‘Member this, guys?  “Pigs have flown, in Boston, Massachusetts.”

Day kind of went downhill from there culminating with a horrible haircut (apparently every salon in the Bay Area is in on some “give Emily bangs even when she says she doesn’t want them!” kick because, seriously, this is the second time in a row and I went to a different salon this time).  I am now nursing aforementioned horrible haircut and listening to The Shins, just because.  Virtual hugs, as always, appreciated.

Onwards!  (No crying in baseball, as they say.  Not that I was crying over this.  For long.)  Lincecum’s outing against the Diamondbacks last night was encouraging, although there were still issues, for sure.  He pitched seven innings and allowed two runs, one earned.  Ironically, perhaps, it was one of his better outings this year, but he got the loss all the same and the game ended at a final of 4-1.  Arizona salvaged one game of the series and the Brewers did a tidy job down in Los Angeles, so San Francisco remains 5.5 out of first place.

Too early for scoreboard watching, you say?  Never, I say.  I scoreboard watch pretty religiously all year long because watching the trends go up and down is fascinating, for me, at least.  I also like to skim the magazine Elevator World when I get my hands on it, so my perception of fascinating might be a little bit off.  Point is, things for the Giants could be better, but they also could be worse.

Pablo’s return to the lineup is nearing (this is where my grin returns) and the Giants did take two out of three from Arizona, which is a serious improvement from recent history against the Diamondbacks.  The 20 games in 20 days stretch is over at long last and I think we are all enjoying an off day.  Aside from, you know, the haircut fiasco.

Also… just saw that Yu Darvish is facing C.J. Wilson in Anaheim on Saturday.  This should be an interesting one.  *sharpens knives*

Diamond Girl

10.  Write 50,000 words in a month.   Seriously, if he can get 50 hits in a month?  NaNoWriMo would be cake for him.  Plus, there’s a serious lack of good baseball-related fiction out there.  He could forge the path.

9.  Bake 50 batches of garlic fries in 50 minutes.  Totally.

8.  Have a 50.00 ERA.  To those of you who were thinking we should turn him into a pitcher, ‘cause he’s so good.  I mean, he is so good but it’s probably better to leave him hitting.

7.  Go back 50 years.  Melky Time Machine Guy?  Doesn’t seem at all out of the realm of possibility.  Not to mention, Saturday’s game against the Cubbies is Turn Back the Century Game.  They’re going back 100 years, but that’s a multiple of 50 so I’m guessing Melky was involved.

6.  Take down 50 seagulls with one swoop of the hand.  Not advocating animal cruelty.  Just advocating giving the seagulls a great enough scare that they’d stay at bay (no pun intended) for a while.

5.  End 50 wars.  With one, perfectly-timed high kick.  I can picture this.  That might be thanks to my vivid imagination or it might be because it’s completely plausible.  No comments, guys.

4.  Learn to build a basketball arena and a football stadium in 50 minutes.  They’re building the new Warriors arena right nearby and the Niners stadium not too far away either, right?  Melky could pop in and help with the process in between innings.  I bet he’d be real good at it.

3.  Have a #50 hit on iTunes.  I kind of picture him doing sensitive indie rock.  Alternately, rap.

2.  Encourage expansion to 50 teams.  In MLB, that is.  And man the 20 new teams all on his own.  It could work.  Paging Bud Selig as I write.

1.  Get 50 hits in the month of May.  And thereby break Willy Mays’ record.

Once again, how did we get this lucky?  Pinching myself.  In between paging ol’ Selig.

Diamond Girl

Because I happened across a thing about the Circus Maximus in Ancient Rome – bear with me, there’s a point – and it said that in between the action, slaves would walk around and spray the spectators with perfume to ward off bad scents that are often present with large crowds.  Now aside from the fact that they were slaves and the Circus Maximus was populated with a variety of barbaric sports that tended to end in death, I was all, That is brilliant.

I think the Giants should do it.  They could have a poll on their website, “Which perfume do you want?” and then the winner would be sprayed between innings.  Some people are sensitive to perfumes, I know, so there could be a few sections where they don’t do it, just like there are peanut-free sections.

