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In Which I Become a FOX Defendant

 I never thought I would do this, but here I am.  I am about to lump myself with FOX.  Why?  Because, well, (deep breath) I also thought Kansas City was in Kansas.  There.  I said it.

I admit that sometimes I am irrational, but I don’t think this was an example of that.  I mean, it would make sense for KC to be in Kansas, right?  Several Google searches later, it appears that there is a KC in Kansas and it mirrors the other one, in Missouri which is the home to the Royals.  So me and FOX weren’t entirely incorrect.  (Just mostly.  You know.)  Is your head spinning yet?  Because mine most certainly is.

This is all to say that as many faults as FOX has, this one is understandable to me.

And why is everyone ripping their x-ray camera, too?  I kind of dig it, actually.  It gives the whole thing a new perspective and makes the somewhat (somewhat?) boring broadcast a little more fun.  For instance, with that ball that Beltre said hit him… it totally proved him right. 

Anyhow, last night was a lot more fun that Wednesday, I will tell you that.  The Rangers seemed to break out of their Oh-My-God-We-Are-In-The-World Series funk, in the way I remember the Giants doing it in Game 1 last year, following that crazy first inning (remember Timmy’s error?  And how we all thought that was it?  Ha.).  And it was glorious to watch.  It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t a show of crazy offensive strength, it wasn’t spectacular in any way.  It was more, to me, the team showing how they can win even when they are not at their very best and that, my friends, is glorious.

Watch out, Cardinals, the Texas Rangers are here with a vengeance.  (Can you say “here with a vengeance” or does it need to be “back with a vengeance?)

Now I need to go eat apple sauce and click my heels together and say, kansascityisnotinkansaskansascityisnotinkansaskansascityisnotinkansas a million times.  If you’ll excuse me…

Diamond Girl

p.s.  It is worth noting, you know, that the game only started to go the Rangers way when I remembered to put on my antlers in the late innings.  And Nolan Ryan’s tan trench coat was wonderful.  That too.

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Pressure Points That Relieve Headaches For World Series Winning Teams To Play Better At Home

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I got my contest prize yesterday, which is this beautiful photo book, “Freak Season”.  It has some fascinating little moments and I definitely recommend it to people who are Tim Lincecum fans (though no one is as big as me.  I am the ultimate Tim Lincecum fan.)  Yesterday was a good day.  Today?  Not so much.

 

Reasons today was depressing:

 

·         The Giants were on Fox.

I try not to be one of those endless complainers about national media but the broadcasters today made me want to pluck my eyeballs out with forks.  Not literally.

 

·         The Giants lost.

Dismally.  In the fog.

 

·         Pat Burrell attempted to run.

I never thought I would feel badly for him, but today I ever so slightly did.  It was painful to watch him run.  And what is with his eyebrows?  If someone doesn’t want to do anything with their eyebrows, I won’t pick on them.  But his look done.  Just bizarrely.

 

·         Tim Lincecum attempted to pitch.

And failed.

 

·         Tim Hudson pitched.

And succeeded brilliantly.  I have a little Big 3 nostalgia for him, but not when he’s blowing my Giants away.  Without even huffing and puffing.  Profoundly effortless, on his part.

 

·         The offense attempted to hit.

And failed.

 

·         Neftali Feliz was placed on the disabled list.

With right shoulder inflammation.  The club said that it’s sort of precautionary, since he’s so young.  My fingers are solidly crossed that that is true.

 

·         MLB has a new ad featuring Brian Wilson’s beard that is seriously nauseating.  

May I just say that epic is not always a compliment?  As in, epic can be an adverb, paired with words such as, “ridiculous”, “hideous” and/or “plain stupid”.  On KNBR the other day, they had the topic “Who’s your favorite Giant?” and I was floored by the lack of Brian Wilson responses.  I thought I was the odd one out in being sick of the act.  I don’t  think so.  He needs some serious image consultation.

