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Top 5 Ways to Be a Well-Liked Professional Athlete

Actually, these don’t just apply to professional athletes.  They sorta apply to everyone.  But with all the trouble athletes have been getting into these past few months, I thought I’d throw out of a few pro tips.

5.  Even if a team offers you a unique concept deal (is that like a concept album, JD?), do everyone a favor and be polite about declining it.  I’m not getting over this one any time soon, Josh Hamilton.  But have fun in Anaheim.  I hear it’s a great city.  Hahahaha.

4.  Don’t go to the airport drunk and without ID.  But should you happen to fall into that situation, instagraming some inspiration quotes should get you out of the public’s doghouse pretty fast.  Okay, Sergio Romo?  Okay.

3.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep.  Especially promises like, I’ll be ready for Opening Day after my second Tommy John surgery.  There’s no shame in recovery.  But there is some shame in your words being a whole lot bigger than what you can actually do.  Hiya, Brian Wilson.

2.  Don’t dope and then lie about it.  Important: if you’re going to do it, though, try not to, oh, alienate absolutely everyone else in the sport.  Having allies is a good thing, Lance.

1.  Don’t have an imaginary dead girlfriend.  This is a big one.  However, if you go against my advice, give the Associated Press the name of a real city when asked where she was (not) buried.  Carson City, California sounds like Wonderland, though.   I wish I could go there.

Happy-January-is-inching-by-soon-it-will-be-time-for-Spring-Training Day!

Diamond Girl

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Baseball Teams Do Not Care About Their Fans.

Baseball teams do not care about their fans.  I came to this realization today.

And I don’t say this for the reasons you think – it’s not the jawdropping prices on tickets and water (HUMAN NECESSITY, by the way) or the fact that they trade everyone’s favorite players or only give away their junky bobbleheads to a completely arbitrary number of people just so they can watch us get trampled/kill ourselves after all that time surrounded by raw and horrifying humanity.

No.  I’m not talking about any of that.  Although on second thought…

Still no.  I’m talking about the alarming way that they all do things on the same day in the offseason.  Weeks (okay, it’s actually days, but it’s the offseason and we’re baseball fans and it feels like weeks) go by with nothing happening except for the odd rumor about a player you may or may not have heard of going to a team you may or may not have heard of.  I am partially kidding and partially looking at you, Indians.

And then suddenly they all decide on one day they’re going to tear up the World Wide Web and make all their moves and make their fans’ heads spontaneously combust.

Ahem.  Josh Hamilton signed with the Angels today much to his surprise and her surprise and meanwhile, the Giants were all, LOL, that was just a joke, of course we want Andres Torres.  And they signed him again.  We fans responded, “Yes, duh, we were wondering what getting rid of him was about.  Glad it was a joke.  LOL or whatever.” 

While I’m happy about the Torres move because hell, how could you not be, I am really hating the world because of the Josh Hamilton thing.  Baseballisabusiness, but signing within the division is not a nice move under the best of circumstances, which are not Josh Hamilton’s, and if what the Rangers are saying is true, that Hamilton didn’t call them until the deal was all inked, then that doubly does not make Hamilton look very good.  I am unusually angry at him.

I think Hamilton is an extraordinary player, but I think the Rangers will be all right without him.  Likewise, I don’t think either of the cash-happy LA teams will finish in first place next season.  Not even second place, if you peek in my crystal ball.  The Rangers are in a very interesting position right now and I think they will certainly make some significant moves either now or at the trade deadline, while in the NL West, the Giants are eying the Dodgers but pretty much staying put, but I am of the opinion that both teams will be just fine.  In addition to being the new Moneyball, in a strange turn of events.

But I can say with certainty that everyone will do silly giveaways for the first 20,000 fans and sell $8 water.  It’s nice that some things never change.

Diamond Girl

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The Rangers Lost But the Bubble Cam Made My Night

(Brief blog post because I’m sleepy and Sleepy Emily blog posts go downhill fast.  So, here goes.)

We went to the Rangers-Angels game tonight in Anaheim.  It was my first baseball game ever where I was not in a sweater (and/or winter coat and/or winter boots and/or skiing gloves) by the end, which was kind of fantastic but the game was… not fantastic at all.  At all at all.  The Rangers lost by a final of 7-4 and Matt Harrison, who started for Texas, was pretty awful.  To add insult to injury, Alexi Ogando (Who Is My Favorite Ranger Ever) came in in relief, and melted.  In pure, Barry Zito, ice-cream-cone-in the-sun fashion.  Me and my polka dotted shorts shrunk down into the seat while the Anaheim fans did the wave and stuff and that was that.

