Tag Archives: cardinals

Letter to the Weather Gods

Dear Weather Gods,

In case I have failed to mention it before, I really love you and your rain.  I love the way it smells and sounds and looks.  I spend my summer bowed down in front of the window praying to you for rain (sort of).  But I can also never say enough times that context is everything.

Hear that?  Yes?  So then what on earth would motivate you to schedule a downpour, perfectly timed to allow the Cardinals to use their ace-guy on short rest in the possible elimination game?  Really, what?

If it’s money you’re after, I can provide it.  In large quantities.  I mean, you’ll have to wait until that lame-looking flick with Ben Stiller and Eddy Murphy comes out next month and teaches me the ins and outs of robbing penthouses, but after that I will deliver.

If this is a power thing, then y’all need therapy.  I get that you’re better than us and can affect even things as important as the World Series, but really, we all learned that lesson way back when, when you did your thing for forty days and forty nights.  And everyone died.  Time to move on.

If you think this is funny in some way, then head over to a local comedy club and regale the patrons with this story.  When no one laughs, come back to me and apologize.

If it’s a Cardinals win you’re after… I don’t even know what to say.  Except that you should really choose your allegiances more carefully because that reflects really poorly on you.  May even change my opinion of rain.  Seriously.

Stay safe.  And drizzly.


Diamond Girl

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The Cardinals Haunt My Dreams (No, Really)

I had a bad dream last night.  My mom (sorry, Mom) was convinced that my family needed more pets than just my fish (who, for the record, I did not end up re-naming Carlos) and wanted us to get two birds.  I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but fine.

What kind of birds do you want to get, I asked?

Cardinals, she answered, with a kind of evil glint in her eyes.

Cute and cuddly pet?  Uh, no.

I woke up and wondered if I had somehow made it all up, because it seemed way to perfectly symbolic for my feelings at the moment to be true.  I mean, I did somehow make it up, seeing as it was my dream, but it was completely unconscious.  Which is what makes it basically very weird with a capital W at the beginning.

Anyhow, last night’s game was certainly nightmare worthy and truly painful to watch.  There are a million ways to second guess the team’s choices (read: Napoli at first base), but in reality it was just a plain ole’ blowout.  They happen.  Horribly timed, yes.  Unheard of, no.  I would like to believe it was just a fluke, too, but I am starting to have a nasty feeling that the Rangers of one of Those Teams, that has trouble in the World Series.   I hope they will prove me wrong tonight and in the next three games after that, but we shall have to see.  In any case, I am sure I speak for everyone when I say that mostly, I just want to see good baseball out there, no matter who wins or loses.  Last night was not good baseball.

Except for, well, Albert.  Tip of the beloved white beanie to him for his amazing trio of home runs.  It couldn’t have happened to a better guy, other than his Cardinal-ness.

Speaking of Cardinals… let’s just nip the whole giving-Emily-nightmares-thing right in the bud, shall we?  Please and thank you.

Diamond Girl

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In Which I Become a FOX Defendant

 I never thought I would do this, but here I am.  I am about to lump myself with FOX.  Why?  Because, well, (deep breath) I also thought Kansas City was in Kansas.  There.  I said it.

I admit that sometimes I am irrational, but I don’t think this was an example of that.  I mean, it would make sense for KC to be in Kansas, right?  Several Google searches later, it appears that there is a KC in Kansas and it mirrors the other one, in Missouri which is the home to the Royals.  So me and FOX weren’t entirely incorrect.  (Just mostly.  You know.)  Is your head spinning yet?  Because mine most certainly is.

This is all to say that as many faults as FOX has, this one is understandable to me.

And why is everyone ripping their x-ray camera, too?  I kind of dig it, actually.  It gives the whole thing a new perspective and makes the somewhat (somewhat?) boring broadcast a little more fun.  For instance, with that ball that Beltre said hit him… it totally proved him right. 

