There are so many things I could write about today. The fact that AJ Burnett is either delusional or his therapist told him to repeat positive affirmations to anyone and everyone. The fact that the World Class Good Guy seems to be morphing into a World Class Bad Guy before our very eyes. The fact that Mat Latos is on a bizarre anti-SF rampage. And then the whole, “is Aaron Rowand mad?” thing (although no one except me seems that fascinated by that). What I actually want to write about is the thing that made me wonder if there was indeed a minimum age to be in the Majors. Apparently, they let pre-adolescents in. Or at least, people with very preadolescent senses of humor.
Andrew Baggerly of the San Jose Mercury News (who, by the way, is killing all the other writers with his coverage of Spring Training) reports that Brian Wilson’s new ride is a fully decked out police cruiser. With a loudspeaker. On which he announces his arrival in the morning with, “I’m heeeere!”
If I gave my little brother a toy police cruiser for his birthday, yes, he might do that. But that is no excuse for Brian. My brother is 20-odd years younger than him. That’s not what they mean when they say, “unlock the child within you”. At least I hope it isn’t.
If he thinks the Obamas having a water dog is not cool, then I would like to say that driving a police cruiser is, um, not cool either. Just saying. Don’t want to get arrested. Don’t want to get arrested. Don’t want to get put in Bad Fan Prison. But that is not cool.
So, of course, I made him a list of 5 cooler cars. If you are slightly or very puzzled by this and the last paragraph, watch this quick episode of Life of Brian.
5. Ferrari. I don’t actually get the obsession with Ferrari’s and that they’re everybody’s dream car. Except for the name. I melt for Italian names. (My father just alerted me that his parents had several Ferraris, which I was not previously aware of. I know about the Emilio Pucci dresses and the Chanel boots they have passed down, but, until now, nothing about the hip cars.)
4. Prius. This is the cool of the future. ::Joe Martinez yells, “The car from the Ghost Writer!” I ignore:: Set the trends, Willy!
3. A Chrysler. I am being a shameless ad sucker here, but I am still into that Superbowl Chrysler ad.
2. An old school VW bus. You know, the kind Timmy wanted. They may not think that’s cool down in Hollywood but it’s way cool up here.
1. And Joe said that coolest one of all. The car from The Ghost Writer. I have referenced this before, here. That beautiful car has an intelligent GPS that will lead you to the murder spot of your predecessor at work. If that isn’t cool, what is?
There. No one can accuse me of not giving useful advice now. I just got you your baseball news and a list of cool cars, lumped into one.
I am calling grocery stores all over the Bay Area trying to find one that stocks mass amounts of popcorn. This Michael Young saga may last a long time. I still have my Team Jon shirt, but I’ve run out of popcorn. Over or under, 40 days and 40 nights? ‘Cause I need to know so I can stock up.