Tag Archives: brian wilson

My Garden Gnome Phobia Explained

I have to tell you, I don’t usually consider myself to be a shallow person (except when you dangle D&G sunglasses under my nose, but that’s a different story) but there’s been one rather shallow thing that has been bothering me all spring.  See, I should be worried about Brian Wilson’s kinda-sorta injury.  Or Freddy Sanchez non-existent progress.  But what am I worrying about instead?  A giveaway.  That the Giants are doing this year.  In my defense, they post about it c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y on their Facebook page.  This kind of thing leads to nervous breakdowns, people.  I see stuff about the antagonistic giveaway every time I log in to go stalk someone who I might maybe know from something.

Which giveaway am I talking about, you might ask?

The insert-player-name-here gnome giveaway, I would answer (through strongly clenched teeth).

You might still ask what I am talking about, if you live under a rock/do not like the Giants page on Facebook.  So for that minority of the population, I will provide explanatory photos.  Here you go, People Who Live Under a Rock:

Pablo Sandoval on the left, Brian Wilson on the right.  In case you find them unrecognizable, like I do.

They’re giving away the Pablo Sandoval one in September and the Wilson one in May, if my memory serves me correctly.  Which is may or may not.  The point is, I do not like this one bit.  I saw Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain (commonly known as simply Amélie) at a young and impressionable age and what really stuck with me from it was the whole garden gnome thing.  It even has a Wikipedia article.  It might have been a sweet element in the film, I honestly don’t remember.  But it struck me as incredibly, unshakably creepy.  I have never gotten over that.

Don’t you think the Giants should be doing a little more research to be sure that their mega-fans don’t have phobias of things they plan to give away?  And also that it falls below 100% on the Creep-O Meter?

For those of you who want to know why this made such an impression on me, the scene about the garden gnomes is on YouTube.  I’m too scared to watch it, so if a weird laughing cat appears in the middle or something, blame YouTube, not me.

Diamond Girl


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In Photos: The Whole Spring-Debut Thing

Spring Training brings a lot of completely fantastic things, but also brings one thing that is, well, only kinda-sorta fantastic.  I’m talking spring-debuts.  Those strange, wonderful first appearances of a player who you usually haven’t seen in what feels like millions of years, due to injury.  At some point during Spring Training, they come out for their long-awaited first appearance and leave me a serious ball of nerves.  Observe:

That’s me during spring-debuts.  Because I am really excited and I do really want the player in question to rock all our socks off (Exhibit A: Excited) but I’m also just scared out of my head (Exhibit B: Scared Out  of My Head).  What if everything goes terribly?  It makes me feel like a party planner again or something.  Fun Fact About Diamond Girl: I ran a party planning business for three ill-fated weeks several summers ago.  Still around?

Anyhow.  The point here is, I don’t like being reminded of those party planning days.  Or being a ball of nerves, period.  So Buster Posey/Brian Wilson/et al.?  Keep that one in mind when you bash yourselves up this year, m’kay?  Now allow me smother you in comfort food and welcome you back to the show.

Diamond Girl


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Playoff Expansion, First Spring Training Game, Conspiracy Theories and All That Good Stuff

Spring Training is one of my favorite times of year (well, spring, but spring is synonymous with Spring Training, right?) because of all the promise and optimism it brings, but also because of the endless news buzzing it creates.  After a long and quiet winter- if you’re a Giants fan, that is, because we’re rather sleepy in the winter like that- it’s endlessly lovely to hear real, concrete news.

I’m not talking about injury news, though, Dan Runzler, Tim Lincecum, Brian Wilson, Freddy Sanchez, Ryan Vogelsong et al., so don’t go getting any ideas.  I would choose a rainy, snoozy news day over a They Are Falling Like Flies day any time.

What I am talking about?  Playoff expansion, for one.  Bud Selig has gotten down to work, following his extra (baseball) life which he was granted over the offseason, and the extra wild card deal was finalized today.  I felt surprisingly ambiguous at the time of the announcement because, heck, it’s March 2nd and the Giants are playing their first Spring Training game tomorrow and the world is beautiful and the playoffs could not be farther from my mind, but as the day went on, my feelings changed.

