Monthly Archives: October 2011

Why I’m (Sort Of) Having Fainting Spells


This was me when I woke up this morning:


Because, I mean, the Rangers lost Game 1 of the World Series and we are also edging dangerously close to 2012, when *looks around suspiciously and then whispers* the world might end.  It was a depressing feeling.  There was also the fact that MLB has announced their bringing back the Fan Cave for 2012, which can only be called a headdesk move.  And another sure sign that the world is ending next year.  Yeah.

Then I started scrolling through tweets and… this was me after I saw a certain tweet.

Why the sudden change of mood (and hair color and clothes), you ask?

I heard The News about the Cubbies.  That Epstein is probably going, which is fine, but then I heard that Jed Hoyer is going too.  Too!  Also!  They’re going to be together!

You know that scene in Cyrano De Bergerac (the 1990 one, with Gérard Depardieu) where Roxanne keeps fainting over and over again because she is so overwhelmed by the letters Christian sends her?  That was me.  Minus the fainting.  Just the overwhelmed part.

Because, in case this was a little known fact, I love Epstein and Hoyer.  I think they’re both basically brilliant and the idea of them working together is already making me visualize a Giants/Cubs 2013 NLCS.  Which San Francisco would win, of course, but it would still be awesome for Chicago.  And then maybe when the Giants are all sick of winning the Cubs can break their billy-goat curse or whatever.  In any case, I am really, really looking forward to watching them over the next few years.  This should be fun.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Tally of people who gave me strange looks when I wore my antlers around town before the game yesterday?

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This One Goes Out to People Who Are Not Interested in the World Series

Dear People Who Are Not Interested in the World Series,

Look, if you don’t want to be interested, that’s fine with me.  I have a bit of an unfortunate hipster thing going on (minus the fedora and Adele obsession, thankfully) so I like it when I’m going against the trends and all that.

But I think you’re missing out.  Seriously.  And there seem to be an awful lot of you, which is what worries me.  Why would you not be interested in a Cards/Rangers matchup?  I could list all the reasons it is going to be awesome and amazing and loads of fun, but I make too many lists on this blog, so I will spare you.

I just don’t understand.  If this has to do with the cities and prejudices against them, then graduate pre-school and talk to me then.  Sorry, did that sound terrible?  I’m just a wee bit frustrated.  The players are not from the city.  The management is not from the city.  Sometimes the owners aren’t even from the city.   All stadiums pretty much look the same, especially on TV, so what is this all about?

The Rangers are a really, really fun team to watch.  Everyone I’ve met who’s actually just watched them play baseball agrees with that.  I have less experience with the Cardinals, but as far as I know they’re pretty darn fun as well.  Teams and cities seem to come with so much baggage and that people would skip a World Series on that account makes me sad.  Say it’s just a team you think is dull.  The Series can still be fun!  It’s like the Academy Awards.  Sure, there are lame years, but it’s still the biggest award show in the film industry.  Why not give it a peek and see how it goes?   And I don’t even think that this is a lame year at all.

So could y’all throw the prejudices out the window and enjoy these last seven or so games of baseball?  March is a long way off.

On a more pleasant note… Happy World Series Wednesday!  I am curling up with my bite-sized chapters of the Economics of Life, which are perfectly suited to the ad breaks and some trail mix and getting seriously stoked for this.

Diamond Girl


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The Only Place That They Make Dr Pepper According to its Original Formula Is Playing the Place That Actually Invented It In the World Series.

For any of my readers who are still undecided as to who to root for when the World Series kicks off tomorrow, I’ve created a handy list.  Mark your preferences as you go and at the end, tally it up and know your team!

One thing to the two states seem to agree on?  Square dancing.  They both have it as their official state dance.