 

There was some comic relief, though.  Like the girl with the “Marry Me, Ryan Braun” sign.  I don’t feel like I’m on high enough ground to pick on her, but at least my sign was a non-committal statement and it sure didn’t have my phone number.  My ground is at least a few inches higher, right?

 

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And I guess it’s sort of good news that the Giants are going on a 10 game roadtrip after tomorrow, because they seem better on the road, though their record is just about even.  I mean, I would be too, if there were crazy people with smeared eye-black and orange chest paint yelling strange cheers at 100 decibels.  Which is why I want Meditation Day at the ballpark and I would be a bad baseball player because I would choke when delivering the “the fans were so loud, it was amazing” line.  Although maybe they mean amazing in a bad way…?  Because otherwise I don’t get it.  I wonder if they are given a handbook after they win the World Series about pressure points that relieve headaches.  That could be useful.  For the players and the fans, actually.  I’m going to try acupressure next time I’m there.

 

Diamond Girl

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Hello from the Not-Sahara Desert: The Giants Win the Pennant!

The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!  The Giants win the pennant!

You know what’s magic?  Are you kidding me?  The POSTSEASON!

Today- okay, yesterday- was a fairytale.  Actually, this whole season has been a fairytale for the Giants .  When Chris Haft of mlb.com wrote a blog post today titled “The fairytale isn’t over yet” I thought, That is so true.  For both the Giants and the Rangers, in my opinion.  As Bruce Bochy put it, the cast-offs and  the mis-fits have fit together.  I am so pumped for the happily ever after for either team.  I’ve been hoping for and predicting Rangers vs. Giants World Series for most of the year and am going to be happy whichever teams wins.  Unlike the Fox producers, I’m sure, who seemed tremendously unmoved at the last out and ensuing celebration.  But they both give pretty fun champagne filled interviews, so postgame should be good either way.  Fear the Beard vs. Fear the Deer it is.  Bengie vs. Buster it is.

 

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 In other news, I was totally, utterly and mercifully wrong.   Some adorable person bought an HD TV for the apartment I’m staying in and I suckered someone into lending me a computer this weekend so life is good in NYC.  Life is not good in that Citi Field is not, in fact, giving tours right now but I was doing more than my fair share of window-shopping on Madison and 5th Avenue and I stared at the 2010 World Series trophy in the window of Tiffany’s for a good five minutes.  It’s mesmerizingly beautiful.  So, of course, this was a photo op not to be missed.  ::cue duhs::    I imbued the thing with my fantastic karma, so whoever gets it take note, it will have a strong feeling of, “Diamond Girl Was Here.”

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I am, in fact, aware how blurry that photo is and the creepiness of my face thereof and it’s because it’s a photo of a photo.  Long and unriveting story why, but I’ll post the gorgeous original when I get back to the Bay Area next week.  In the meantime, if it gives your children or you, for that matter, nightmares, I apologize.  I will also make you vanilla cupcakes someday, to make up for it.

Hugs to all,

Diamond Girl

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No, That Game Did Not Shock Me, What Google Is For And On the 141st Most Common Baby Name in 1977

I wasn’t shocked that the Giants won that game last night.  Has anyone else noticed that the “underdog” always wins?  To an extent that we should just call ‘em the overdogs and be done with it. 

 

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Like everyone else on the face of this beautiful planet, I can’t stand the Fox announcers but I do enjoy seeing it on TV from time to time so this game was fun.  Aside from the fact that Edgar Renteria and Mike Fontenot always look like they’re about to cry.  Has anyone else noticed that?  With Renteria it’s sort of a constant look of melancholy whereas with Fontenot, it’s permanent moisture around his eyes.  Speaking of moisture… would someone like to clue me into why one would drink Gatorade and then immediately spit it out.  If it’s just a show for the cameras, then who taught those guys what fans like to see?  Um, not you spitting out a stream of Gatorade.