Which, I am kind of guessing, was part of MLB’s plan.  Ready for my conspiracy theory?  Okay, here goes: MLB is doing this when everyone is out of their permanently touchy offseason modes and still basking in the glow of baseball being back, so as to soften possible backlash.  And it seems to have worked, actually.  Which, yes, could have to do with the fact that we were all expecting this by now or just that no one is genuinely outraged, but that is far of a less compelling thought.  I vote for my conspiracy theory, anyone with me?

Anywho.  The reason I’m not for those extra wild cards, I suppose, is both a pro and con of the whole thing.  I think it makes it all even more a crap shoot, to use a Billy Beane-ism.  People are saying it’s exciting because it makes the playoffs even more “everyone’s game”, which is true.  And I see the appeal of that.  I’m sure that extra wild card team will win the World Series from time to time and it will make for a fabulous story.  But with the 162 game format, I’m more of the opinion that we should shy away from that whole crapshoot thing.  Winning big in baseball is about perseverance and I like it that way.  I think this just changes the game.  For better or for worse?  Who knows.  Only time will tell.  (Other half of me:  Duh!  For worse!  But I’m trying to be all non-judgmental here, so just forget I said that.)

Onto lighter and brighter things, I am soamazinglystokedforthegametomorrow.  I will probably be missing the majority of it due to more umpire training, but I will hopefully be catching- in a purely non-Buster-Posey-ish sense- the beginning.  I’m not even sure what to say about that, except that I’m not even thinking about winning or losing or injuries just… baseball game.  Baseball game.  Say it aloud and grin to yourself.  Do it.

(Try reminding me of that whole “not about winning or losing” thing in September.  Actually, don’t.  I can be snappish, on occasion.  That sounds like an occasion.)

Diamond Girl

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What Do I Search On YouTube? Well…

After the extraordinary multitude of hideous dresses at the Academy Awards last night, I went to YouTube this evening to search up my favorite Dior fashion show which is fashion-therapeutic for me.  Then I looked back at the search box and what I had typed.

For the record, I was trying to say, “dior spring couture 2011.”  Still, YouTube didn’t seem to care.  It completely ignored that fact that my head is quite possibly screwed on the wrong way and showed me Dior shows, just like I wanted.  But I felt a little head-screwed-on-wrong all the same.

I have now defaced a Galliano dress in the name of this blog.  You are welcome to thank me, y’all.

Speaking of the head problems?  Let’s talk Academy Awards for a moment.  Suffice to say, padded shoulder jackets are terrible- looking at you, Glenn Close- and Howard Shore’s soundtrack to Hugo is one of the greatest in recent history.  But Billy Crystal is always funny and I got 17 out of 24 of my predictions right, which won me my video rental store’s contest and a boatload of free movies, so all is well in the world.

And now that award season is all finished, I am free to attempt a tan (ha!) and talk about Tim Lincecum’s back (problems) 24 hours a day and seven days a week.  In between glaring pointedly at photos of Brian Wilson and simultaneously hoping that he and all the endlessly iffy-somewhat-slightly-injured players are really ready for Opening Day.  Spring Training is just the practice run.  I am terribly jittery about the real thing.

And that Giants-Rangers match-up on March 23rd?  Yeah.  I’m jittery about that too.  My double/triple/quadruple life can be exhausting, you know.  And YouTube always ends up taking the brunt of it.  Someday I will put an apple (not Apple-apple, just a plain ol’ red thing, people) on its desk and thank it for its hard work.

Diamond Girl


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Dodgers Fans Think Giants Fans Do Voodoo and Other Facts of Life

I love internet trends.  This, you know.  (If you don’t believe me, feel free to count how many Yu Darvish puns I’ve made on my Twitter account in the past three months.  Really, Yu totally should.)  So when I started seeing all these “What I Do” photos circulating the blogosphere?  I jumped on the bandwagon.  There are some pretty hilarious ones for Sith Lords, Social Media Managers and Tech Support peeps, among others.  And then there’s mine for Giants fans.  I’m kind of biased and all, but I think it’s pretty funny.

Rest assured, society, I do not have a back tattoo of a scary looking cardinal (although I do have nightmares about them) and Dodger fans, I will not confirm or deny the whole voodoo thing.  I mean, wasn’t your team the one that paid a guru a million and one dollars to give you good vibes via webcam from Russia?  Let’s just say we’re even now.

Diamond Girl


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