 

They lost.  It was ugly.  It’s my second Rangers game of the season – the first was in Oakland – and they’ve lost both times.  Don’t say what you’re thinking because I know you’re thinking it.  I do not (do not) jinx them.  I’m seriously good luck.  The karma just, um, hasn’t itself out quite yet.  But it’s going to.  I am going to have to make it to #3 this year so I can prove the point.  Preferably a Yu start, just ‘cause.  Matt Harrison starts may or may not be out.

Also, at Angels Stadium they do something called a Bubble Cam (is this devilry unique to Anaheim?  Because I’ve never seen it before.) where they show fans on the Jumbotron and distort their faces with funhouse mirror type effects.  It was kind of a snooze until the end when… they showed Yu Darvish.  In the dugout.  With his hat all blown up and distorted.  And he laughed.  He laughed, guys.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Yu Darvish laugh before but it made my night.  I’m not usually much of a fangirl, but believe me when I say I am a Yu Darvish fangirl.

As a said, these kinds of posts go downhill fast.  Good night, people.  Catch you all tomorrow.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Nah, we’re not talking about the Giants game.  That’s probablyreally not a good idea.

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Hello from Red Sox Nation!

Seriously, guys.  Everyone here is a Red Sox fan.  Everyone.  And if they’re not a Red Sox fan, they still hate the Yankees.  It’s a little bit eerie, actually.  As I landed in Boston yesterday, a woman behind me was filling in her kids on the Sox game and said something about Cody Ross.  I was this close to turning around and being all, “2010 World Series, baby!” when I realized that I was in Boston now and they were not the least bit interested in the 2010 World Series.  I picked up my black-and-white checkered tote and zipped my lips.

I missed last night’s game because being a West Coast fan on the East Coast is horrible and I couldn’t stay awake, but I hear it was quite depressing anyway.  I would be lying if I said I was all sad about missing it.  Interleague Play has not treated us terribly well so far this year and I’m more nervous than I should be, heading into the Bay Bridge Matchup.  Series loss to the Rangers, series loss to the Mariners and now a series loss to the Angels.  When this Giants team is good, it’s really, really good.  But when it’s bad?  It’s really, really bad.  Not that there were’t good things about last night’s game and the past few series’ in general – Vogelsong did pretty much the best he could have, three runs over seven innings – but otherwise, they just seem off, for lack of a better word.  Everyone’s healthy, but not everyone’s good.

Also, the Angels of Anaheim are doing better than they should be.  It helps that the Rangers are 9-1 in their last 10, but the Angels are also 7-3 and exactly five games back.  Too close for comfort?  Yes.

The Giants meanwhile, are 4-6 in their last 10, but that’s exactly the same as the Dodgers, so nothing is too disastrous after all.  San Francisco is four games back from first place and heading into a series against the A’s who, while they might be hot right now, are sure to cool off sometime.  And starting tomorrow is sure to be “sometime”.

Am I not the best inspirational speaker in the history of the Giants blogosphere?  (Admittedly short history, but still.)

Go Red So– aah.  No.  This city is not getting to me.

Diamond Girl

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Why I’m Going to Be Getting a Bad Case of the East Coast Bias

First, a public service announcement. I am heading off to the East Coast tomorrow for ten days and may or may not be blogging. As previously discussed, WiFi seems to be a commodity on the other side of the nation so we shall see. In any case, you can bet on your life that I will spend an WiFi time huddled around my iPod, checking the Giants score and any San Fran gossip I can get my hands on, on Twitter. I shall not disappear entirely, although if I catch a case of the famed East Coast Bias (high likelihood, guys) you may wish I had disappeared entirely.

Either way, I am going to Fenway – by all means, die of jealousy – and will share all my pictures when I get home. Assuming I get home. And am not eaten by cannibals. (Distinct possibility.) ‘K? ‘K. Now that that’s out of the way…

The Giants kicked off the World Series rematch and, um, has anyone else noticed that we play the AL West a lot a lot in the World Series? Or maybe my East Coast Bias hasn’t kicked in yet and I’m deluding myself. But seriously, every Interleague series this year is a World Series rematch aside from the Mariners who, no offense to them ‘cause I’m sure they’re fantastic guys, don’t count. Anyway, Cain was far from perfect last night but the team came together to squeeze out a win by a final of 5-3. The bullpen was absolutely stellar and even the Orwellian attendants at Angels Stadium could not bring them down. There was some nice circumstantial hitting – yes, I just said circumstantial hitting, shoot me now – from a variety of fabulous Giants.

I have to get going for the dreaded packing before I settle in for tonight’s game, but before I do, I’d like to send out thoughts and prayers to the Angels pitcher Jerome Williams, who is in the hospital right now after experiencing breathing difficulty following last night’s game. There are few things more frightening than breathing difficulty and I hope that Jerome has a full and speedy recovery.

Now let’s go Zito! There are few pitchers who need to be beat right now more than CJ Wilson, says the San Francisco Rangers fan. Either way, this matchup of them quirky lefties should be a lot of fun.

Diamond Girl

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