Anyhow, last night was a lot more fun that Wednesday, I will tell you that.  The Rangers seemed to break out of their Oh-My-God-We-Are-In-The-World Series funk, in the way I remember the Giants doing it in Game 1 last year, following that crazy first inning (remember Timmy’s error?  And how we all thought that was it?  Ha.).  And it was glorious to watch.  It wasn’t beautiful, it wasn’t a show of crazy offensive strength, it wasn’t spectacular in any way.  It was more, to me, the team showing how they can win even when they are not at their very best and that, my friends, is glorious.

Watch out, Cardinals, the Texas Rangers are here with a vengeance.  (Can you say “here with a vengeance” or does it need to be “back with a vengeance?)

Now I need to go eat apple sauce and click my heels together and say, kansascityisnotinkansaskansascityisnotinkansaskansascityisnotinkansas a million times.  If you’ll excuse me…

Diamond Girl

p.s.  It is worth noting, you know, that the game only started to go the Rangers way when I remembered to put on my antlers in the late innings.  And Nolan Ryan’s tan trench coat was wonderful.  That too.

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This One Goes Out to People Who Are Not Interested in the World Series

Dear People Who Are Not Interested in the World Series,

Look, if you don’t want to be interested, that’s fine with me.  I have a bit of an unfortunate hipster thing going on (minus the fedora and Adele obsession, thankfully) so I like it when I’m going against the trends and all that.

But I think you’re missing out.  Seriously.  And there seem to be an awful lot of you, which is what worries me.  Why would you not be interested in a Cards/Rangers matchup?  I could list all the reasons it is going to be awesome and amazing and loads of fun, but I make too many lists on this blog, so I will spare you.

I just don’t understand.  If this has to do with the cities and prejudices against them, then graduate pre-school and talk to me then.  Sorry, did that sound terrible?  I’m just a wee bit frustrated.  The players are not from the city.  The management is not from the city.  Sometimes the owners aren’t even from the city.   All stadiums pretty much look the same, especially on TV, so what is this all about?

The Rangers are a really, really fun team to watch.  Everyone I’ve met who’s actually just watched them play baseball agrees with that.  I have less experience with the Cardinals, but as far as I know they’re pretty darn fun as well.  Teams and cities seem to come with so much baggage and that people would skip a World Series on that account makes me sad.  Say it’s just a team you think is dull.  The Series can still be fun!  It’s like the Academy Awards.  Sure, there are lame years, but it’s still the biggest award show in the film industry.  Why not give it a peek and see how it goes?   And I don’t even think that this is a lame year at all.

So could y’all throw the prejudices out the window and enjoy these last seven or so games of baseball?  March is a long way off.

On a more pleasant note… Happy World Series Wednesday!  I am curling up with my bite-sized chapters of the Economics of Life, which are perfectly suited to the ad breaks and some trail mix and getting seriously stoked for this.

Diamond Girl


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The Only Place That They Make Dr Pepper According to its Original Formula Is Playing the Place That Actually Invented It In the World Series.

For any of my readers who are still undecided as to who to root for when the World Series kicks off tomorrow, I’ve created a handy list.  Mark your preferences as you go and at the end, tally it up and know your team!

One thing to the two states seem to agree on?  Square dancing.  They both have it as their official state dance.

The Lone Star State vs. The Home of the Blues

The only place in the world that they make Dr Pepper according to its original formula vs. the place they actually invented it

Monarch Butterflies vs. Honey Bees

Friendship vs. The Welfare of the People

The first suspension bridge in the history of the US vs. the tallest recorded person in medical history

A cattle population of nearly 16 million vs. the largest beer producing plant in the nation

A name that means “Friends/Allies” vs. one that means “Town of Large Canoes”

The invention of domed stadiums vs. the invention of the ice cream cone

Mockingbird vs. Bluebird

The place they made the largest oatmeal cake in the world vs. the place where they consume more barbeque sauce per capita than anywhere else

The world’s largest parking lot vs. Laura Ingalls Wilder

A place you can be legally married by introducing someone as your husband or wife three times vs. a place where bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws are illegal

And no, neither of those last two are corroborated.  I somehow doubt their validity in fact.  But hey, if they help you choose allegiances, what does it matter?

Diamond Girl

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