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How I Imagine a Marlins/Reyes Meeting Would Go Down

Miami, Florida.  Wednesday, November 9th, 2011 around noon.  Traditional Florida things like crocodiles and alligators or whatever are in the vicinity, poking their noses into the scene.

Jose Reyes walks up and shakes hands with team president, David Samson, owner, Jeffrey Loria and GM, Michael Hill.  Reyes is wearing some jeans that droop ever so slightly and are distressed, ever so slightly.  Aviator sunglasses and a punk(ish) t-shirt complete the über-hip look.

Samson, Loria and Hill are in slightly (slightly?) less hip outfits.  Men’s Warehouse type suits, that is.

Samson:  Jose!  Great to see you.

Loria:  Yes, definitely, Mr. Reyes.  (He emphasizes the last word and shoots a death-stare to Samson.)

Hill (interjects):   How was your flight?

Reyes (yawns):  Oh, alright.  Thanks, guys.

(At this point there is a long, somewhat awkward silence.)

Samson:  So, Jose!  Would you like to see the new stadium maybe?  Have a bite to eat?

Jose (finally actually looks at him and then all of them)Where are your suits from?

(Beat.)

Hill:  Um, I don’t remember where I bought it.  Why do you ask?

Jose:  I am positive that I saw that suit at Men’s Warehouse.  Are you kidding me?  Is this a joke?  You expect me to sign with a team so cheap that they buy their suits at Men’s Warehouse?

Samson (triumphantly):  How would you know it was at Men’s Warehouse?  You couldn’t know that unless you shopped there yourself!  (Shoots a look to Loria which is all, I just got in a major line for you.  Loria has an stunning impassive face on.)

Reyes (glares):  Whatever, dudes. 

Loria:  In fact, our payroll is going up a lot in the coming year, Mr. Reyes.  We are hardly cheap.

Hill:  Indeed!  We’re going to making a lot of positive acquisitions to make this team a serious contender.

Reyes (pondering):  Florida Marlins… serious contender…

Loria:  Miami Marlins, you mean.  Miami Marlins.

Reyes (puzzled):  Whatever, dudes.

Samson:  Well, then.  Want some of our amazing new cuisine we’ll be offering at the new stadium?   Some caviar, maybe?

Reyes (puts up hand, warningly):  Sorry, no can do.  I’m on a new, nutritionist recommended diet, so I only eat one food group per day.  Fish day is Sunday.  Sorry.

Loria:  What food is it today?

Reyes:  Wednesday is… I forgot… (pulls out white iPhone and scrolls for a bit.  At last-)  Oh.  You know, it was nice meeting with you guys.  If you want to make an offer to my agent, you can, but I really gotta get going. 

Loria:  We have so many awesome amenities, not to mention our new logo an—

(He stops, because Reyes has sauntered off, with his patented Baseball Player Stride.  The three men stand there in silence for a bit, and then Samson leaves, bent on getting a new suit and putting a clause in his contract that makes sure he will never have to meet with a player again.)

Diamond Girl

p.s.  If you head over and like my Facebook page (link on your right) I can promise you a lifetime supply of Chinese food to your doorstep, every night, around 7.  If you’re an early diner, you’re out of luck.  Or if you move, because it’ll keep going to the same address.  What a gift to bequeath to the next owner of your house, though!  So you should go like it now.  Xoxo and all that.

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No, That Game Did Not Shock Me, What Google Is For And On the 141st Most Common Baby Name in 1977

I wasn’t shocked that the Giants won that game last night.  Has anyone else noticed that the “underdog” always wins?  To an extent that we should just call ‘em the overdogs and be done with it. 

 

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Like everyone else on the face of this beautiful planet, I can’t stand the Fox announcers but I do enjoy seeing it on TV from time to time so this game was fun.  Aside from the fact that Edgar Renteria and Mike Fontenot always look like they’re about to cry.  Has anyone else noticed that?  With Renteria it’s sort of a constant look of melancholy whereas with Fontenot, it’s permanent moisture around his eyes.  Speaking of moisture… would someone like to clue me into why one would drink Gatorade and then immediately spit it out.  If it’s just a show for the cameras, then who taught those guys what fans like to see?  Um, not you spitting out a stream of Gatorade.

 

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Picture is slightly irrelevant because this player seems to actually be drinking his drink.  Which is not a weird thing to do, contrary to what you might think from watching sport’s broadcasts.

 

Today’s game is going to be a struggle for me because I’ve always been an Oswalt fan and part of me really wants his decision to go to the Phillies, because he saw them as a potentially World Series winning team, to pay off.  But he’s the only player from the team who I like, so I am going to try to root totally and utterly for Sanchez and the Giants.  Depending on the state of Sanchez’s chameleon facial hair, that may be more or less difficult.  Will keep you posted.

 

Lastly, for now, on the hair thing… Dear Cody Ross:  A shaved head and sort-of-kind-of-no-not-really beard may be acceptable for a rodeo clown, but, um, it is not in the NLCS.  I suggest you get rid of the beard, pronto.

