I’ll bring the celery if the Royals and Orioles pay for the plane tickets.

Ex-American Idol contestants, however, are that bad.

Diamond Girl

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My Letter to Bud Selig On the Eve of Spring Training

Dear Bud Selig,

Hi!  Have you missed me and my letters of bullyin- I mean, recommendation- to you?  Wait.  Don’t answer that one.

Anyway!  I feel like I’ve touched on this before, but I feel the need to say it clearly and detailed-ly now, on the eve of Catchers and Pitchers Reporting Day.  For the Giants, A’s, Reds, Cubs, Pirates, Phillies and Orioles.

Which is, actually, just my point.

Wouldn’t it be a thousand times more climactic to be able to just say, “the eve of Catchers and Pitchers Reporting Day,” without all the team names at the end?  AKA, shouldn’t they all report on the same day?  Now, look.  I understand all the stuff about free will vs. predestination and letting teams do their own thing and that this is not a mandatory report date anyway, but that is all completely beside the point.  Imagine if it was like this at the beginning of the regular season, with Opening Day spread out over a whole bunch of days?  How terrible would that be?  (It would, obviously, be absolutely terrible.)

Also, on the practical side, this bad scheduling makes my brain have to work a lot harder than it likes to.  Since my iPod has a deep and unfounded hatred of me and refuses to accept it when I schedule appointments or events on the calendar app, I have to store all this info in my head.  Which means that every day, in between watching Dior fashion shows over and over, I have to do my sleuthing and find out who might possibly be reporting to Arizona today.  Waste of time with a capital “W”.

Besides which, the Giants were tweeting photos of Nate Schierholtz working out in the batting cages today.  I mean, I’m not going to go out there and say they shouldn’t let Nate take BP.  But tweeting about it?  That’s like tweeting a link to the wedding scene from Breaking Dawn, Part I the day before the movie comes out.  You can’t leak the most important details right before it happens, people!

So here’s what I propose:  something a little more, well, dramatic.  I’m talking, you sucker all the players into getting buzzy new haircuts and stuff and then they all make their grand debuts before the cameras on one, predetermined, day.

If only for the sake of my overscheduled brain.

Thanks, Bud.  You’re the best.  And while you’re at it, please scrap all the expanded playoffs weirdness.  That’s just… weird.  For lack of a better word.

Thanks again!

Diamond Girl

p.s.  If you’re feeling annoyed after finishing this letter, just imagine if I’d written you a version of Goodnight Moon, adapted to Goodnight Offseason, like I was initially planning.  And feel blessed I went with this idea instead.

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Why isn’t the Wild Card Wild?

Another example of my psychic qualities: Ryan Braun had two doubles last night.  No matter that he’s batting .390 this year, those doubles were because of me. 

Anyway.  Yes, you heard me.  This is going to sound crazy but just imagine for a moment if, in addition to the six division champions, two teams were chosen at random for the “wild card”.  Imagine the tension at the press conference, which would stream live at mlb.com, where Bud Selig would choose names out of a hat.  Okay, maybe I’m imagining Steve Jobs’ press conference earlier this month, but still…

bud selig.jpgsteve jobes.jpg

It would add an interesting twist if, say, the Orioles got into the playoffs and beat everyone else.  Maybe giving a team a second life would inspire them into playing really, really well.

I think my problem with the name originates from playing Uno too many times as a young child.  I don’t remember the game very well, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I think there’s something pretty wild about the Wild Card in that game.  Which is what leads me to this argument.

If no one goes for this idea, I would suggest a name change.  The “Wild Card” really implies something wild.  Or at least one something along the lines of the cosmetics brand, “Wet ‘N Wild”. 

Just to be clear, I am rooting for the Giants and Ryan Braun.  Which is to say when Braun bats, I’m basically rooting for him but otherwise I’m totally a Giantette.  I’m going to the game tomorrow and I may be carrying a sign.  Pictures will be posted.  Stay tuned.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  “Beat Milwah!” doesn’t sound good.  Let’s limit that to the Dodgers, Padres and D-Backs, please.

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