My Garden Gnome Phobia Explained

I have to tell you, I don’t usually consider myself to be a shallow person (except when you dangle D&G sunglasses under my nose, but that’s a different story) but there’s been one rather shallow thing that has been bothering me all spring.  See, I should be worried about Brian Wilson’s kinda-sorta injury.  Or Freddy Sanchez non-existent progress.  But what am I worrying about instead?  A giveaway.  That the Giants are doing this year.  In my defense, they post about it c-o-n-s-t-a-n-t-l-y on their Facebook page.  This kind of thing leads to nervous breakdowns, people.  I see stuff about the antagonistic giveaway every time I log in to go stalk someone who I might maybe know from something.

Which giveaway am I talking about, you might ask?

The insert-player-name-here gnome giveaway, I would answer (through strongly clenched teeth).

You might still ask what I am talking about, if you live under a rock/do not like the Giants page on Facebook.  So for that minority of the population, I will provide explanatory photos.  Here you go, People Who Live Under a Rock:

Pablo Sandoval on the left, Brian Wilson on the right.  In case you find them unrecognizable, like I do.

They’re giving away the Pablo Sandoval one in September and the Wilson one in May, if my memory serves me correctly.  Which is may or may not.  The point is, I do not like this one bit.  I saw Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulain (commonly known as simply Amélie) at a young and impressionable age and what really stuck with me from it was the whole garden gnome thing.  It even has a Wikipedia article.  It might have been a sweet element in the film, I honestly don’t remember.  But it struck me as incredibly, unshakably creepy.  I have never gotten over that.

Don’t you think the Giants should be doing a little more research to be sure that their mega-fans don’t have phobias of things they plan to give away?  And also that it falls below 100% on the Creep-O Meter?

For those of you who want to know why this made such an impression on me, the scene about the garden gnomes is on YouTube.  I’m too scared to watch it, so if a weird laughing cat appears in the middle or something, blame YouTube, not me.

Diamond Girl


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