To, er, return to topic, Barry Zito, guys.  Seven hits and two runs over nearly eight innings.  I don’t even know what to say, except that I am genuinely amazed.  I also think it’s something of a testament to how he’s behaved for the duration of his contract with the Giants, up to this point, that the vast majority of people seem really happy for him.  He has conducted himself with grace and humility pretty much all of the time, aside from the endless “need to have fun comments” which we can forgive him for, and within the organization and the fandom, happiness seems to be the overwhelming sentiment.  That, in turn, makes me happy.  Can we have more feel-good stories, please?

I am also finding myself increasingly partial to Gregor Blanco also because, I mean, how could I not be?  He is loads of fun.  So is beating AZ.  Beating AZ is pretty much the best feel-good thing in the world, especially after feeling like they dominated San Francisco for a while there in everything.  Don’t look now, but I think the tide is turning.

Also, the word is that Barry Bonds may be coming back to the Giants at some point as a hitting instructor.  I am excited about this, if only because then I can reintroduce this shirt.  Oh yes.

Diamond Girl

I read that Melky was the star of the show for today’s final game in Miami, which the Giants captured by a final of 3-2. That guy is a one man team, for reals. I don’t generally work up the motivation to vote for the All Star Game until the last day or close to it, but I am feeling quite motivated at the moment. Because Melky is that smashing.

I decided to see if I could find a good GIF of Melky and I stumbled across this one on CBS Sports. It made me smile and I watched it, oh, one million times so I figured I should share the love. Grin. Be glad there is only one – scratch that, two – balk obsessed umps on the seven continents. I mean, I haven’t exactly scoured Antarctica or anything, so that’s just a guess. But probably a safe one.

Also! Thoughts go out to my Favorite Ranger Other Than Yu ‘Cause He’s Yu (not you). I’m talking about Alexi Ogando, who’s day-to-day with a bruised right hand. X-rays were negative, so he should be raring to go soon. In the meantime, send virtual blueberry muffins his way.

Diamond Girl

p.s. Hear about this guy who hit a homer by basically hurling his bat at the ball? Interesting new technique. They should introduce Handless Home Run Derby to the ceremonies in July.

The past two days have not been very much fun at all.  The red-hot bats have kind of gotten lost in a forest with a cannibalistic witch who likes eating offense – hey, no raining on my poeticism – and yesterday stung especially, at least to me, because it was (you guessed it!) a Timmy start.  Lincecum is 2-5 with a 6.41 ERA over ten starts this season.  Just like the rest of this year, he was struck by the curse of the One Horribly Nasty Inning yesterday and it’s a shame, because otherwise, he was doing quite nicely.  Some argue that’s Bochy call, to take him out before he melts down, but I don’t really think that’s an answer.  Putting a table cloth over a messy table doesn’t do any good, as they once remarked in my childhood favorite book Ballet Shoes.  For whatever reason, that quote decided to pop up in my head in relation to Lincecum.  I will choose not to comment.

But it wasn’t until Andrew Baggarly’s story for CSNBayArea.com today that I started to get seriously melancholy about all this.  You can read the full story here.  Here’s an excerpt:

He [Lincecum] said he honestly cares about what the fans think and he doesn’t want to let them down. He doesn’t want them to reach the point where they expect him to fail or to boo him off the mound. Even after all he’s accomplished in his career, he isn’t taking any fan support for granted. “I don’t want them to start to hate me,” he said.

My first thought was, “C’mon, are we really that fickle?”  My second thought:  “Okay, yes.  Maybe we are.”  Honestly, my overall like/dislike of a player generally has very little to do with how well they are playing at the moment.  Career and, hey, personality play a big roll.  But in terms of baseball-related frustration?  That one can come on awful fast, for sure.  You don’t usually hear a player come out and say what Timmy said but it’s an interesting quote, I think, maybe for that reason.  In another part of the article, Lincecum remarks that “he knows he’s close and there are as many good signs as bad ones. He has to focus on the good ones.”  To the fans, I think, it certainly does seem that way.

So let’s join hands and be non-bashing, mellow-ish people for the final day in Miami tomorrow and onwards from that, okay?  I mean, we’re allowed to bash the new Marlins stadium and stuff.  Just not Timmy… to his face.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  In the interest of reader feedback, feel free to comment and tell me you would have preferred me just imbedding the marlins and the trout video.  I won’t be offended.  Or at least I will pretend, through a barrage of internet smilies, not to be.  Hugs.

The pitching matchup for tonight!

