How did we get this lucky? 10 50s that Melky Cabera would rock:
10. Write 50,000 words in a month. Seriously, if he can get 50 hits in a month? NaNoWriMo would be cake for him. Plus, there’s a serious lack of good baseball-related fiction out there. He could forge the path.
9. Bake 50 batches of garlic fries in 50 minutes. Totally.
8. Have a 50.00 ERA. To those of you who were thinking we should turn him into a pitcher, ‘cause he’s so good. I mean, he is so good but it’s probably better to leave him hitting.
7. Go back 50 years. Melky Time Machine Guy? Doesn’t seem at all out of the realm of possibility. Not to mention, Saturday’s game against the Cubbies is Turn Back the Century Game. They’re going back 100 years, but that’s a multiple of 50 so I’m guessing Melky was involved.
6. Take down 50 seagulls with one swoop of the hand. Not advocating animal cruelty. Just advocating giving the seagulls a great enough scare that they’d stay at bay (no pun intended) for a while.
5. End 50 wars. With one, perfectly-timed high kick. I can picture this. That might be thanks to my vivid imagination or it might be because it’s completely plausible. No comments, guys.
4. Learn to build a basketball arena and a football stadium in 50 minutes. They’re building the new Warriors arena right nearby and the Niners stadium not too far away either, right? Melky could pop in and help with the process in between innings. I bet he’d be real good at it.
3. Have a #50 hit on iTunes. I kind of picture him doing sensitive indie rock. Alternately, rap.
2. Encourage expansion to 50 teams. In MLB, that is. And man the 20 new teams all on his own. It could work. Paging Bud Selig as I write.
1. Get 50 hits in the month of May. And thereby break Willy Mays’ record.
Once again, how did we get this lucky? Pinching myself. In between paging ol’ Selig.