Tag Archives: albert pujols

The Drama, The Drama!

When Sabean made the Cabrera/J-Sanch/Person I’ve Never Heard Of trade so early on, he robbed the offseason of a bit of its possible drama.  But never fear!  There is more (possible) drama to come!

  • Maybe Andres Torres will jump around Puerto Rico, shirtless with his jeans rolled up, because that totally worked last year and, you know, built up his muscles and all that.

   

  • Maybe Barry Zito will come to a profound realization that the reason he had a bad season was that he’s not just having fun out there (ah!  That must be it!  Makes sense!) and he will not attempt to have fun.  Sssh, no one clue him into the fact that trying hard to have fun sort of ruins it.

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  • Maybe Brandon Belt will make a trip to Starbucks for a Frapp and in the 10 minutes he’s there (nobody ever said Starbucks service is fast), get called up and sent down 15 times.

  • Maybe Albert Pujols will walk over to San Fran with a sign around his neck like, “Big Bat to the Rescue!  Sign moi and I will save the world!”

  • Maybe Wilson will… you know… that… no?  Forget I said anything.

Okay, enough “maybe”s to feed the American army.  And enough drama to fuel the high school in the Princess Diaries for another good twenty books or so.

Diamond Girl

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The Cardinals Haunt My Dreams (No, Really)

I had a bad dream last night.  My mom (sorry, Mom) was convinced that my family needed more pets than just my fish (who, for the record, I did not end up re-naming Carlos) and wanted us to get two birds.  I wasn’t crazy about the idea, but fine.

What kind of birds do you want to get, I asked?

Cardinals, she answered, with a kind of evil glint in her eyes.

Cute and cuddly pet?  Uh, no.

I woke up and wondered if I had somehow made it all up, because it seemed way to perfectly symbolic for my feelings at the moment to be true.  I mean, I did somehow make it up, seeing as it was my dream, but it was completely unconscious.  Which is what makes it basically very weird with a capital W at the beginning.

Anyhow, last night’s game was certainly nightmare worthy and truly painful to watch.  There are a million ways to second guess the team’s choices (read: Napoli at first base), but in reality it was just a plain ole’ blowout.  They happen.  Horribly timed, yes.  Unheard of, no.  I would like to believe it was just a fluke, too, but I am starting to have a nasty feeling that the Rangers of one of Those Teams, that has trouble in the World Series.   I hope they will prove me wrong tonight and in the next three games after that, but we shall have to see.  In any case, I am sure I speak for everyone when I say that mostly, I just want to see good baseball out there, no matter who wins or loses.  Last night was not good baseball.

Except for, well, Albert.  Tip of the beloved white beanie to him for his amazing trio of home runs.  It couldn’t have happened to a better guy, other than his Cardinal-ness.

Speaking of Cardinals… let’s just nip the whole giving-Emily-nightmares-thing right in the bud, shall we?  Please and thank you.

Diamond Girl

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In 5 Minutes: What’s Trending on Day 5 of Spring Training 2011

*I bought my first tickets for the 2011 season yesterday.  Way beyond excited.

*Another day, another piece of not entirely positive news about Joe Martinez.

*If you use melted chocolate instead of a cocoa powder in your hot chocolate you eliminate the possibility of grounds at the bottom.  (Diamond Girl with Useful Advice strikes again!)

*This video made me giddily excited.  It’s one thing to miss baseball in the offseason but it’s quite another to see it at your fingertips.  Zito and Lincecum doing bullpen sessions together is one of the greatest things ever.

*I know it’s Day 5.  I know it’s Day 5.  But every mention of little injuries freaks me out.  Stay healthy, brothers.  Stay healthy.  I am not prone to being panicky, but in this situation…

*Brian Wilson stated that the beard may not last the season.  I started writing an obituary for it.

*The Albert Pujols saga has progressed to the We Are So Puzzled We Are Not Even Going There stage.

*The Michael Young saga went there a long time ago.

And there you have it.  Day 5 in 5 minutes.  Who knew a sleepy Friday in February could be that exciting?

Diamond Girl

p.s.  I ventured out into the rain to see Justin Bieber in 3D because virality is one of my passions in life (seriously).  All I could think the whole time is, “Is Scooter Braun [his manager] related to Ryan?”  And, you know, “Why is Justin trying to poke my eye out?”  I am with Roger Ebert on the whole 3D thing.

