10 Reasons I Hate the Terrible Twos

I am not talking the nastiness that children take on at that age.  I am talking the terrible twos as in the hideousness we call a two game series, because we have two of them coming up in San Francisco.  Why, why, why?  Before I head off to watch a Little League game and miss the beginning of this one, I offer you 10 Reasons I Hate the Terrible Twos:

10.  The series can tie.  I’m not a terribly completive person… okay fine.  I kindasorta am.  The thought of tying a series is somewhat nauseating to me.

9.   Just when I start to get used to a team being in town (because it does take me a little while) and figure out all the new guys in the lineup, boom.  They’re on a plane to Tahiti.  Or Kansas.  Or something.

8.  If Carlos Beltran misses one game due to a “barking knee” – whatever the heck that means or boy, am I glad we did not sign the guy with the barking knee because I like to sleep and I live within fifteen miles of San Francisco so I might, you know, hear it at night – that means he may only play one game here.  Granted, slightly circumstantial reason, but still.

7.  It’s not the baseball way, guys.  Shall I play the nostalgia card?  Oh yes, I shall.

6.  The factual inaccuracies on my blog skyrocket.  Observe:  I blog about Game 3 and hit “Publish” before I have time to remember, right, there is no game 3.  Readers snicker at me and promptly stop being readers of this blog.   I go to my lawyers because I want to sue MLB for all of this, but my lawyers tell me my case is weak.  Crushed, I go get a job at a fast food restaurant and spend the rest of my life opening frozen French fry packages.  All because of two game series.

5.  A fairy dies every time there is a two game series.  Seriously.  (Not seriously seriously.  Just seriously.)

4.  On the contrary, an angel gets its wings every time MLB contemplates a two game series, but decides against it.  Incentives, incentives.

3.  No, really, it’s not the baseball way.  Nostalgia is an important tool.  Martin Lindstrom agrees with me.  Or maybe I agree with Martin Lindstrom.  I mean, which came first: the egg or the chicken?

2.  We don’t get to really know how we match up against them September-hot Rockies and them defending World Champs.  Granted, at the end of the two game set, I may be thankful for that.  But since we try to be optimistic over here, I am just going to assume the opposite.  ‘K?  ‘K.

1.  My fish gives me the suspicious eyebrow every time I update him on the Giants and there’s a two game series in the future.  I might be projecting or something, seeing as fish don’t really have eyebrows, but I still think MLB should take this under consideration.

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Diamond Girl

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