Seriously, that was the title of my note in my notes app – because seriously, who writes notes without a notes app anymore? – because I love draft week so much that it is somewhat irrational, as I have previously explained.
First, a few notes on the show itself. The Bud Selig portions kind of grated on my nerves. If he had addressed some of my concerns, such as why the heck are there two game series’? Or, why the heck isn’t there Intergalactic Play? Or, Why do the Giants nev-ah have off days? Or, Are you secretly the mastermind behind the TSA? ‘Cause I already know you are. Yeah. He didn’t address any of that. I had my best frowny face on whenever he took the podium, which was kinda sorta extremely often.
The first player who caught my attention was Kevin Gausman who went to the Orioles, 4th overall. He’s a right-handed pitcher out of LSU and… he eats four powdered doughnuts between each inning when he’s pitching. Not terribly strong in the math department, but if he were to pitch a complete game, wouldn’t that be, um, 36 powdered doughnuts? I will not question. He was drafted 4th overall. He obviously knows what he’s doing. But might I suggest he move from doughnuts to brownies? Brownies are far more delicious, in my humble opinion.
In all of the draft previews I looked at, Albert Almora stood out to me as my absolutely favorite. He’s 18 years old, an outfielder with a swing that is near identical to Ryan Braun (need I really say more?) and I had this irrational hope that he’d still be around when the Giants picked at #20 overall. No such luck. Apparently Theo and Jed and I all have the same taste in players, because he went to the Cubbies, sixth overall. I hereby renew my prediction that Chicago will win a World Series in under five years.
The A’s went ahead and picked a high-school kid for the first time since the Bronze Age and he’s a shortstop named Addison Russell. Most embarrassing song on his iTunes? Mean, by Taylor Swift. Billy Beane: I do not mean to question your wisdom, but… I totally do. (I kid, I kid. He looks pretty spectacular, in reality.)
According to tradition, a shout-out also has to go out to Stephen Piscotty who went 36th to the Cards as a compensation pick for Pujols. He’s an engineering major from Stanford the only guy in the whole entire draft who was wearing a suit in his headshot. Future fashion icon right there, guys. And you heard it here first.
Courtney Hawkins, who went 13th to the White Sox, won the Best Draft Moment, hands down, with a backflip on live TV. I sincerely can’t wait until he makes it to the Major Leagues because I have an inkling he will be loads of fun to watch. I was terrified as he backflipped, but in retrospect? Brilliance. If baseball falls through, he can just become a full time internet sensation.
Joe Torre kicked off the compensation round and his “now on the clock” is infinitesimally better than Selig’s. If I can’t be the new commish, can he, please? He’s a veritable teddy bear, now that he’s not managing the Yanks or Dodgers anymore. I have rapidly growing adoration for him.
If you’ve gotten to this point because all you really want to read about is the Giants pick, then you’ve finally gotten to the right place. They took a right-handed pitcher out of Mississippi State named Chris Stratton. I haven’t been able to get a terrible amount of info about him, so for now I’ll just welcome him to the Giants and say that, really, SF is not as beastly cold and foggy as they. We have, like, one sunny day a year and it’s glorious!
I leave you with this MLB Network jewel…
Harold Reynolds: If you look at his statistics, he’s just not quite there yet. [on newly drafted player]
Other Analyst Whose Name I Don’t Know: Well, obviously, clubs don’t draft based on stats.
Harold Reynolds: *stony stare*
Me: Er, what do they draft based on then, Einstein?
p.s. *cough* What is an “upside guy”? *cough*