Tag Archives: mlb

Eli Whiteside is Ringo Starr and Other Facts of Life

As luck would have it, my EPSN Magazine subscription (it was real paper and everything… the “dead tree version”, they call it) ended last month.  Which means I’m missing out on their music-themed issue that’s coming out this month.  Now let’s just forget the fact that the whole concept’s a little shaky and they’re a sports magazine doing a music issue, which is just weird.  Aside from that!

I haven’t seen the magazine, so all I really know about it is that they recreate some album covers that they call iconic with professional athletes.  As I said.  Shaky concept.  Also, Katy Perry is nowhere near iconic and neither is Beyoncé.  Isn’t there like a minimum number of years – say, ten – before we can label stuff iconic?  No?  Well, there should be.

Another thing that should be mentioned about ESPN Magazine: they tend to forget that baseball exists.  So there’s just one photo with baseball players and it’s Justin Upton, Evan Longoria, Brandon Phillips, Giancario Stanton and Shane Victorino recreating Freedom of Choice, by Devo.

Devo1 Devo2

I feel sort of cheated, to be honest.  We (and by we, I mean MLB and by extension MLB fans) didn’t get Bob Dylan or Nirvana of MJ… hell, I would have settled for Katy Perry.

I took matters into my own hands.

Ramones - original Ramones (2)

Larry Baer got in on the fun.

Rubber Soul Rubber Soul3

As did, uh, Aaron Rowand.

The Madcap Laughs1The Madcap Laughs (2)

And lastly Barry Zito as everyone’s favorite crazy diamond.

Take that, ESPN Magazine.

Diamond Girl

About these ads

6 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Buster Posey, The Flaming Lips and I Mean, There’s Pizza

Buster Posey is not exactly an avid tweeter.  In fact, I’m not really sure he gets the concept.  (He signs his tweets, for god’s sake.  A love note in kindergarten is sort of what it brings to mind.)  He doesn’t treat us to photos of his meals or his pets or his brand-name moisturizers, like the enviably mustached John Axford.  And I’m not just complimenting him because his taste in exfoliant aligns with mine.  Okay, that’s part of it… but he’s a pretty good tweeter, too.

Anyway, the point of all of this is that Buster gave us a gem on Twitter yesterday.  Observe:

@BusterPosey:  Offseason in Georgia has officially come to an end. Heading out west with the family for spring training! –Buster

See?  See?!  Isn’t that a gem?  Just by nature of the fact that it says a) Offseason has come an end and b) I’m heading out west and c) the greatest two words known to mankind other than “there’s pizza” and “new shoes”.   That is, spring training.

There’s still a bit of time until real Spring Training starts off, but in the meantime there’s the Super Bowl to be excited abou—haha, no.  I mean, for all of you who enjoy the Super Bowl, by all means, enjoy it.  But I’m excited for a Hyundai commercial with The Flaming Lips and that’s pretty much (entirely) it.

the flaming lipsbuster posey

The Flaming Lips.  Buster Posey.  All that is good and well in this world.

Diamond Girls

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Let’s Talk About What Mystery Grab Bags Generally Entail

Those of you who know me know that my favorite days of the year are as follows:

10.  The day the coffee is brewed when I wake up.

9.  Whatever arbitrary day it is that wearing all winter clothing and lots of scarves and snowkflake earrings becomes socially acceptable.

8.  The start of the various fashion weeks.  Especially Paris, before Dior went and hired a furniture designer as their head.  Still bitter.

7.  Opening Day is pretty rad.

6.  The day I get around to cleaning my mirror and realize my skin is not that bad.

5.  The day of the silly but still awesome Oscars.

4.  The day someone says something ridiculous and perfect at the Winter Meetings.

3.  The day Starbucks brings out their seasonal drinks.

2.  The day the bakery near my house starts making pumpkin rolls.

1.  All of these days are awesome.  But none of them match my unadulterated joy on that the Giants release their promotions and giveaways schedule for the coming season.  This day is better than the day pumpkineggnogpeppermint creations hit a café near you, so it’s pretty damn good.