Am I thousand years behind everyone else in noticing this?  Alternately, seeing as there are a thousand and one 55s in MLB, does nobody else care?  Tonight is a big game, of course, because every Lincecum start is a chance at redemption and what better way to lead into redemption than that 12-7 win last night?  (Correction:  Thanks to tweeter @jeni_2782 for pointing out that the final was actually 14-7.  Say what?  I’m telling you, I can’t keep track of a team that actually scores runs.)  I am not used to those crooked numbers, not used to them at all.  I mean, for a little bit there, I felt like I was watching the Rangers.  Then I remembered that the Rangers have a cool General Manager who broadcasts a few innings of his team’s games on the radio and things and the Giants have Brian Sabean.  Talk about a reminder of what’s what.  That was kind of a sad moment but still, I enjoyed the game.

The Marlins stadium still weirds me out but, hey, if nightclubs are kind of their thing, who am I to criticize?  I am setting my wedding date with Kate Spade New York as I write.  Besides, that tidbit about the club section being so loud they couldn’t hear the phone in the bullpen is seriously priceless.  Remember when Tony La Russa suggested smoke signals because there was a big miscommunication between the bullpen and the dugout?   I thought it was a fantastic idea.  The Marlins might consider it too, just as long as they can figure out how to create teal smoke.  I have complete faith on that front.

The internet knows what I’m talking about.

Let’s also just talk Melky Cabrera for a moment, before I go.  That guy, guys.  He is the best thing to happen to San Francisco since Joe Martinez or something.  (No sarcasm there, I am terribly partial to Joe Martinez.  Never mind the stats.)  I admit to being perpetually puzzled by the Melk Men thing – I think it’s before my time maybe… don’t judge but I kind of get my milk at a grocery store – but with due love to J-Sanch, the Giants got the best part of that trade.   The best, the best.  Observe:

Tiene Leche, as the Yankees used to say.  Maybe we’re not cursed after all?

Diamond Girl

In other news, I am embarrassed to admit that I am rather partial to the fish tank at the Miami Marlins new stadium.  Although knowing my fish, who is the most antisocial creature I have ever come across in my life, I can’t imagine the fishies are all that good company at the ballgame.

Also worth noting:  yesterday’s starter for the Brewers, Marco Estrada, has been placed on the Disabled List today, following an injury against the Giants in the first inning when he hurt his leg, running out a 2-run double.  I don’t have any stats to back this up but he must be, oh, the five millionth player to head to the DL after facing the Giants.  A lot of people have discussed the Giants being cursed this year — something about handing over their souls to win the 2010 World Series — but if we’re really talking curses?  Talk to the myriad of guys San Francisco has injured, in some way or other.  I am sure they would be happy to spill, through their full body casts or whatever.

Said with no glee whatsoever.  Injures are terrible, whether or not it’s the opposing team or even a player I detest.  But it is a trend worth raising an eyebrow and poking one’s voodoo dolls about, perhaps.

Vogelstrong or, as I like to call him, Baby Lemur, is on the mound tonight.  I think I have a good feeling about this.  (To be removed from post promptly after game if the Giants lose.  Feel free to screen-grab for posterity in the meantime.)

If you get past the fact that there is no resemblance, isn’t there totally a resemblance?

Diamond Girl

You are a fun phenomenon that we get here on the West Coast.  You are probably preferable to whatever East Coasters get – staying up until the wee hours of the morning for California games, I suppose.  But with great power comes great responsibility, you know that, right?  (Semi) singlehandedly you are able to either make or ruin a day.

See, if you come on at 10:10am, there’s a certain element of being catalytic in a person’s day.  Call me dramatic, but I firmly believe this be true.  Point is, starting out with a six run inning?

That is not acceptable.  I get that Barry Zito is allergic to Miller Park or whatever and it’s unethical to keep the roof half open, half closed (cooee, Bud Selig!) but those are not really excuses, when you factor in that you also ruined my coffee and distracted me from all of the things I kindasortareally should have been doing.  8-5 final is better than I was expecting, but it’s still not, well, good.

The game fell apart in a lot of ways, you know, not only Zito.  Case in point:  only two of the six runs scored off of him were earned.  He didn’t look good, by any stretch of the imagination, but the defense was also something akin to abysmal.  Additionally, no one can hit with RISP, so then there’s that.  But I’m not blaming you for that part.  Really, I’m not.  I get that you are basically innocent in this situation.  Just, you know, venting ‘cause we’re buddies and stuff, right?

Yeah.  You get it.

