Tag Archives: joe martinez

In 5 Minutes: What’s Trending on Day 5 of Spring Training 2011

*I bought my first tickets for the 2011 season yesterday.  Way beyond excited.

*Another day, another piece of not entirely positive news about Joe Martinez.

*If you use melted chocolate instead of a cocoa powder in your hot chocolate you eliminate the possibility of grounds at the bottom.  (Diamond Girl with Useful Advice strikes again!)

*This video made me giddily excited.  It’s one thing to miss baseball in the offseason but it’s quite another to see it at your fingertips.  Zito and Lincecum doing bullpen sessions together is one of the greatest things ever.

*I know it’s Day 5.  I know it’s Day 5.  But every mention of little injuries freaks me out.  Stay healthy, brothers.  Stay healthy.  I am not prone to being panicky, but in this situation…

*Brian Wilson stated that the beard may not last the season.  I started writing an obituary for it.

*The Albert Pujols saga has progressed to the We Are So Puzzled We Are Not Even Going There stage.

*The Michael Young saga went there a long time ago.

And there you have it.  Day 5 in 5 minutes.  Who knew a sleepy Friday in February could be that exciting?

Diamond Girl

p.s.  I ventured out into the rain to see Justin Bieber in 3D because virality is one of my passions in life (seriously).  All I could think the whole time is, “Is Scooter Braun [his manager] related to Ryan?”  And, you know, “Why is Justin trying to poke my eye out?”  I am with Roger Ebert on the whole 3D thing.

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5 Cooler Cars for Brian Wilson and an Over-Under on Michael Young

There are so many things I could write about today.  The fact that AJ Burnett is either delusional or his therapist told him to repeat positive affirmations to anyone and everyone.  The fact that the World Class Good Guy seems to be morphing into a World Class Bad Guy before our very eyes.  The fact that Mat Latos is on a bizarre anti-SF rampage.  And then the whole, “is Aaron Rowand mad?” thing (although no one except me seems that fascinated by that).  What I actually want to write about is the thing that made me wonder if there was indeed a minimum age to be in the Majors.  Apparently, they let pre-adolescents in.  Or at least, people with very preadolescent senses of humor.

Andrew Baggerly of the San Jose Mercury News (who, by the way, is killing all the other writers with his coverage of Spring Training) reports that Brian Wilson’s new ride is a fully decked out police cruiser.  With a loudspeaker.  On which he announces his arrival in the morning with, “I’m heeeere!”

If I gave my little brother a toy police cruiser for his birthday, yes, he might do that.  But that is no excuse for Brian.  My brother is 20-odd years younger than him.  That’s not what they mean when they say, “unlock the child within you”.  At least I hope it isn’t.

If he thinks the Obamas having a water dog is not cool, then I would like to say that driving a police cruiser is, um, not cool either.  Just saying.  Don’t want to get arrested.  Don’t want to get arrested.  Don’t want to get put in Bad Fan Prison.  But that is not cool.

So, of course, I made him a list of 5 cooler cars.  If you are slightly or very puzzled by this and the last paragraph, watch this quick episode of Life of Brian.

5.  Ferrari.  I don’t actually get the obsession with Ferrari’s and that they’re everybody’s dream car.  Except for the name.  I melt for Italian names.  (My father just alerted me that his parents had several Ferraris, which I was not previously aware of.  I know about the Emilio Pucci dresses and the Chanel boots they have passed down, but, until now, nothing about the hip cars.)

4.  Prius.  This is the cool of the future.  ::Joe Martinez yells, “The car from the Ghost Writer!”  I ignore::  Set the trends, Willy!

3.  A Chrysler.  I am being a shameless ad sucker here, but I am still into that Superbowl Chrysler ad.

2.  An old school VW bus.  You know, the kind Timmy wanted.  They may not think that’s cool down in Hollywood but it’s way cool up here.

1.  And Joe said that coolest one of all.  The car from The Ghost Writer.  I have referenced this before, here.  That beautiful car has an intelligent GPS that will lead you to the murder spot of your predecessor at work.  If that isn’t cool, what is?

There.  No one can accuse me of not giving useful advice now.  I just got you your baseball news and a list of cool cars, lumped into one.

I am calling grocery stores all over the Bay Area trying to find one that stocks mass amounts of popcorn.  This Michael Young saga may last a long time.  I still have my Team Jon shirt, but I’ve run out of popcorn.  Over or under, 40 days and 40 nights?  ‘Cause I need to know so I can stock up.

Diamond Girl

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Why Brian Wilson’s Jokes Last Night Were Really, Really Not Funny. And Why Diamond Girl is Sickened.

Brian Wilson used to be my favorite Giant.  Life of Brian is still my favorite show to watch clips of online (Joey makes way too many appearances for me not to like it!).  Brian has always been weird, no question.  But he used to be endearing and his jokes were off-the-wall but funny. 

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His jokes last night on George Lopez were not just in poor taste, they were in really, really poor taste.  The whole Thailand thing?  Nobody laughed.  I’m okay with jokes that are a little offensive or controversial, but that was just not at all funny.  Joking about prostitution in Thailand is just not at all funny.  And the way he did it was very obnoxious.

His teammate, Jeremy Affeldt, as some of you may know, is very involved with the Not for Sale campaign which is an organization of modern-day abolitionists.  You can read what they have to say about Thailand here: http://www.notforsalecampaign.org/projects/thailand/.

