Tag Archives: jeremy affeldt

Jon Miller Imitations, Zito In NC and The Ironic Name For a Stadium That Is Never Overstocked

So I missed the greater part of yesterday’s game because the rain-delay-when-there-was-no-rain-and-they-were-watering-the-field made it cross into a lecture in Berkeley by Dave Batstone, the founder of the Not for Sale Campaign that I went to.  (Remember the whole “Give me your money and I’ll give you chocolate.  This is not spam.” thing?  Yeah.  He’s related to that.)  It was a fantastic speech and he showed a commercial with Jeremy Affeldt for the organization from a few years ago and he looked so, so young.  He also did a Jon Miller imitation but didn’t sound a whole lot like Jon Miller, but hey, he’s hard to imitate.  So I got to listen to stuff about social justice for an hour without going through too severe baseball withdrawal.  It was at a theology school, though, and I kind of got the sense I was the only one laughing at the baseball jokes.  Huh.  He also told me afterwards that Matt Cain may be joining the organization.  Of course.  He is such a Good Guy.  With caps.

When I got home, I got a very enthusiastic (and slightly headache inducing) blow-by-blow of the end of the game from which I deduced that a) it went into extras b) Cain was in line to be a hard luck loser until c) Dar-run Ford ran.  Correct me if any of those facts are wrong.  I hate how many extra inning games we’ve had to play this year, but a win is a win and that’s the bottom line.

The weird news pieces of today are that Barry Zito is in North Carolina seeing a specialist about his foot and Roy Oswalt has taken an indefinite leave from the Phillies.  The Oswalt news has gotten less weird as more came out that he’s taking the leave to check up on his family in a tornado-stricken area.  Thoughts and prayers are with them all.  But the Zito news has just gotten weirder.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure NC is a lovely place (only 5% sarcasm there) but aren’t there plenty of foot specialists on this side of the Mississippi?  I have a few conspiracy theories about this.

And then the fact that we’re stuck with the Overstock.com Coliseum for six years to come?  I don’t even know what to say.  It’s a mouthful, for one.  And how can I tactfully say that the Coliseum isn’t really ever “overstocked”?  Though maybe the new deal would include WiFi.  It is so time for that.

Diamond Girl

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Diamonds! Piles of Gold! Armani Suits! Swiss Watches! Hawaii Vacations!

Dear Bullpen,

Look.  As much as I don’t like you, Wilson, I don’t like being under .500 even more.  I didn’t want you to blow that.  And as much as I like you, Affeldt, I like being over .500 more.  Okay, that’s not true.  I care more about people than baseball games, but right this second I am pretty darn put off by you guys.  I am of the opinion that there is no excuse for losing in extra innings at home.  You have that unique and perfect advantage of walking off and it was your responsibility to keep this in the bag.

It was too good to be true that Sanchez was at all passable after being on IVs with dehydration from the flu yesterday and the game was actually somewhat encouraging, offense-wise.  Still, you are here (::points to the ground::) and you really, really need to be here (::points to the ceiling::).  Edlefsen, Kroon, heck, Joey?  Where are you guys? 

Maybe you need a little encouragement.  Here goes.  I have some really awesome rewards for you (Diamonds!  Piles of gold!  Armani suits!  Swiss watches!  Hawaii Vacations!) and I’ll do my best infomercial imitation voice when I give ‘em to you, but there is one little catch aside from the fact that you’ll go bankrupt from the taxes, we’ll send you spam for this and four more lifetimes, the diamonds are fake and we’re flying you luggage class.  Other than that.  You have to pitch well.  You can’t walk people.  And you really can’t let the ball go from your hand to over the fence in a space of, oh, 20 seconds.  That is too big a change in too short a time for the health of anyone’s heart.

I get that you’re trying.  Really, I do.  If the incitement of the prizes doesn’t help, I can also recommend  inspirational music and shaving off the beards.  We’ve barely cracked the surface of my advice cauldron.  Giving advice is right up there with walking on the beach in a storm and eating brownies in my life.  But I’d rather if you straightened this out on your own.

We’re moving on to Pittsburg/DC/New York, all of whom are in the near/at/under .500 club.  With us.  Gulp.  A bunny (me) somewhere in the heartland is crying.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Read this gem of a news piece.  Just read it.

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I Just Left This Phone Message For Brian Sabean

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Please leave a message after the beep.  (Beep.)

Uh, Mr. Sabean?  It’s me, Diamond Girl.  I’m back.  You may remember me from our semi-uncomfortable conversations last year.  Now might be a really nice moment to pull off one your incredible 2010 worthy moves.  Picking someone out of obscurity and getting rid of people who don’t work.  Or maybe it’s too early in the year for that and you’re going to make us suffer through a few more months of bizarreness before you rescue us.  Either way, give me a call back ASAP because I have some tart with plum jam and almond cream that you might be interested in tasting.  And you we need to talk about how you’re going to congratulate Danny Runzler (am I coining Danny?) on his engagement.  And I want to discuss some interesting stuff I was just reading about you in A Band of Misfits, by Andrew Baggarly.  About how you and other GMs don’t get along.  This is a new development.  If you aren’t into young GMs then why did you do the whole Bengie Molina/Chris Ray/Cash trade?  And oh yeah, I was doing some brainstorming last night and came up with the idea of sending down Lincecum, Sanchez and Bumgarner down and bringing up Edlefsen, Kroon and Vogelson to take their places.  Or just sending Belt down, because you know how much I love Travis and how mad it made me that you put him in jeans for the ring ceremony.  So unclassy.  Anyway.  I didn’t mean to put you off your lunch.  Kershaw was nasty last night, fair and square.  And Affeldt nailed his speech and it was beautiful and tasteful, so you all did something right.  Downer phone messages at lunch time mess up the whole rest of the day.  Don’t worry, we’ll be okay.  Wacky starts don’t equal wacky ends.  You just need to call me.  Take care.  Talk to you soon.