The Giants are off to Miami now, to face Ozzie Guillen’s Marlins for Memorial Day Weekend.  You’re off the hook until the next 10:10am game on Sunday.  We part as friends, then, darling morning games?  Until I find a way to eliminate you?  Might include some elimination of time zones but I’m always down for a challenge.

Make that, usually down for a challenge.  Dealing with Barry Zito melting like an ice cream cone in the sun is not in my job description.  I knew this photo would come in handy again, somehow.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  My actual inspirational jazz for the day?  As they always say, if a team wins each series they play, even without sweeping, that’s pretty darn good.  Nasty final games in a series that is already won are forgettable, thankfully.  Excuse me while I prepare the Kool-Aid.

It was an up-and-down one, kicking off with a Buster Posey three-run shot in the first inning and then a whole bunch of triples and things.  Apparently, even when the Brewers sacrilegiously open the roof against Ryan Braun’s wishes, there is pop in Milwaukee.  Braun himself, actually, launched a homer in the eighth to tie the game up and then promptly gave what might be my favorite quote of the year.  It’s only May, so Jon Daniels and Michael Young still have a while to catfight in public and give awesome quotes, but for now?  It’s this one, from MLB.com:

Braun graciously praised Bumgarner.

“He was good, man,” Braun said. “He’s been one of the best pitchers, I think, in the National League since he’s been in the big leagues. His cutter was really on tonight. It’s his best pitch, and when he’s throwing it well, he’s definitely pretty tough to get runs against.”

That’s like when Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are in a movie together and all of the screaming fans have seizures from the combination of the two Taylor’s on screen together.  Never mind the wacky analogy, but you know what I mean.  Braun graciously praising Bumgarner is that scale of epic-combo.  Probably higher scale, actually, but I don’t want to the Taylor fans to descend and murder me.

Anyway!  It was Hector Sanchez, of stealing Chris Stewart and Eli Whiteside’s jobs’ fame, who eventually hit the game-winning homer in the 14^th and gave the Gigantes the win.  He is rapidly growing on me.  In other news, since when do the catchers hit loads for this team?  Not looking a gift horse in the mouth, but it’s kind of taking me a little time to get used to.

In other Bay Area sports news, the Warriors announced they will be moving to a new arena in San Francisco from Oakland in 2017.  Which is great for them, aside from the unfortunate little detail about the world ending in December 2012.  Then again, if the world does not end, they could always get the pop-up arena from London after the Olympics.  Either way, new arena?  Not necessary, guys.  Not necessary at all.

Diamond Girl

Which is all to say, I was glad the Giants won this series and acquitted their side of the bay rather nicely and are now back on the light side of .500.  Confession, though:  I was relieved to see that Josh Reddick got that homer in the final game, if the Giants were the going to lose it anyway.  On Friday night, he smashed himself in the back of the head with his bat after striking out and I’ve been kind of worried for him all weekend.  Presumably a homer will dissuade him from smashing himself in the head for a while?  Because I would sleep much better at night knowing that.  Baseball’s fantastic but it’s not all that, Josh.  Okay?  Okay.  Now that that’s settled!

The unfortunate part of the series, of course, was the last game.  (Aside from the Reddick longball, as previously discussed.)  Because although the club looked all around much better in the first two games, Lincecum had The Curse of the One Horribly Nasty Inning and that pretty much blew the game open.  “What’s wrong with Timmy?” doesn’t cut it at this point.  He claims he needs to become more arrogant and while I applaud the sentiment – who doesn’t want to become arrogant?  I sure do. – I have to admit, I’m not one hundred percent what that has to do with The Curse of the One Horribly Nasty Inning.  I might try the voodoo store in Berkeley, if I were him.  Then again, if I were him, I would also have gotten that haircut a cool five thousand years before he did.  Evidently, I am not him.  If I can become more arrogant and pitch better, I do not object in the slightest.  In the meantime, I am glad to have Madison on the mound in Milwaukee tonight.  Can he bat clean-up, Bochy et al.?  Pretty please?

In other (old) news, Bob Davidson of balkin’ fame was suspended a game for his lack of social skills.  Er, bad “situation handling”.  He apparently did not peace out and check out my ump-themed tote as I advised him a while back.  I do still wonder if he likes rom-coms or action flicks, but I will probably never know.  Ah, well.  Onwards to more pressing things, like…

Beat Mil-Wah, guys!  Just don’t, you know, beat Ryan Braun.  If you can help it.

Diamond Girl