Some gems this year are the fedora promotion from a couple years ago on steroids: a plaid fedora.  Plaid fedora.  Yes, I mean a plaid fedora.

Moving right along, they’re giving away magnet schedules which I don’t remember them doing recently, but I do know the Grizzlies did in 2010.  I used the magnet as a coaster and it was seriously the greatest giveaway on earth.  Oddly but definitely useful.  I only replaced it a few weeks ago with this wood-carving one which is nice, but not nearly as good at telling me who the Grizzlies are playing on May 15th, 2010.

There are the World Champions Umbrella and the World Series Parade Snow Globe, both of with kind of intrigue me, but neither of which are nearly as great as them Cubbies giving away lip balm last season.  (It was probably Theo’s idea.)

Lastly, of course, there’s the very first giveaway: the mystery grab bag.  I don’t really know what mystery grab bags generally entail, but if these ones don’t include a golden calf temporary tattoo à la Barry Zito, I’m throwing in the towel and becoming a Pirates fan.

Diamond Girl

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Top 5 Ways to Be a Well-Liked Professional Athlete

Actually, these don’t just apply to professional athletes.  They sorta apply to everyone.  But with all the trouble athletes have been getting into these past few months, I thought I’d throw out of a few pro tips.

5.  Even if a team offers you a unique concept deal (is that like a concept album, JD?), do everyone a favor and be polite about declining it.  I’m not getting over this one any time soon, Josh Hamilton.  But have fun in Anaheim.  I hear it’s a great city.  Hahahaha.

4.  Don’t go to the airport drunk and without ID.  But should you happen to fall into that situation, instagraming some inspiration quotes should get you out of the public’s doghouse pretty fast.  Okay, Sergio Romo?  Okay.

3.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Especially promises like, I’ll be ready for Opening Day after my second Tommy John surgery.  There’s no shame in recovery.  But there is some shame in your words being a whole lot bigger than what you can actually do.  Hiya, Brian Wilson.

2.  Don’t dope and then lie about it.  Important: if you’re going to do it, though, try not to, oh, alienate absolutely everyone else in the sport.  Having allies is a good thing, Lance.

1.  Don’t have an imaginary dead girlfriend.  This is a big one.  However, if you go against my advice, give the Associated Press the name of a real city when asked where she was (not) buried.  Carson City, California sounds like Wonderland, though.   I wish I could go there.

Happy-January-is-inching-by-soon-it-will-be-time-for-Spring-Training Day!

Diamond Girl

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Only Logical Way to Start the New Year

So… I’m guilty.  I have pretty much started the new year doing everything you’re supposed to stop doing.  I don’t make resolutions (unless DRINK MORE COFFEE counts?),but I have spent the last 11 days altogether slacking on life.  Will eventually answer emails and clean my stuff up and all that.  Maybe on Opening Day or maybe not.  Further updates at a later date.

Anyway, in baseball news, the Hall of Fame announced who they will be inducting this year and the answer is nobody.  Not even in the Odysseus sense: nobody with a capital N.  Just nobody as in nobody because the baseball writers are on a power trip and really we need a new way of voting so that arbitrary in a way that suits us fans a little better.  A hint: arbitrary is arbitrary, no matter how you spin it.  No one was inducted this year.  Life goes on.

Moving right along.

This past month or so has been pretty sleepy, mostly, with the new CBA pretty much guilting everyone into finishing up their offseason early, as was intended, I think.  Catchers and pitchers (in)voluntarily report to Spring Training a month from tomorrow.  There are still a few players floating around and a cover guy for MLB The Show to be picked, but otherwise, crickets

In the meantime, I am entertaining myself with movie award season.  My Golden Globe prediction ballot is all filled out and I’m still celebrating about Beasts of the Southern Wild and Silver Linings Playbook knocking everyone else out with their sort-of-surprise Oscar noms.  And recovering from the shock that Trouble With the Curve didn’t, like, clean up.

Justin Timberlake is a man of many talents.  Baseball broadcasting, sadly, is not one of them.

Diamond Girl

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized