How I Imagine a Marlins/Reyes Meeting Would Go Down

Miami, Florida.  Wednesday, November 9th, 2011 around noon.  Traditional Florida things like crocodiles and alligators or whatever are in the vicinity, poking their noses into the scene.

Jose Reyes walks up and shakes hands with team president, David Samson, owner, Jeffrey Loria and GM, Michael Hill.  Reyes is wearing some jeans that droop ever so slightly and are distressed, ever so slightly.  Aviator sunglasses and a punk(ish) t-shirt complete the über-hip look.

Samson, Loria and Hill are in slightly (slightly?) less hip outfits.  Men’s Warehouse type suits, that is.

Samson:  Jose!  Great to see you.

Loria:  Yes, definitely, Mr. Reyes.  (He emphasizes the last word and shoots a death-stare to Samson.)

Hill (interjects):   How was your flight?

Reyes (yawns):  Oh, alright.  Thanks, guys.

(At this point there is a long, somewhat awkward silence.)

Samson:  So, Jose!  Would you like to see the new stadium maybe?  Have a bite to eat?

Jose (finally actually looks at him and then all of them)Where are your suits from?


Hill:  Um, I don’t remember where I bought it.  Why do you ask?

Jose:  I am positive that I saw that suit at Men’s Warehouse.  Are you kidding me?  Is this a joke?  You expect me to sign with a team so cheap that they buy their suits at Men’s Warehouse?

Samson (triumphantly):  How would you know it was at Men’s Warehouse?  You couldn’t know that unless you shopped there yourself!  (Shoots a look to Loria which is all, I just got in a major line for you.  Loria has an stunning impassive face on.)

Reyes (glares):  Whatever, dudes. 

Loria:  In fact, our payroll is going up a lot in the coming year, Mr. Reyes.  We are hardly cheap.

Hill:  Indeed!  We’re going to making a lot of positive acquisitions to make this team a serious contender.

Reyes (pondering):  Florida Marlins… serious contender…

Loria:  Miami Marlins, you mean.  Miami Marlins.

Reyes (puzzled):  Whatever, dudes.

Samson:  Well, then.  Want some of our amazing new cuisine we’ll be offering at the new stadium?   Some caviar, maybe?

Reyes (puts up hand, warningly):  Sorry, no can do.  I’m on a new, nutritionist recommended diet, so I only eat one food group per day.  Fish day is Sunday.  Sorry.

Loria:  What food is it today?

Reyes:  Wednesday is… I forgot… (pulls out white iPhone and scrolls for a bit.  At last-)  Oh.  You know, it was nice meeting with you guys.  If you want to make an offer to my agent, you can, but I really gotta get going. 

Loria:  We have so many awesome amenities, not to mention our new logo an—

(He stops, because Reyes has sauntered off, with his patented Baseball Player Stride.  The three men stand there in silence for a bit, and then Samson leaves, bent on getting a new suit and putting a clause in his contract that makes sure he will never have to meet with a player again.)

Diamond Girl

p.s.  If you head over and like my Facebook page (link on your right) I can promise you a lifetime supply of Chinese food to your doorstep, every night, around 7.  If you’re an early diner, you’re out of luck.  Or if you move, because it’ll keep going to the same address.  What a gift to bequeath to the next owner of your house, though!  So you should go like it now.  Xoxo and all that.

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