Tag Archives: brian sabean

Say Hello to the Gullible Giants!

The word is that Guillermo Mota is on a plane to join the Giants in Houston.  I mean, he might not actually be on the plane anymore, because Houston’s pretty close, but the point is: he’s a-coming back.  Yep.

I’m pretty ambiguous on this front.  I don’t have a problem with them bringing him back post-PEDs.  I don’t think it’ll solve any problems, but I’m not against it, either.  Still, I am a little disturbed by their claim (which MLB officially agrees with) that they believe his whole daughter’s-cough-syrup defense.  Granted, the specifics of the case aren’t public and there may have been really overwhelming evidence, but still… I have a hard time believing it.  By “Hard time” I mean, “Who am I kidding, I don’t believe it at all.”

What I am wondering, though, is what else I could get the Giant to believe.  This could be fun!  Say hello the Gullible Giants.  Here are a few other things they believe:

The cough syrup defense is looking increasingly plausible, actually.

Diamond Girl

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Why Zack Greinke Needs a Coffee Maker, The Giants Need to Borrow Busch Stadium and Boromir Needs to Talk To Me

So that was a pretty marvelous road trip.  We’ve all heard about those teams that do well at home but are morbidly bad when they go on the road.  Zack Greinke famously offered up bad hotel coffee as his reason for allowing billions of runs on the road.  The Giants might offer up, oh, a ballpark that is permanently socked in with fog and has walls that stretch all the way to Southern California as their reason for not being able to really ever (never) score runs at home.  Greinke needs to just bring his own coffee maker.  The Giants solution is probably not so simple.  Global warming might help.  I’m not an Inconvenient Truth expert, but that’s not a short-term solution.  It’s going to get warmer before it gets colder and stuff, right?

Suggestion time!

a)      Borrow Coors Field.  Prop up San Francisco so that it’s at altitude.

b)      Borrow Busch Stadium.  Make San Francisco 100 degrees all the time.

c)       Get ridiculously good hitter off of waivers.  Ridiculously good hitter who’s also ridiculously expensive, so nobody else will claim him.  Winning the lottery would also help.  ‘Cause we’re kind of poor right now, according to Sabes et al.

d)      Have Ryan Vogelsong pitch every day.  Then we don’t have to score that many runs.  Any runs.  Ryan VogelALLOWSNORUNS.

e)      Score more runs.  Why am I not a GM, guys?  I have the most brilliant ideas.

They did win 15-0 last night.  They may or may not actually need my suggestions.  They’re kicking off a home series against the Rockies tomorrow night (smiley face – the Rockies, people) and things may very well continue being rosy.  With Brian Sabean’s Brainchild Marco Scutaro in the lineup?  Uh-huh.  This may very well continue being rosy.

Also, I am making frappuccino cupcakes right now so I’ll have more patience with the Giants foibles.  Frappuccino cupcakes make everything better.

Diamond Girl

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Battle of the 55s

The pitching matchup for tonight!

Am I thousand years behind everyone else in noticing this?  Alternately, seeing as there are a thousand and one 55s in MLB, does nobody else care?  Tonight is a big game, of course, because every Lincecum start is a chance at redemption and what better way to lead into redemption than that 12-7 win last night?  (Correction:  Thanks to tweeter @jeni_2782 for pointing out that the final was actually 14-7.  Say what?  I’m telling you, I can’t keep track of a team that actually scores runs.)  I am not used to those crooked numbers, not used to them at all.  I mean, for a little bit there, I felt like I was watching the Rangers.  Then I remembered that the Rangers have a cool General Manager who broadcasts a few innings of his team’s games on the radio and things and the Giants have Brian Sabean.  Talk about a reminder of what’s what.  That was kind of a sad moment but still, I enjoyed the game.

The Marlins stadium still weirds me out but, hey, if nightclubs are kind of their thing, who am I to criticize?  I am setting my wedding date with Kate Spade New York as I write.  Besides, that tidbit about the club section being so loud they couldn’t hear the phone in the bullpen is seriously priceless.  Remember when Tony La Russa suggested smoke signals because there was a big miscommunication between the bullpen and the dugout?   I thought it was a fantastic idea.  The Marlins might consider it too, just as long as they can figure out how to create teal smoke.  I have complete faith on that front.

The internet knows what I’m talking about.

Let’s also just talk Melky Cabrera for a moment, before I go.  That guy, guys.  He is the best thing to happen to San Francisco since Joe Martinez or something.  (No sarcasm there, I am terribly partial to Joe Martinez.  Never mind the stats.)  I admit to being perpetually puzzled by the Melk Men thing – I think it’s before my time maybe… don’t judge but I kind of get my milk at a grocery store – but with due love to J-Sanch, the Giants got the best part of that trade.   The best, the best.  Observe:

Tiene Leche, as the Yankees used to say.  Maybe we’re not cursed after all?