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5 Cooler Cars for Brian Wilson and an Over-Under on Michael Young

There are so many things I could write about today.  The fact that AJ Burnett is either delusional or his therapist told him to repeat positive affirmations to anyone and everyone.  The fact that the World Class Good Guy seems to be morphing into a World Class Bad Guy before our very eyes.  The fact that Mat Latos is on a bizarre anti-SF rampage.  And then the whole, “is Aaron Rowand mad?” thing (although no one except me seems that fascinated by that).  What I actually want to write about is the thing that made me wonder if there was indeed a minimum age to be in the Majors.  Apparently, they let pre-adolescents in.  Or at least, people with very preadolescent senses of humor.

Andrew Baggerly of the San Jose Mercury News (who, by the way, is killing all the other writers with his coverage of Spring Training) reports that Brian Wilson’s new ride is a fully decked out police cruiser.  With a loudspeaker.  On which he announces his arrival in the morning with, “I’m heeeere!”

If I gave my little brother a toy police cruiser for his birthday, yes, he might do that.  But that is no excuse for Brian.  My brother is 20-odd years younger than him.  That’s not what they mean when they say, “unlock the child within you”.  At least I hope it isn’t.

If he thinks the Obamas having a water dog is not cool, then I would like to say that driving a police cruiser is, um, not cool either.  Just saying.  Don’t want to get arrested.  Don’t want to get arrested.  Don’t want to get put in Bad Fan Prison.  But that is not cool.

So, of course, I made him a list of 5 cooler cars.  If you are slightly or very puzzled by this and the last paragraph, watch this quick episode of Life of Brian.

5.  Ferrari.  I don’t actually get the obsession with Ferrari’s and that they’re everybody’s dream car.  Except for the name.  I melt for Italian names.  (My father just alerted me that his parents had several Ferraris, which I was not previously aware of.  I know about the Emilio Pucci dresses and the Chanel boots they have passed down, but, until now, nothing about the hip cars.)

4.  Prius.  This is the cool of the future.  ::Joe Martinez yells, “The car from the Ghost Writer!”  I ignore::  Set the trends, Willy!

3.  A Chrysler.  I am being a shameless ad sucker here, but I am still into that Superbowl Chrysler ad.

2.  An old school VW bus.  You know, the kind Timmy wanted.  They may not think that’s cool down in Hollywood but it’s way cool up here.

1.  And Joe said that coolest one of all.  The car from The Ghost Writer.  I have referenced this before, here.  That beautiful car has an intelligent GPS that will lead you to the murder spot of your predecessor at work.  If that isn’t cool, what is?

There.  No one can accuse me of not giving useful advice now.  I just got you your baseball news and a list of cool cars, lumped into one.

I am calling grocery stores all over the Bay Area trying to find one that stocks mass amounts of popcorn.  This Michael Young saga may last a long time.  I still have my Team Jon shirt, but I’ve run out of popcorn.  Over or under, 40 days and 40 nights?  ‘Cause I need to know so I can stock up.

Diamond Girl

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500 Facts to Brighten Your Blue Monday

No, you misread the title.  It said 5 facts to brighten your Blue Monday.

Not that my Monday needs any brightening.  But I just read that today is something called Blue Monday- a day called by “scientists” the most depressing day of the year.  Reading that was the most depressing thing that’s happened to me all day, honestly, but I figure some of you might need brightening.  So.  5 Facts to Brighten Your Blue Monday.

5.  Josh Hamilton left the hospital today, after being there for five days with pneumonia.  Wishing him a smooth rest-of-recovery.

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4.   Albert Pujols will not leave the Cardinals.  If we repeat that enough times, it will totally come true.  Join hands.  Positive affirmations only.

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3.  Moneyball comes out in 249 days.  I am still not sold on the whole Brad Pitt thing but I am, evidently, counting the days ’til it comes out.

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2.  And since we’re doing the whole countdown thing here, it’s 73 days until the Ultimate Day, a.k.a. Opening Day.  And I’ll let you in on a little secret.  I just realized the home opener is on a special day for me.  No, I’m not getting married or moving to the set of Lord of the Rings.  Nothing like that.  It’s a, you know, recurring special day.  I will reveal more to my obviously riveted audience later.

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1.  The Giants won the World Series.  Say it out loud, for good measure.  I know it’s become sort of common knowledge now, but it does serve to remember it.

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And here’s to a less depressing tomorrow.  ::clinks orange juice glasses::

Diamond Girl

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