During the 2010 season, I baked a lot of cupcakes. A lot, a lot. I pretty much had cupcakes coming out of my ears during that year. At the time, I told myself it was about the baking. Looking back now at my fragile psychological state, I realize it was never about the cupcakes. (The first step is admitting you have a problem, y’know.) It was about the Torture with a Capital T. See, when I get nervous and frazzled, I bake. Tons. Tons.
Which is why I’m feeling a strange sense of déjà vu as I stare at the red velvet cupcake recipe printed and sitting next to me on my desk. I tell myself that I am longing for red velvet cupcakes, but it’s also worth noting that the Giants are starting off a key, six-game roadtrip later this afternoon against the Braves. And yeah, I’m nervous. And yeah, I’m baking.
Can I just talk out my fears? You don’t mind, do you?
a) Barry Zito will melt. He’s been known to go all ice-cream-cone-in the-sun-on-us. This is not irrational.
b) We’ll, like, get no-hit. These things happen. And Buster Posey’s entire extended family/every person he’s ever met in his life will probably be there, because they always are when the Giants hit Atlanta. That would be embarrassing, guys.
c) My red velvet cupcakes will taste like vinegar. All the recipes I’ve looked at have cider vinegar in them. I’m told cider vinegar is sweeter than normal vinegar, but I can’t get the theoretical taste of a cupcake with Balsamic vinegar out of my head. Speaking of embarrassing.
d) The beautiful round number of 2.0 games ahead of the Dodgers will shrink.
e) Jonathan Sanchez, in a jealous rage after being DFA’d by the Royals, will get out his Magic Leather Jacket and place a curse on the Giants so they can never wear chic clothes again and, somewhat less importantly, lose.
f) Hector Sanchez, seeing they are away and there is no chance at a walk-off, will decide to go 0’fer. Just because.
Whew. That feels better. Thanks for listening. You guys are the best. Must go make cupcake frosting now. xoxo.