 

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Picture is slightly irrelevant because this player seems to actually be drinking his drink.  Which is not a weird thing to do, contrary to what you might think from watching sport’s broadcasts.

 

Today’s game is going to be a struggle for me because I’ve always been an Oswalt fan and part of me really wants his decision to go to the Phillies, because he saw them as a potentially World Series winning team, to pay off.  But he’s the only player from the team who I like, so I am going to try to root totally and utterly for Sanchez and the Giants.  Depending on the state of Sanchez’s chameleon facial hair, that may be more or less difficult.  Will keep you posted.

 

Lastly, for now, on the hair thing… Dear Cody Ross:  A shaved head and sort-of-kind-of-no-not-really beard may be acceptable for a rodeo clown, but, um, it is not in the NLCS.  I suggest you get rid of the beard, pronto.

 

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I was also kind of wondering if Roy was a really popular baby name in 1977, the year Oswalt and Halladay were both born so I looked it up and Roy was the 141st most common name that year.  Then I looked Halladay up and his name isn’t really Roy.  That’s a nickname.  Theory, invalidated.

 

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I would just like to put it out there one last time that I have serious Rally Rag envy issues.  If any generous people have an extra one, leave it by the Prada sunglasses at Saks Fifth Avenue on Union Square.  I spend a good chunk of my life there so I’ll find it within a few days and if you leave your name, I’ll give you a virtual hug.  And a real hug if you buy me some sunglasses.

 

I also came to the realization, when the Fox guys referenced “Giants Baseball:  Torture” that it has been way, way overused.  I love the phrase and think it very well represents the 2010 Giants but everyone just says it so much.  At the least, I hope people will stop telling the whole story behind it.  Because surely we all know by now and we can just use the phrase?  If someone doesn’t know and is interested, well, that’s what Google is for!

 

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Diamond Girl

p.s.  I just noticed last night that Wilson’s glove says, “WILSON” in big black letters.  It is dorky and adorable at the same time.

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And isn’t that just a fantastic pose?

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Barry Zito Needs a Hug and 9 Other Reasons He Might Be Struggling

Zito is not really pitching that well.  Understatement of the Modern Era.  I’ve talked about this before, so I’m just going to cut to the chase:  I have some theories.  Without further ado, please welcome the theories.  ::cue clapping and a few whoops::

 

1.  He needs a hug.  A real, I-believe-in-you, you-can-do-this, hug.

 

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2.  He needs a time-out.  Not like a skipped start, like a time-out, like they give to pre-schoolers.

 

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3.  Powder went missing.  Perhaps was made into a unicorn-burger by a rich San Francisco guy.  Not Barry Zito.  A different rich San Francisco guy.

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Incidentally… do you think Powder and Barry go to the same hair stylist? 

4.  The Brian Wilson attitude rubbed off on him and he thinks it’s dramatic and fun to mix things up and be a first half pitcher, instead, this year.

 

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6.  He figured some record book, some time, might put him in if he never has an ERA under 4.00 while on the Giants.  It’s true, some record book might.  Like the SF Diamond Girl Record Book.  But I can’t think of any other ones.

 

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7.  He misses Bengie.  I do, too.

 

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8.  John Mayer quit Twitter and so Barry got depressed.  Despite the fact that he official quit Twitter a while time ago, he still might be on it.  Secretly.  ::cue conspiracy music::

 

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9.  Chris Rose, Evil Spirit, has it in for him and sticks pins in his voodoo doll before every start.  I want to see this voodoo doll.  I wonder if it really looks like him.  Capturing his complex spirit in a tiny doll might be, you know, complex?  For lack of a better word.

 

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10.  He thinks the idea of being an 126 million dollar cheerleader (that term was coined by Henry Schulman) is interesting.  I do, too.  If someone wants to give me the job instead, feel free to.  Do cheerleaders get special names, like rapper names?  ‘Cause if so, I want to be Psychic Seagull.


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Diamond Girl

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