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St. Patrick’s Day 2.0, Me Playing News Anchor and Me Eating Asparagus Dipped in Olive Oil at a Zito Start at The Coliseum

Let’s go in reverse chronological order:

Brandon Belt made the team.  I’m ever so slightly conflicted about that, but mostly happy.  Seeing him the past two nights had me fully convinced that he’s ready.  He looks utterly comfortable on the Major League scene.  And he cried when he got the news.  The sweet kid.  Really sad to see Ishikawa on waivers, though.  He feels like a relic of the pre-Championship era Giants and while it sounds totally crazy, I loved the pre-Championship era Giants.  Happy travels to him, wherever he ends up. 

I also hope Affeldt gets the closer job in Wilson’s absence.  That cuts their number of proficient lefty relievers in half, but I think he’s a good candidate for closing.  And I get this rush of modern-day abolitionist pride whenever he comes out to pitch.  (As I mentioned before, I am currently doing a charity project about slavery in the chocolate industry for my birthday.  Check it out here.)

Spring has come to a close and the Giants are breaking camp looking pretty darn good.  Make that really darn good.

Onto last night.

Who knew it was St. Patrick’s Day 2.0?  So.  Much.  Green.  I caught the end of the A’s Fan Tailgate event and they sure know how to throw a fan event.  It was simple, intuitive and interesting.  And I got four autographs in five minutes.  Conor Jackson (::Diamond Girl faints::), Andy LeRoche, Eric Sogard (he totally has glasses!) and Josh Willingham.  They were all very sweet and so was the length of the line.

The Comcast SportsNet booth was also really great.  They had a SportsNet Central set and people could go on and broadcast a minute-long recap of Dallas Braden’s perfect game.  Me and my little brother did it.



Aren’t we adorable?  The teleprompter was fun enough to vaguely revive my politician aspirations and the producer was really sweet.  He let me look at his camera and watch them from behind.  Fascinating.

We eventually went in and what followed was 2 ½ hours of a mesmerizing Zito start and asparagus dipped in olive oil with pepper (no, they don’t sell that.  I brought it.  Obviously).  It was a lovely evening and I was reminded why I love The Coliseum.  They just need to rip out the top of the centerfield wall, so that there’s a view of the Oakland Hills.


Of all the pitchers I’ve seen, Zito carries the most stuff around while he’s preparing for his start.  A jacket, a bag of inidentifed stuff, a juice bottle and a water bottle.

I’m going to do pre-Opening Day predictions really fast now.  I am bad with predications, so take it all with a grain of salt.  I just want to have it on record in case I am, ahem, right.

AL East

Boston Red Sox

AL Central

Detroit Tigers

AL West

Oakland A’s

AL Wildcard

Texas Rangers

NL East

Atlanta Braves

NL Central

Milwaukee Brewers

NL West

Colorado Rockies

NL Wildcard

San Francisco Giants

There you have it.  Opening Day is so soon.  Breathe deeply.

Diamond Girl


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Give Me Your Money And I’ll Give You Free Chocolate. This Is Not Spam.

Yes.  I am asking for your money.  No, not for me.  I wouldn’t make my greed that obvious. It’s for a really great cause.  Allow me to explain.

My 14th birthday is 13 days from now, so yesterday I launched this project, Raise the Bar 14, which is supposed to raise awareness about slave and child labor on cocoa farms.  For the two weeks leading up to my birthday, I’m going to be posting information and interactive stuff at the website, http://raisethebar14.wordpress.com/. 

The whole time, I’m asking people to donate $14 and I’ll donate all the money at the end to the Not For Sale Campaign.  If you donate, I’ll send you a bar of Fair Trade chocolate.  And I tasted lots and lots of brands to decide which was the best to send to y’all.  See, I have a rough life.

So it’s really simple.  Just send me a PayPal payment (email address on the About page of the blog) and I will love you forever and tell everyone that you are a superhero (you can specify what superhero power you want me to describe you with in the comments).  That’s a promise.

Not coincidentally, Not For Sale is a cause that Giants reliever Jeremy Affeldt is very involved with.  I discovered the organization about a year ago through him and have been really impressed by the way they approach the issue.  It’s pretty eye-opening.

If you aren’t able to donate, I hope you’ll still read up on the subject and tell your friends about it.  Awareness is huge, here.

As is the fact that I am offering you a free bar of chocolate.  I’m not really impartial here or anything, but I think that’s pretty irresistible.

Diamond Girl

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