I’ve tried to give Wilson a break this offseason, as I’m sure being thrust into this spotlight is difficult, but watching George Lopez and Wilson last night I came to the realization that I am just not a fan of him anymore and the way he is conducting himself honestly sickens me.  He is, of course, first and foremost a baseball player but his off-field antics have made it hard for me to even remember his on-field performance.  He is one of the greatest closers in baseball today, but right now I am having a hard time appreciating that.

I’m very curious how other Giants fans (and all baseball fans, for the matter) feel about Wilson right now and who enjoyed the show last night.

And I would just like to add the hideous fashion faux-pas (grey before his time?  Mimicking Tavi here?)  made him all the less endearing to me.

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Hashtag: #epicfail

Diamond Girl

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Script: My Conversation with Brian Sabean

Time: The Present

Setting:  Post-apocalyptic San Francisco with red tinged sky and eerie silence, except for bats flying around.  Okay, fine.  It’s an office at AT&T Park.  I was trying just to liven things up.  Brian Sabean and Diamond Girl are sitting in the office.  Sabean is wearing a grey suit, minus jacket.  DG is wearing a sweater dress, jeggings and boots.  Her perfume is Amber by Prada and her purple eyeshadow is from MAC. 

DG:  Hello, Brian!

Sabean (looking slightly suspicious):  Hello, Diamond Girl.

DG:  You know, I’m so glad to meet you.  I’ve always been a huge fan of yours.

Sabean (Looking very suspicious):  Huh.  Funny I saw on your blog that you stopped rooting for the Giants in the World Series because you were unhappy with me.

DG:  Uh, no.  That totally didn’t happen. 

Diamond Girl subtly pulls out iPod Touch and deletes the post he is referencing.

DG:  Anyway, Sabes.

Sabean:  Brian.  Or Mr. Sabean.  Or GM Extraordinaire.   Whatever.  Just not that horrible nickname.   I can’t stan–

DG:  Okkkkaayyy.   Moving right along.  What I was trying to say is just that I think you’ve done a great job at setting up your team to repeat in 2011.

Sabean:  Who gave you this meeting?  I have better ways to spend my time than listening to fangirls tell me why my team is awesome.

DG:  I have my ways.  Of getting meetings.

The scene fades and there is a flashback of DG in a witch hat over a cauldron saying an incantation to get a meeting with Brian Sabean.  Scene flashes back.

DG:  Actually, GM Extrordinai–

Sabean:  Please.  I wasn’t being serious.  That was just an example.

DG:  Oh.  Sorry.  Okay.  Mr. Sabean.  I actually have an idea for y’all.

Sabean:   Do enlighten me.

DG:  You know how you’ve always had that sort of loser-hanger-oner-starter the past few years?

Sabean:  Like Wellemeyer or Joey.

DG:  Right.  Who do you think is going to fill that role this year?

Sabean:  We’re World Series champs, Diamond Girl.  We don’t need loser-hanger-oner-starters.

DG:  I beg to differ.  And the great part is that this interesting, talented, only slightly loser-hanger-oner-starter was just DFA’ed.

Sabean:  That’s too good to be true!

DG:  But it is true.  His name is Armando Galarraga and the Tigers DFA’ed him.  Sure, there’s a 2.5 million dollar contract there, but we got money, right?

Sabean:  Wow, Diamond Girl!  What a great idea!

Sabean turns to phone and calls Dave Dombrowski .  Within a few minutes, the deal is complete. 

Exeunt DG and Sabean.  Scene fades.

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Useful Guide to Washington DC for FP Santangelo and The Basketball(ish) Team Joe Martinez is Now Inhabiting

I’m going to talk about some old news because I’ve been secluded in the sun on vacation in Tahiti these past few days (translation: huddled in front of laptop in damp and freezing Bay Area).

 

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Old News

 

Overheard conversation last season: 

 

Young child:  Who is that?

Dad: FP Santangelo.  You know, the one Mommy likes.

 


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I was never a huge Sports Phone 680 listener but it was my go-to show after depressing losses, when the post-game show ended too soon.  Really good therapy.  The wolfpack and all that.  The volume of female callers with odd things to say was funny too.  So since moving to a new city is always a little disorienting, I’ve made a mini-guide to help him out in DC.

 

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First, he’s going to need some cupcake stores.  This article in The Washington Post has lots of ideas.  Personally, the place that touts their designer cupcakes sounds good to me.  If he’s feeling swamped and needs some entertainment, Lady Gaga is playing at the Verizon center in the end of February.  If musicals are more his style, then Wicked is opening in June.  And if he needs to pick up some snappy clothes for his new gig, there is a Burberry store at 1155 Connecticut Ave.

 

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Beautiful Burberry ad.  With Emma Watson missing a leg.  You might, you know, see a one-legged Emma Watson if you head over to the Burberry store.  They should have put that on the ad.

 

So hasta la vista, FP.  Have a good time in DC. 

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Really, Really Old News

 

Joe Martinez was traded to the Indians.  So he will be moving hangouts from the Indianapolis Indians to the Cleveland Indians.  Or the Columbus Clippers, as the case may be, which sounds suspiciously like a basketball team.  Despite the name, I am becoming something of a fan for the team as well as the actual Indians.  And if some strange luck takes me to Cleveland in the coming year, I will go to a game and show some, you know, Indians pride.  Because I am filled with Indians pride, just waiting to get out.

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Diamond Girl

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