I am an unabashed lover of the dollar store. Because the dollar store is pretty much the greatest thing since the doughnut store next door. That’s right, there’s a doughnut store next to the dollar store. I rest my case.
Anyhow, I’m telling you this because I was there a few weeks ago and there was this plastic flamingo balloon thing and in that moment I was absolutely positive it was going to change my life, plus it was a dollar (mostly that), so obviously I bought it. Also obviously: I regretted it the second I got it out the door. It’s one of those things you can’t ever get rid of, though. Like, I’ve tried. I’ve stashed it away where I think I’ll never have to see it again, but it just keeps resurfacing. And I can’t be bothered to just throw it away, so the flamingo is here to stay, I think. I’ve named it Stephanie.
This is the actual flamingo. Thanks, internet. I’ll forgive you for the time when you hated me and wouldn’t load pages, by which I mean every day. Actually, I don’t forgive you.
I’m telling you that because it’s kind of a powerful analogy that I’d like to use for the fact that I haven’t voted for the All Star Game in about four years, with one notable exception. (Which I will get to later.) But I just can’t bring myself to angle away from my Twitter/pretty exceptional Spotify playlists/enough What To Wear and What Not To Wear Article to Paper All the Walls of My Theoretical Mansion in Malibu and get to voting.
That’s not quite it. I could probably drag myself away from those riveting things mentioned above if I cared about voting, but I don’t. I don’t much like the All Star Game and I’m never sure who to vote for so I sometimes write in Joe Martinez and Eugenio Velez and Dave Grohl, because really, what baseball needs is an celebrity All Star Game, like the NBA has. I mean, Jack White is totally closer material.
So that’s why I don’t vote, I guess? But I do like that by being a Giants fan I get the reputation of being a ballot-stuffer. It’s kind of like being really badass by association, no leather jacket or motorcycle needed.
p.s. Oh yes! The story about the time I did vote. It was when Yu Darvish was up for the final vote. I think I voted 75 times, or whatever the maximum is. Because I love Yu. I also might have been really bored or hyped on coffee that day? I can’t remember. I also can’t remember if he ended up winning that and I’m too lazy to reach for the Google, so I’ll just live with the mystery.