 

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I was also kind of wondering if Roy was a really popular baby name in 1977, the year Oswalt and Halladay were both born so I looked it up and Roy was the 141st most common name that year.  Then I looked Halladay up and his name isn’t really Roy.  That’s a nickname.  Theory, invalidated.

 

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I would just like to put it out there one last time that I have serious Rally Rag envy issues.  If any generous people have an extra one, leave it by the Prada sunglasses at Saks Fifth Avenue on Union Square.  I spend a good chunk of my life there so I’ll find it within a few days and if you leave your name, I’ll give you a virtual hug.  And a real hug if you buy me some sunglasses.

 

I also came to the realization, when the Fox guys referenced “Giants Baseball:  Torture” that it has been way, way overused.  I love the phrase and think it very well represents the 2010 Giants but everyone just says it so much.  At the least, I hope people will stop telling the whole story behind it.  Because surely we all know by now and we can just use the phrase?  If someone doesn’t know and is interested, well, that’s what Google is for!

 

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Diamond Girl

p.s.  I just noticed last night that Wilson’s glove says, “WILSON” in big black letters.  It is dorky and adorable at the same time.

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And isn’t that just a fantastic pose?

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Question for Y’all

I have a question for y’all.  (I’m in my southern belle mode, because of the Atlanta series.  Forget that.  I’d actually rather not talk about these past four games.)

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This photo is from the scoreboard at AT&T Park a few weeks ago.  Couldn’t “ML Service” and “ML Debut” mean “Major League” or “Minor League”?  Which does it actually mean, majors or minor leagues?

Confused Diamond Girl

 

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His Orange Shoes, My Orange Shoes

One of my favorite things in life: an excuse to go shoe shopping.  So this thing with Brian Wilson’s orange (now orange and Sharpie black) cleats was too good to pass by.

So I went looking and eventually (it’s harder than you’d think to find some nice orange shoes) found these Italian made orange sandals and fell in love with them.  My pink nail polish clashed with it pretty badly though, so I found this orange nail polish called “tangerine” and the result has been immortalized on camera. 

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Now why is there no constitutional amendment that grants people- yes, baseball players are people too- freedom of fashion?  Sign the petition here asking MLB to revoke the fine.  If it’s true that there is no rule, then the fine is incorrect.  And if there is one?  There shouldn’t be.  Unless the cleats have flashing Christmas lights on them, or something.  Every uniform should have a little room for personal flair and the shoes seem like a good place to do it, in a baseball uniform.

Incidentally, I think Brian’s shoes look better post-Sharpie era:

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But no, I’m not Sharpie-ing mine.

Here is my promise to you:  if the Giants go to the post-season, I’ll streak my orange toenails with black.  And if they go to the World Series?  I’m getting an orange extension for my hair.  Or maybe a mohawk like Brian?  Kidding.

Diamond Girl

 

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On Catching a Foul Ball, Loving KNBR and ORANGE CLEATS

I saw Giants win beat the Marlin’s on June 27th and saw Wilson get his 30th save.  The game itself was very exciting especially since it’s only the second time I’ve been there to see them win live this year.  The last time was the 9-0 win in LA, but that was all the way back in April, so this was a nice change.  For the record, I called it that Cain would go 7 innings, Romo would pitch the 8th and Wilson would close it.  Because that’s what I was hoping for and that is exactly what happened.  Thank you, Bruce Bochy.

One of my top 100 goals in life was accomplished:  Catching a foul ball.  Although, technically, I did not catch it.  It bounced to me.  It was hit by Huff during batting practice and it’s all scuffed up, so you can tell it was played.  Can you see my smile, stretching through cyberland?  I thought so. 


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My foul ball

I also won a KNBR t-shirt at the adorable KNBR booth.  My house is now officially KNBRed.  I have a t-shirt and post-its and my brother has a mousepad.  And a wicked imitation of all the different broadcasters home run and strike three calls.Emily with KNBR t-shirt.JPG

Me with my t-shirt at the booth

But everything about the game was lost in the… (drum roll) orange cleats saga!  It seems a little like déjà vu all over again from the Twitter controversy with Wilson.  He seems to land in controversy no matter what he does.  Although orange cleats are not exactly subtle.  You all know I am a big Wilson fan, so I am on his side in this and think the Sharpie thing is mildly hilarious.  $1000 fine, not so much.  I think it’s all been blown a little out of proportion, as seen by my all caps in the title of this post.  Tell him not to wear the cleats and he would probably not wear them.  A fine without a warning and all the press attention?  Disagree.  I think I’m going to be investing in some orange shoes myself in the next few days to show some solidarity.  Will, of course, post pictures if I do.

Speaking of orange…Orange and black moon.JPG

No, I did not edit this photo.  The moon was orange at the game.  Which was amazing, because with the black sky it looked… orange and black!  It was in honor of the Giants, for sure.

Happy 20 years, Kruk and Kuip!

Diamond Girl

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