I am not talking the nastiness that children take on at that age. I am talking the terrible twos as in the hideousness we call a two game series, because we have two of them coming up in San Francisco. Why, why, why? Before I head off to watch a Little League game and miss the beginning of this one, I offer you 10 Reasons I Hate the Terrible Twos:
10. The series can tie. I’m not a terribly completive person… okay fine. I kindasorta am. The thought of tying a series is somewhat nauseating to me.
9. Just when I start to get used to a team being in town (because it does take me a little while) and figure out all the new guys in the lineup, boom. They’re on a plane to Tahiti. Or Kansas. Or something.
8. If Carlos Beltran misses one game due to a “barking knee” – whatever the heck that means or boy, am I glad we did not sign the guy with the barking knee because I like to sleep and I live within fifteen miles of San Francisco so I might, you know, hear it at night – that means he may only play one game here. Granted, slightly circumstantial reason, but still.
7. It’s not the baseball way, guys. Shall I play the nostalgia card? Oh yes, I shall.
6. The factual inaccuracies on my blog skyrocket. Observe: I blog about Game 3 and hit “Publish” before I have time to remember, right, there is no game 3. Readers snicker at me and promptly stop being readers of this blog. I go to my lawyers because I want to sue MLB for all of this, but my lawyers tell me my case is weak. Crushed, I go get a job at a fast food restaurant and spend the rest of my life opening frozen French fry packages. All because of two game series.
5. A fairy dies every time there is a two game series. Seriously. (Not seriously seriously. Just seriously.)
4. On the contrary, an angel gets its wings every time MLB contemplates a two game series, but decides against it. Incentives, incentives.
3. No, really, it’s not the baseball way. Nostalgia is an important tool. Martin Lindstrom agrees with me. Or maybe I agree with Martin Lindstrom. I mean, which came first: the egg or the chicken?
2. We don’t get to really know how we match up against them September-hot Rockies and them defending World Champs. Granted, at the end of the two game set, I may be thankful for that. But since we try to be optimistic over here, I am just going to assume the opposite. ‘K? ‘K.
1. My fish gives me the suspicious eyebrow every time I update him on the Giants and there’s a two game series in the future. I might be projecting or something, seeing as fish don’t really have eyebrows, but I still think MLB should take this under consideration.