Category Archives: Dailies

Little Leaguers Snazzy Defense and a Freaky Friday Baseball Movie Proposal. And Another Kind of Proposal.

Did NBC just link to my blog as a “do this, not that” for proposing to Ryan Braun? Oh yes. http://offthebench.nbcsports.com/2011/04/25/brewers-fan-flashes-her-phone-number-on-national-tv-somehow-this-backfires-video/related.  I am sort of super hyper/super excited right now and I think I should be on Good Morning America as an expert  or something.  Just too bad that I had approximately 0 hours of sleep + strange hair in the photo, if that is going to be my claim to fame.

Anyhow.  My blood pressure is lowering and I’m am now recollecting that I was at a Little League game a few hours ago and my brother’s coaches always seem to pin him as a closer.  It was a save situation today that got even closer before we finally won.  The phrase, “Rays Baseball: Torture!” comes to mind.

This team does have some pretty snazzy defense, though, and they are so much easier on the eyes when it comes to that than the Giants.  Okay.  Wow.  I just got the greatest idea for a movie:  It’s like Freaky Friday except it’s 12 Little Leaguers who get transported into the bodies on MLBers and vice versa.  That would so great.  And in this case, I think the Giants would do better with these little guys playin’ for them.  That is © 2011, by the way.  If you are a Hollywood big shot (getting carried away, am I?) and you want to make this, you gotta ask me and put a Meet Hayden Christensen clause in the contract.

The song quote that is stubbornly stuck in my head today is “you can go anywhere you wish/’cause I’ll be there, wherever you are” (from Technicolor Phase) and so I’m trying to overcome my groupie tendencies and not follow the Giants to PNC Park.  Even though I’ve always wanted to go there.  Tell me this is a bad idea.  Thanks.

Aaaand that’s a wrap on my disjointed thoughts on an off day.  Sweet dreams.

Diamond Girl

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Diamonds! Piles of Gold! Armani Suits! Swiss Watches! Hawaii Vacations!

Dear Bullpen,

Look.  As much as I don’t like you, Wilson, I don’t like being under .500 even more.  I didn’t want you to blow that.  And as much as I like you, Affeldt, I like being over .500 more.  Okay, that’s not true.  I care more about people than baseball games, but right this second I am pretty darn put off by you guys.  I am of the opinion that there is no excuse for losing in extra innings at home.  You have that unique and perfect advantage of walking off and it was your responsibility to keep this in the bag.

It was too good to be true that Sanchez was at all passable after being on IVs with dehydration from the flu yesterday and the game was actually somewhat encouraging, offense-wise.  Still, you are here (::points to the ground::) and you really, really need to be here (::points to the ceiling::).  Edlefsen, Kroon, heck, Joey?  Where are you guys? 

Maybe you need a little encouragement.  Here goes.  I have some really awesome rewards for you (Diamonds!  Piles of gold!  Armani suits!  Swiss watches!  Hawaii Vacations!) and I’ll do my best infomercial imitation voice when I give ‘em to you, but there is one little catch aside from the fact that you’ll go bankrupt from the taxes, we’ll send you spam for this and four more lifetimes, the diamonds are fake and we’re flying you luggage class.  Other than that.  You have to pitch well.  You can’t walk people.  And you really can’t let the ball go from your hand to over the fence in a space of, oh, 20 seconds.  That is too big a change in too short a time for the health of anyone’s heart.

I get that you’re trying.  Really, I do.  If the incitement of the prizes doesn’t help, I can also recommend  inspirational music and shaving off the beards.  We’ve barely cracked the surface of my advice cauldron.  Giving advice is right up there with walking on the beach in a storm and eating brownies in my life.  But I’d rather if you straightened this out on your own.

We’re moving on to Pittsburg/DC/New York, all of whom are in the near/at/under .500 club.  With us.  Gulp.  A bunny (me) somewhere in the heartland is crying.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Read this gem of a news piece.  Just read it.

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Pressure Points That Relieve Headaches For World Series Winning Teams To Play Better At Home

Freak Season2.PNG

I got my contest prize yesterday, which is this beautiful photo book, “Freak Season”.  It has some fascinating little moments and I definitely recommend it to people who are Tim Lincecum fans (though no one is as big as me.  I am the ultimate Tim Lincecum fan.)  Yesterday was a good day.  Today?  Not so much.

 

Reasons today was depressing:

 

·         The Giants were on Fox.

I try not to be one of those endless complainers about national media but the broadcasters today made me want to pluck my eyeballs out with forks.  Not literally.

 

·         The Giants lost.

Dismally.  In the fog.

 

·         Pat Burrell attempted to run.

I never thought I would feel badly for him, but today I ever so slightly did.  It was painful to watch him run.  And what is with his eyebrows?  If someone doesn’t want to do anything with their eyebrows, I won’t pick on them.  But his look done.  Just bizarrely.

 

·         Tim Lincecum attempted to pitch.

And failed.

 

·         Tim Hudson pitched.

And succeeded brilliantly.  I have a little Big 3 nostalgia for him, but not when he’s blowing my Giants away.  Without even huffing and puffing.  Profoundly effortless, on his part.

 

·         The offense attempted to hit.

And failed.

 

·         Neftali Feliz was placed on the disabled list.

With right shoulder inflammation.  The club said that it’s sort of precautionary, since he’s so young.  My fingers are solidly crossed that that is true.

 

·         MLB has a new ad featuring Brian Wilson’s beard that is seriously nauseating.  

