Tag Archives: jonathan sanchez

Diamonds! Piles of Gold! Armani Suits! Swiss Watches! Hawaii Vacations!

Dear Bullpen,

Look.  As much as I don’t like you, Wilson, I don’t like being under .500 even more.  I didn’t want you to blow that.  And as much as I like you, Affeldt, I like being over .500 more.  Okay, that’s not true.  I care more about people than baseball games, but right this second I am pretty darn put off by you guys.  I am of the opinion that there is no excuse for losing in extra innings at home.  You have that unique and perfect advantage of walking off and it was your responsibility to keep this in the bag.

It was too good to be true that Sanchez was at all passable after being on IVs with dehydration from the flu yesterday and the game was actually somewhat encouraging, offense-wise.  Still, you are here (::points to the ground::) and you really, really need to be here (::points to the ceiling::).  Edlefsen, Kroon, heck, Joey?  Where are you guys? 

Maybe you need a little encouragement.  Here goes.  I have some really awesome rewards for you (Diamonds!  Piles of gold!  Armani suits!  Swiss watches!  Hawaii Vacations!) and I’ll do my best infomercial imitation voice when I give ‘em to you, but there is one little catch aside from the fact that you’ll go bankrupt from the taxes, we’ll send you spam for this and four more lifetimes, the diamonds are fake and we’re flying you luggage class.  Other than that.  You have to pitch well.  You can’t walk people.  And you really can’t let the ball go from your hand to over the fence in a space of, oh, 20 seconds.  That is too big a change in too short a time for the health of anyone’s heart.

I get that you’re trying.  Really, I do.  If the incitement of the prizes doesn’t help, I can also recommend  inspirational music and shaving off the beards.  We’ve barely cracked the surface of my advice cauldron.  Giving advice is right up there with walking on the beach in a storm and eating brownies in my life.  But I’d rather if you straightened this out on your own.

We’re moving on to Pittsburg/DC/New York, all of whom are in the near/at/under .500 club.  With us.  Gulp.  A bunny (me) somewhere in the heartland is crying.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Read this gem of a news piece.  Just read it.

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13 Things Brian Sabean Needs to Do Before the Giants Hit Scottsdale and Why Surprise, AZ Needs an Exclamation Point

I’m heading down to the City of Angels, otherwise known as Dodgertown, USA tomorrow to visit family.  I am really not a Southern California person (Berkeley born and raised, baby!) and the whole I’m-a-Giants-fan-they’re-Dodgers-fans thing makes it all the more, you know, complicated.  Every time I pledge to be really mellow and not offensive when talking about baseball.  And I am really, really going to try not to rub in the Giants performance in 2010 versus the Dodgers performance last year.  We are World Champions.  We are above that.  Wish me luck.

I think we will share common joy, though, because we are on the home stretch of the offseason.  I am so excited.  Everyone seems to think the teams are pretty much done for the offseason.  I think the Giants front office- hello, Brian Sabean- have a few things left to do.  And since 13 is both an unlucky number (tradition) and a lucky number (Cody Ross), 13 it is.

13.  Institute a new facial hair rule.  ‘Nuff said.

12.  Make sure Jonathan Sanchez is out of his (very overpriced) leather jacket and ready to roll.  You know.  Pitch.

11.  Plant trees in honor of Chris Ray and Todd Wellemeyer, who are now Mariners and Cubs respectively.  Or they may be members of AAA affiliates of the aforementioned teams.  A moment of silence would do if the tree thing takes too long.

10.  Watch ALCS videos to get adequately afraid of the Rangers, in preparation for their March faceoff.  The Giants may have skewed impressions of the Rangers from what went down in the World Series, so a little refreshment of the memory may be in order.

9.  Buy a drumming table for the clubhouse.  Lincecum, in “A Day in the Life of Tim Lincecum”, says “Zito would have a day with this”.  And it would make a great diversion to break up possible monotony of the Desperate Ballplayers of San Fran. 

8.  Clear up for me whether or not those World Series rings have poison in them.  In all corny historical movies/books, nobility (yes, the Giants are nobility.  Duh.) have poison in their fancy rings.  I have a (irrational?  Yes.) suspicion that the Giants’ rings do as well.  You can call me a conspiracy theorist now, if you want.

7.  Have a long talk with your marketing department before you release the 2011 ad campaigns.  A. because it needs to live up to It’s Time and B. because the whole “It’s September Inside” was kind of embarrassing.  It was September outside, too.

6.  Don’t put Belt on the roster out of camp.  Bring him up on May 29nd.  Then pretend it was a coincidence.  (Don’t I just give the best advice in the world?)

5.  Go to each and every one of those stalls that sells Emerald Nuts and tell them that it’s false advertising to have a big sign that says, “Roasted Walnuts” when all you ever have in stock is roasted pecans.  I have nothing against pecans, but that is just way misleading.

4.  Orange lipstick was big on Spring 2011 runways.  It’s the new, modern take on classic red.  Alert female Giants fans.

3.  Go to the New York Giants and demand giants.com.  They are not world champions.  We are.  They can be nygiants.com.

2.  Breathe in.  Breathe out.  Everything’s going to be okay. 

1.  Take a little vacation.  Get a spa treatment.  The season is going to be long.  Appreciate the offseason while it’s here.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  And one assignment for JD and the Rangers:  since your spring training camp is in Surprise, AZ, would you do me a huge favor and convince the mayor there to add an exclamation point at the end?  That would be just awesome.  SURPRISE!, AZ.

