Monthly Archives: April 2013

The Completely True and Previously Untold Story of Matt Kemp

Matt Kemp doesn’t like people to know this, but he was a total hippie, man.  He was actually there during the Summer of Love in 1967.  Pictures or it didn’t happen?

Matt Kemp Summer of Love

It happened.

He even starred in a cool psychedelic poster a couple years later after they, uh, invented color photography.

Make Love Not War

Probably the only hippie ever to wear a bowtie.  He also wasn’t exactly a longhair, but don’t judge a book by its cover.

Anyhows, after the 60s were over he wised up and George Lucas helped him into this carbon-freeze technology that he was testing Star Wars, so Matt’s youth was preserved for his great comeback to humanity as a baseball player and boyfriend to pop stars everywhere in 2003.

There you have it.  The completely true and previously untold story of Matt Kemp.

Diamond Girl

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The Rockies Series and Things

San Francisco woke up this morning (it is not a city that never sleeps, see) and decided to have the most picture perfect weather imaginable, so it couldn’t have been a more glorious day for the final game of the first Giants-Rockies series of the season.  From the box scores of this one, it looked like it was played at Coors Field, but it was right here in the Bay.  The Giants swept the Rockies, pulling through a rough Lincecum start yesterday and hitting up a storm behind a very good Zito start today to win 10-0.

Speaking of Zito… er, what happened?  Zito’s story with the Giants has truly been a bizarre one up to this point, but right now, there are few people the orange and black fans love more than him.  His tale of redemption is not a classic one, but it’s been ridiculously fun to follow all the same.

When the fall comes – and it’s bound to, if only for a short time – I just hope we all use our brains and give him the benefit of the doubt.  He’s earned it.

Also, I credit all of this to the golden calf tattoo, even though I’m pretty sure he got that this offseason after the whole #RallyZito hullabaloo.  It was preemptively helping him, you know?

The series didn’t feel like the second week in April, it had the feeling of summer, and the way so many players on the team kicked into gear during it was exciting to watch.  As I said before, I hate the whole talk of “slow starts” because, seriously, it just started.  But it has started now and everyone seems to be waking up.  A very good series, overall.

Okay.  Done with summer now.  Where’s that fog?

Diamond Girl

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Potential Last Post Ever, Plus Why I Wouldn’t Let Bruce Bochy Design My Bath Rug

I know I’m in the minority here, but I feel I need to say it: I think World Series rings are ugly.  The whole idea is perfectly nice and I understand the symbolic importance and the ceremony was lovely… but the actual rings are pretty much the tackiest kind of jewelry Snooki and Sears could have dreamed up.  It’ s like what they sell at Claire’s, except the target demographic is not pre-teen girls who like earrings with watermelons (WATERMELONS, peope) on them and they’re, um, covered in diamonds.  So presumably they have a slightly higher retail value.  Still, terribly ugly, if you ask me.

Let me put it this way: I would not let Bruce Bochy go near the design ideas for my bath rug, as much adoration as I have for him.  He helped design the rings.  Go figure.

Anyhow, I’ll stop sticking my foot in my mouth now.  The game was on the ugly side, too.  I think the Cardinals were probably pretty sick and tired of all the ceremonies and they channeled it into their baseball-ing.  They shelled Cain for nine runs in the fourth inning and ended up winning 14-3.  In a bright moment, Angel Pagan did hit a booming triple but he was left stranded, which kind of took away from the boomingness.

I’ve heard talks about a few people’s slow starts, but I think it’s really still too early to call them slow starts.  Like, slow first five seconds would maybe be more appropriate?

I was sitting outside in my garden today and suddenly looked up to see a cat sitting about ten feet away and staring straight at me, completely still.  I assume this means I’m destined for an imminent and terrible death, so if I don’t blog again, hugs and kisses, you guys were great.

Diamond Girl

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On Grapeseed Oil and Olive Garden

So, look.  I’ve never been Olive Garden.  I’m maybe just a little bit (a little bit?) snobby about food, although I don’t eat samples at the little gourmet stands in the grocery store anymore because of a sort of unfortunate incident with this lady who explained why grapeseed oil is so much better than olive oil so I was like, okay, I’ll taste it.  And it came in this strange little ramekin with grapeseed oil and bread and… a piece of paper.  I just ignored the piece of paper, but apparently that’ s not how it’s done?

I learned this the hard way.

Anyway, the point of this is just to say that I understand the wrong end of food snobbery.  I’ve experienced it.  Been scarred by it, even.  So while all the San Franciscans went crazy when the baby giraffe guy said his favorite restaurant is Olive Garden I sort of thought, eh, whatever.

Since then, my feelings have changed.

Brandon Belt and Olive Garden

Olive Garden sounds magical and I am not being sarcastic when I say that.  I’m kinda sorta extremely tempted to go there because I’m picturing unicorns – maybe it’s Zeets’ favorite restaurant too! – and enchanted forests and food that will make your dreams come true and things like that.

Or maybe I read too much terrible teen fiction?

Happy home opener, everyone!

Diamond Girl

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And All Was Right in the Universe

Yu Darvish is a magical being and he pitched a very nearly perfect game last night, perfect up to two outs in the ninth against the Houston Astros.  Much has been made of the fact that they are, well, the Houston Astros, but I don’t think we should let that lessen the achievement of getting that close to a perfect game: it’s pretty special, no matter who you’re facing.

“Yu has better hair this spring,” said Rangers pitching coach Mike Maddux.  (In fairness, he didn’t say this after the near-perfect game.  But I will never let that quote die.)

The really exciting part about all of this, to me, is that this was Darvish’s first start of the season.  We get to watch Darvish for a whole entire year!  This is just the beginning.  This is what he was like when he was fatigued, because of a short Spring Training.  There are a lot of reasons to be excited about this guy.

Plus we get to watch Alexi Ogando, who started today and struck out 10 before coming out of the game in the seventh.  This Rangers rotation is making this upcoming season look pretty peachy, from this really teeny sample size of games.

Speaking of rotations… er, Madison Bumgarner.  Need I really say more?  He’s still ridiculously good, in case there was any doubt about that.  He led the Giants to their first win of the season last night and he did it in rather spectacular fashion.  Joaquin Arias drove in the Giants first run of the season – don’t say you saw that coming, you didn’t – which was good, because it means we don’t have to write off this season just yet.  (Probably still going to finish in last place though.  I mean, we’re at .500.  Pretty dire, people.)

Tim Lincecum starts tonight in the final game of this series and I think it’s one we’ll all be watching intently.  Lincecum is driving a turquoise Mini Cooper while in LA and also this is his first start of the regular season after all the rockiness last year, so it should be interesting, no matter what happens.   Let’s just be positive until we have reason not to be, m’kay?  He’s Tim Lincecum.  He’s probably earned a bit of benefit of the doubt.  Still, cream colored Minis are where it’s at.

mini cooper

Look how pretty and chic.

Diamond Girl

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