Tag Archives: blown call

Script: My Conversation with Brian Sabean

Time: The Present

Setting:  Post-apocalyptic San Francisco with red tinged sky and eerie silence, except for bats flying around.  Okay, fine.  It’s an office at AT&T Park.  I was trying just to liven things up.  Brian Sabean and Diamond Girl are sitting in the office.  Sabean is wearing a grey suit, minus jacket.  DG is wearing a sweater dress, jeggings and boots.  Her perfume is Amber by Prada and her purple eyeshadow is from MAC. 

DG:  Hello, Brian!

Sabean (looking slightly suspicious):  Hello, Diamond Girl.

DG:  You know, I’m so glad to meet you.  I’ve always been a huge fan of yours.

Sabean (Looking very suspicious):  Huh.  Funny I saw on your blog that you stopped rooting for the Giants in the World Series because you were unhappy with me.

DG:  Uh, no.  That totally didn’t happen. 

Diamond Girl subtly pulls out iPod Touch and deletes the post he is referencing.

DG:  Anyway, Sabes.

Sabean:  Brian.  Or Mr. Sabean.  Or GM Extraordinaire.   Whatever.  Just not that horrible nickname.   I can’t stan–

DG:  Okkkkaayyy.   Moving right along.  What I was trying to say is just that I think you’ve done a great job at setting up your team to repeat in 2011.

Sabean:  Who gave you this meeting?  I have better ways to spend my time than listening to fangirls tell me why my team is awesome.

DG:  I have my ways.  Of getting meetings.

The scene fades and there is a flashback of DG in a witch hat over a cauldron saying an incantation to get a meeting with Brian Sabean.  Scene flashes back.

DG:  Actually, GM Extrordinai–

Sabean:  Please.  I wasn’t being serious.  That was just an example.

DG:  Oh.  Sorry.  Okay.  Mr. Sabean.  I actually have an idea for y’all.

Sabean:   Do enlighten me.

DG:  You know how you’ve always had that sort of loser-hanger-oner-starter the past few years?

Sabean:  Like Wellemeyer or Joey.

DG:  Right.  Who do you think is going to fill that role this year?

Sabean:  We’re World Series champs, Diamond Girl.  We don’t need loser-hanger-oner-starters.

DG:  I beg to differ.  And the great part is that this interesting, talented, only slightly loser-hanger-oner-starter was just DFA’ed.

Sabean:  That’s too good to be true!

DG:  But it is true.  His name is Armando Galarraga and the Tigers DFA’ed him.  Sure, there’s a 2.5 million dollar contract there, but we got money, right?

Sabean:  Wow, Diamond Girl!  What a great idea!

Sabean turns to phone and calls Dave Dombrowski .  Within a few minutes, the deal is complete. 

Exeunt DG and Sabean.  Scene fades.

About these ads

6 Comments

Filed under Dailies

Diamond Girl’s Retrospective of the 2010 Season

(Quickly… looking through the This Year in Baseball Awards and it’s so much fun to relive it all.  Armando Galarraga.  I’d forgotten about that, can you believe it?  Roy Oswalt in left.  Ichiro and a teenage girl being the ultimate Teenage Girl.  Dallas Braden’s perfect game.  So many fun moments.  Anyway.  Two quick things.  I’ll try to keep them quick.  First- I saw the Ryan Braun’s catch against the Giants on September 17th is one of the top plays.  To be honest, I’d forgotten all about that too but now I’m remembering what a fun day, a highlight of the 2010 season, it was for me.  And how perfect it was for Ryan to make that catch.  Needless to say, I held my “I Love U, Ryan Braun” sign high.  I’m also campaigning for Jon Daniels for Executive of the Year.  If any of you live in or spend time in Berkeley, you’ll know that someone named Josh Daniels was running for school board in the last election, so there were signs for him all over.  Couldn’t we, in true Bay Area sprit, recycle them and make them say, “Jon Daniels for Executive of the Year”?)

 

One week tomorrow since the Giants became World Series Champions and the 2010 season finished.  Time to do my retrospective.  This collage is my photo highlights of things I’ve written about and done relating to baseball this past season.  This collage is joined by three all-important items:  designer sunglasses, a hairbrush (heart-shaped, no less) and a baseball.

Collage2.jpg

March

Diamond Girl sees video of Zito at Spring Training talking about new socks.  She is puzzled.

Opening Day

Diamond Girl sees Zito’s socks.  She prays that she is hallucinating.

 

Later in April

Diamond Girl visits LA.  LA survives.  Barely.

May

Buster Posey sees ball and hits ball in debut.  World calls NY Times, but Diamond Girl does not.  She is getting a (non-Buster-Posey-themed) pedicure.

June

Diamond Girl gets picture of self with Barry Zito and aforementioned picture sets record for most comments on DG’s Facebook page.  80% female comments.

 

July

When the NL bullpen at the All-Star game goes from a Dodger to a Padre, Diamond Girl begins rooting for the AL.  (Some historians link this to her later switch of allegiances during the World Series.)

 

August

Brian Wilson grows beard.  Male portion of world grows beards, female portion wears fake beards.  Diamond Girl does not.  She is getting a (non-beard-themed) manicure.

September

Tim Lincecum cuts hair.  Diamond Girl calls the NY Times to give a tip on the sensational story but they don’t answer the phone. 
               
Later in September

Diamond Girl luvs u, Ryan Braun.  Ryan Braun ignores.

 

October

Diamond Girl announces that she is rooting for the Rangers in the World Series.  World attempts to call NY Times but they have blocked World’s number, due to the volume of Buster Posey and Cody Ross related calls. 

 

November

Giants win World Series.  World celebrates by setting fires and turning over police cars.  Diamond Girl celebrates by taking off nail polish, straightening hair and eating (non-baseball decorated) vanilla cupcakes.

 

Diamond Girl + World + San Francisco Giants + NY Times live happily ever after.

 

The End.

 

::cue clapping::

Leave a comment

Filed under Dailies