If my life plan goes according to schedule. What is my life plan, you ask? Let me fill you in. I will have:
- Graduated from my Ivy League uni of choice, summa cum laude
- Met Mr. Right who has a surprising resemblance to the theoretical child of Sean Bean/Ewan McGregor/Michael Fassbender
- Gotten large (large) diamond ring from aforementioned Mr. Right. Hey, this blog is called Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. Need I really say more?
- Won an Academy Award for strange acting performance in strange indie film
- Won a Pulitzer for amazing reporting skills on Watergate 2.0
- Won a Newberry Award for my heartwrenching novel skills
- Win a Nobel Peace Prize for… TBD
- Had a super-dramatic photo of my fish featured on the cover of Time
- Had my futuristic yet trendy designs shown at New York Fashion Week
- Been at the Olympics for something at some point
- Met Will and Kate. ‘Nuff said.
- Switched places with Kate for the day, if only for that fantastic Alexander McQueen wardrobe
- Probably met Sean Bean/Ewan McGregor/Michael Fassbender and professed my undying love for them (this is not required, but hoped for)
- Gone the moon and made footprints there and stuff
- Found a cure to cancer
Whew! I have a busy seven years ahead of me. But this is all just to put a little context on the amount on time in the new Madison Bumgarner contract (which is actually five years, with options for the last two). I love Bumgarner, but that’s still a long long time. Brian Sabean, you understand the magnitude of what you have undertaken, right? Okay. Good.
p.s. For the record, I am a hipster blogger with no life plan. Do not take any of that seriously. Thanks, darlings.