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The Verdict on Suppan and the Jon Daniels Lookin’ Like Shia LaBeouf Thing

Happy Birthday, Mike Krukow!

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I am a rabid Kruk fan and I care very deeply that people say Kruk and Kuip, not Kuip and Kruk.  That just feels so wrong.  Anyway, I hope he has a lovely birthday and I am so looking forward to listening to him again.

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That’s Kruk and Kuip on baseball.  Ennn-joy the ballgame.

Someone asked me my thoughts on the Suppan signing as the “6th starter”.  I’m not 100% sold on it.  I think the ideal 6th starter is a younger person who is looking to make it, not looking for a place to finish up his career.  But since the Giants have four above-average starters locked in for a few years to come (and Zito who is locked in, above average or not) I can see why they would go with Suppan.  A interesting or iffy young pitcher doesn’t have a place in their organization right now, whereas Suppan could play a solid number six/relief role and he isn’t looking for fame or glory.  He’s already had that.  And if it’s a train wreck in spring training then, hey, there’s a way out.  So I think it’s a basically positive move.

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Rangers FanFest is this weekend and I so, so want to be in Arlington.  I am living vicariously through my Texan readers.  Tell me all about it.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Yesterday, @MLBFanHouse tweeted, “Does Jon Daniels look a little like Shia LeBeouf? I say yes.”

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I don’t see it.  At all.  My sister does, but I am totally puzzled.  Come to my support, people.  Is there any resemblance? 

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The Real (or Desperate?) Ballplayers of San Francisco, Feat. Lincecum with Snooki Hair

This just in: the Giants are going to have their own reality show next season. Reality show.  Diamond Girl is mildly disgusted but also mildly intrigued.  I do have a few questions:

Who’s going to rock the Snooki hair-do?  Barry?  Or Timmy, since he’s half-way there already?

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Is it going to have an alliterative name like, “Geeping up with the Giant-ashians”?  Or they could name it the Real Ballplayers of San Francisco (as opposed to, you know, the fake ballplayers.  And the fake housewives, for that matter).  Will there be the quintessential meltdowns there always are on contest shows?  If so, my money is on J-Sanch as the perfect candidate.  Will there be fights between the neat freaks who want the clubhouse clean and the guys who couldn’t care less?  Will the cameras be let into closed door meetings with Brian Sabean?  Because that may be the only thing that will incite me to watch.

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J-Sanch next season…?

I’m going to have to get on YouTube or Hulu and watch some Hard Knocks to get a sense of what this is all about.  Somehow I don’t know if the “poof” would fit underneath a football helmet, so I doubt they included that mandatory aspect of reality TV.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Rangers?  If you’re out there reading this, I respectfully suggest that you extend JD’s contract.  Pronto.  I think it’s a very important thing y’all need should deal with sooner rather than later.  But that’s just me.

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This is for you, Eugenio (and a little bit for you, Executive of the Year) and Why Dave Groeschner is Due for a Mohawk

So this post was going to be for Eugenio Velez and then I read that Jon Daniels was named Executive of the Year by Baseball America and so I had to mention that first and foremost.  Congratulations to Jon and the whole Rangers organization.  Very much deserved.  It’s Time, and all that.

Anyway.  I miss Eugenio already.  Which is weird, because he hardly played last year, but I still miss him, you know, being there.  I know there is still the possibility that the Giants will sign him to a minor league contract, but I doubt that will happen.  At first I was very sad to hear they had non-tendered him but I’m trying to look at a bright side.  Hopefully he will find an organization that does need and want him now and has room for him in the majors.  I think if someone puts some confidence in him and gives him a real chance he will be a strong MLBer.  (Don’t breathe a word about his bunt attempts.  Seriously.  Don’t.)  And I do have a few teams on my wish list of who signs him.  Ahem, Doug Melvin or Jon Daniels?  Y’all should sign Eugenio Velez.  To see him in Brewer Blue or Ranger Red would make me very happy. 

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Meanwhile the Giants did tender Andres Torres, Jonathan Sanchez, Cody Ross, Javier Lopez, Ramon Ramirez and Santiago Casilla.  Ray and Velez are the two who were not tendered.  Both Burrell and Fontenot were signed to one year, one million dollar deals.  It looks to me (and probably to everyone else on the face of this beautiful planet) like Sabean is trying to re-sign everyone and keep the idea the same.  The problem I see with that, as I’ve written about before, is they’re not misfits anymore.  They’re players who won the World Series and are earning some nice money now.  Will it work again? 

Then again, there might be some big moves still ahead for the Giants.  Sabean tends to surprise us like that.  So you know when we’ll find out?  Yeah, you guessed it.  The Winter Meetings.  Three days.  I am still giddily excited.  Stay tuned.

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And it’s Day 8 and the snowflake earrings are still in my ears, in case you were wondering. 

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Dave Groeschner is due for a mohawk.  In the Inside the Clbhouse:  Hitters from January, he tells Pablo that if they go to the World Series, he’ll get one.  They went to the World Series.  Heck, they won the World Series.  He totally needs to get one now.

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