May I just say that epic is not always a compliment?  As in, epic can be an adverb, paired with words such as, “ridiculous”, “hideous” and/or “plain stupid”.  On KNBR the other day, they had the topic “Who’s your favorite Giant?” and I was floored by the lack of Brian Wilson responses.  I thought I was the odd one out in being sick of the act.  I don’t  think so.  He needs some serious image consultation.

 

There was some comic relief, though.  Like the girl with the “Marry Me, Ryan Braun” sign.  I don’t feel like I’m on high enough ground to pick on her, but at least my sign was a non-committal statement and it sure didn’t have my phone number.  My ground is at least a few inches higher, right?

 

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And I guess it’s sort of good news that the Giants are going on a 10 game roadtrip after tomorrow, because they seem better on the road, though their record is just about even.  I mean, I would be too, if there were crazy people with smeared eye-black and orange chest paint yelling strange cheers at 100 decibels.  Which is why I want Meditation Day at the ballpark and I would be a bad baseball player because I would choke when delivering the “the fans were so loud, it was amazing” line.  Although maybe they mean amazing in a bad way…?  Because otherwise I don’t get it.  I wonder if they are given a handbook after they win the World Series about pressure points that relieve headaches.  That could be useful.  For the players and the fans, actually.  I’m going to try acupressure next time I’m there.

 

Diamond Girl

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Ryan Braun And His Gucci Model Hair And The Rangers Are Plunging Into Darkness (Not Really)

Ryan Braun is endlessly funny.  He’s the guy who can arrive late to his own press conference with hair more befitting of one of those ridiculously tan male models in Gucci ads than a ballplayer and still absolutely rock it.  He can also open a restaurant called Ryan Braun’s Graffito and actually date a model, all with a straight face.  Takes talent.  Must have something to with his Southern California roots.  I am admittedly clueless about people from down there.  They are aliens, around here.

You need two angles on that ‘do, right?

I mean, I carried an I Love U Ryan Braun sign to a game last September and tolerated the snickers and smirks of all the warming up Brewers pitchers for close to an hour.

 

I Love U, Ryan Braun.jpg

I do not have a vine tattooed on my hand/arm, for the record.  That’s henna.

I like (love?) the guy.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly disappointed to hear about his extension.  I am holding out hope that he’ll fall so in love with the City By the Bay that he’ll waive his no-trade clause and come here.  But it’s getting more unlikely by the second.  Really, I have a lot of respect for players who want to spend their whole career on one team especially when they are obviously winning-crazy like Ryan and on an iffy club.  I wish him all the best and I will be there to see him in San Fran this summer.  I may or may not resurrect the sign.

Meanwhile, the Giants were off yesterday.  Which was good because my head was feeling dangerously close to splitting open.  The Rangers plunging into darkness (caution: that is a dramatized description, not real) and Braun’s years and years of millions and millions were good distractions for my mental health.

The Rangers run lately is more of a gentle nosedive than a plunging-into-darkness-dive, really.  They are in second place now, .5 games behind the Angels of Anaheim, going into a series against Kansas City who are also currently in second place.  That should be an interesting series.  If I drink enough evening orange juice, I may be able to stay awake and watch it on Gameday.  Gameday puts me to sleep, in case you weren’t aware.

It’s April 22nd and we’re closing in on the end of Month 1 of baseball season.  So far, so good.  For me.  I apologize if you are a Boston/Minnesota/Seattle/New York/Houston/San Diego fan.  Losing teams are fun too, right?  Right.  Encouraging statement of the day.

Diamond Girl

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The Bullpen Drank Too Many Espressos and The Dodgers Will No Longer Be Paying People Six Figures to Channel Positive Energy

Let’s be real: winning this series in Colorado is better than anyone had expected, me included.  10-2 hurts, but finishing the roadtrip 4-2 makes it a little better.  Today’s game was also somewhat overshadowed by Sandoval’s injury, the moment when we thought Buster was injured and, of course, Brandon Belt’s birthday present.  He’s heading to Chuck E. Cheese Park (am I the only one who calls it that?  For those of you who don’t know, it’s actually called Chuckchansi Park.).  I’m surprised and not entirely thrilled.  I guess that experiment is over?  But that begs the question, why did that experiment happen at all?

And the Dodgers news.  Selig wised up and intervened in a situation that has really spun out of control.  I mean, I was all for the mystical healer/scientist and the positive energy thing.  You think they would pay me six figures to do that?  I bet I would make a great guru, even if I’m not much of a scientist and I am way closer than Russia.

 

But I think it’s time for the McCourts to find a nice hole to crawl into and hang out with rabbits in waistcoats.  Or something.  I wish them all the best, but there are only 30 clubs in Major League Baseball and there are a lot of people who could make the Dodgers- who aren’t a small market team, or anything- succeed to some extent.  It just isn’t fair to the city of Los Angeles and their Uggs and their beachballs and their hopefully fake tans.  Time for some Selig magic.  Why have I spent so much of this season being nice to the Dodgers?  I am too softhearted for my own fandom good.

Back to the Giants.  Though they only scored two runs today, the first inning run struck again.  I love first inning runs/leads before we even take the mound almost as much as I hate blown saves so that made me happy.  Cain didn’t have a whole lot today and the bullpen was, ahem, shaky.  Tired.  Like they either missed their morning coffee or drank too many espressos.  Can’t decide which.

 

I am actually feeling awfully confident now, which is weird after such a blowout loss.  The Braves are under .500 plus the boys in orange and black are coming back to drizzly San Fran so I think all will be right in the world.  As I said, I am huge into positive energy. 

Now if you’ll excuse me… there are Little League games to be attended and my silver and gold bangles are hitting the computer every time I type so if I don’t stop writing soon there may be irrevocable damage.  Ruined laptops are just the price you pay to look good, right?

Diamond Girl

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