Diamond Girl

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These Are the Things I Will Have Achieved by the Time MadBum’s Contract is Up

If my life plan goes according to schedule.  What is my life plan, you ask?  Let me fill you in.  I will have:

  • Graduated from my Ivy League uni of choice, summa cum laude
  • Met Mr. Right who has a surprising resemblance to the theoretical child of Sean Bean/Ewan McGregor/Michael Fassbender
  • Gotten large (large) diamond ring from aforementioned Mr. Right.  Hey, this blog is called Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend.  Need I really say more?
  • Won an Academy Award for strange acting performance in strange indie film
  • Won a Pulitzer for amazing reporting skills on Watergate 2.0
  • Won a Newberry Award for my heartwrenching novel skills
  • Win a Nobel Peace Prize for… TBD
  • Had a super-dramatic photo of my fish featured on the cover of Time
  • Had my futuristic yet trendy designs shown at New York Fashion Week
  • Been at the Olympics for something at some point
  • Met Will and Kate.  ‘Nuff said.
  • Switched places with Kate for the day, if only for that fantastic Alexander McQueen wardrobe
  • Probably met Sean Bean/Ewan McGregor/Michael Fassbender and professed my undying love for them (this is not required, but hoped for)
  • Gone the moon and made footprints there and stuff
  • Found a cure to cancer

Whew!  I have a busy seven years ahead of me.  But this is all just to put a little context on the amount on time in the new Madison Bumgarner contract (which is actually five years, with options for the last two).  I love Bumgarner, but that’s still a long long time.  Brian Sabean, you understand the magnitude of what you have undertaken, right?  Okay.  Good. 

Diamond Girl

p.s.  For the record, I am a hipster blogger with no life plan.  Do not take any of that seriously.  Thanks, darlings.

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10 Things I Am Adoring About Spring Training

So!  My fish is now safely back in his bowl and I am ready to rock and roll once more.  I’m catching up on the baseball news I missed while I slept (and slept and slept) and I think things are looking pretty fabulous for the Giants.  Blogging Spring Training is always a very welcome challenge to me, but a challenge all the same.  Aside from (doesnotjinx) injuries (doesnotjinxagin), the Giants always look pretty fabulous to me, just by nature of the fact that they are wearing baseball uniforms and throwing balls and swinging bats.  I mean, would it really be fair of me to demand more of them?  In addition to that, I hate writing Spring Training game recaps almost as much as I hate reading them, so those are out the question for my blog.  Before you snatch my baseball fan card out of my hands for that particular bombshell, allow me to explain myself.  Game recaps tend to be a snooze, unless they have lots of hilarious quotes in them and since I don’t have all-access passes to the stadium or anything, I don’t have my own quotes.  Lastly, there’s a lot of downerness.  Especially when Timmy and Vogelsong and Surkamp are all basically questionable human beings.  (Ballplayers, that is.)

So!  This is all to explain why I’m writing the list below.  To fill the obvious void I see.  Okay?  Okay.    

Let’s proceed, then.  10 Things I Am Adoring About Spring Training.  Here goes.

10.  It’s Spring Training.  And there are bees.  I could just stop the list right here.

9.  The pitchers all throwing two innings and us all whooping like mad.  I totally do it, but it still cracks me up every time.  Let’s just say we get to see a lot of different pitchers out there every game.

8.  It reminds me of the drama of years past.  I’m talking Michael Young vs. Jon Daniels, Albert Pujols vs. Cardinals, Barry Bonds vs. The Rest of the World.  There have been some epic battles and this time of year always brings them back to mind.  There’s no warring quite like Spring Training warring.

7.  The hideous black uniforms.  Just kidding.  I don’t like those at all.  I hate those.  But I had to mention ‘em all the same.  Fashion faux-pas of extraordinary proportions must be brought to light.  Just because I wear all black all the time doesn’t mean baseball players can pull that deal off.

6.   The pictures.  By the time the regular season rolls around, I think the media figures we are over the feel-good TwitPics of assorted players doing assorted things (read: nothing).  But we’re not.  We’re really not.  We love them at all times.  ‘Specially now.

5.  Battles of the first base sort.  I still have an affinity for Aubrey Huff, Brandon Belt poses with baby giraffes, for Pete’s sake, and I have been quite taken with Brett Pill’s game.  So my stance on the 1B battles is TBA.  But I am enjoying the show, for sure.

4.  Half of my besties is back, of course.  Which besties, you might ask?  I’m talking about Jon Miller and Dave Flemming, of course, Baseball Broadcasters and Besties Extraordinaire.  Dave isn’t dropping in until Opening Day, but Jon should keep me going until then.

3.  Baffling, cryptic comments from everyone and anyone.  Am I really the only one who feeds of those hilarious, masked statements from All People Who Have Connections to Baseball?  The offseason drivel just doesn’t hit the spot like this does.

2.  Buster Posey being alive and kicking and baseball-playing.  ‘Nuff said.  Tomorrow, which is supposed to be his first start of the spring, is going to be legen… wait for it, wait for it… dary!  Seriously.  Legendary.

1.  Yu Darvish.  Yep, that’s me, the Giants fan.  But seriously, I was just so absolutely, terribly excited to see his first start and will continue to be excited about his next 500 starts.  I love me some Yu.  And I want to prove that Jon Daniels was obviously completely in paying him a billion and one dollars.  Personal stake in this, y’all.

Diamond Girl

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