The Lone Star State vs. The Home of the Blues

The only place in the world that they make Dr Pepper according to its original formula vs. the place they actually invented it

Monarch Butterflies vs. Honey Bees

Friendship vs. The Welfare of the People

The first suspension bridge in the history of the US vs. the tallest recorded person in medical history

A cattle population of nearly 16 million vs. the largest beer producing plant in the nation

A name that means “Friends/Allies” vs. one that means “Town of Large Canoes”

The invention of domed stadiums vs. the invention of the ice cream cone

Mockingbird vs. Bluebird

The place they made the largest oatmeal cake in the world vs. the place where they consume more barbeque sauce per capita than anywhere else

The world’s largest parking lot vs. Laura Ingalls Wilder

A place you can be legally married by introducing someone as your husband or wife three times vs. a place where bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws are illegal

And no, neither of those last two are corroborated.  I somehow doubt their validity in fact.  But hey, if they help you choose allegiances, what does it matter?

Diamond Girl

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7 Reasons Prince Should Stay in Milwaukee

Me and my big glass of orange juice and my soothing music are trying to get over the fact that a) I spent my morning at the loudest, most nausea inducing aquarium in the history of everything and b) that we are now in the first two days without a Major League baseball game since March.

Yeah, I’m experiencing some spasms and difficulty breathing.  Thanks for asking.

This is Withdrawal with a capital W at the beginning.

I’m also sad about the Brewers.

Because, of course, they were eliminated by the Cardinals last night and I will miss Brauny’s hair, but also because in the postgame presser, Prince basically said, “It’s been cool here in Milwaukee, but if I leave this offseason that’s cool too.”

What, Prince?!

I beg to differ.   It will not be the least bit cool if you leave this offeason.  Really.  A little part of me died when you said that.   I get that it’s business and all that and I would try not to begrudge it if you did, coughcough, leave, but… you just belong in Milwaukee.  7 Reasons Why:

7.  You look completely fab in Brewer Blue.

6.  Braun has (not-so-intelligently) locked himself up into a million years there, so if you leave, you guys will never bat back to back again.  And that is a heartbreaking thought.

5.  I promise chocolate cakes galore if you stay.  Are you really not tempted by that?

4.  Something good was just starting for the Crew.  Now is most definitely not the time to leave.

3.  Seriously, where else would you get to be on a team with a beer name? 

2.  I ask too many questions, so I’ll make this one a statement: Do. Not. Leave. Do. Not. Leave. *waves hypnotic object and gives crazy-doe-eyes to put him off*

1.   You are a quintessential Brewer.  Plain and simple.  And you know how I feel about quintessentials.  I hate it when they leave.  Humor me, m’kay?

Diamond Girl

p.s.  And while we’re at the whole me-giving-you-orders thing?  Please shave the Homeless Guy beard.  Thanks.


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It’s Time, 2.0! This One Goes Out to AJ Preller.

I am not trying to advertise a cheesy horror film or anything , but: g.o.o.s.e.b.u.m.p.s.  Seriously.

I totally felt a clinch in my bones when I woke up this morning so I spent the day in a mildly vegetable-like state, lying in various variations of beds (floor, couch, other bed etc.) and listening to some lame John Mayer stuff.  The idea was to not let myself get too worked up, because I knew I’d get plenty worked up tonight.

And it was all for naught.  I mean, the lazing was fun and all but then tonight’s game was actually not too stressful at all.  It was a veritable (okay, too big a word for a baseball blog, I know) RBI party, instead.

I love RBI parties.

Sorry, am I not making a whole lot of sense?  That probably has something to do with the fact that I am standing up and whooping and clapping my hands together in glee between every few words I write.  That does lead to some incoherent sentences, you know.

Anyhow!  The game just ruled for so many reasons, including, but not limited to the fact, that Michael Young was completely awesome and then glared at Jon Daniels on the podium and JD glared right back.  My brother claims I was imagining that, but I am quite positive I was not.  (I mean, remember this and this?)

The confetti was also utterly fabulous, too.  I have a weakness for confetti and when I started to fall, anything that was left of my, “I am a full-time Giants fan and am not getting too emotionally invested in this.” mantra vaporized into the brownie-tinged air.  Why brownies, you ask?  Well, it was National Desert Day yesterday and I couldn’t resist the opportunity.  That’s why.

The only thing that bothered me about the whole ceremony, though, was the lack of AJ-Preller-thanking.  I, personally, am something of a massive Preller fan and believe that Ogando was an MVP in this series, right up there with Cruz.  Ogando is, of course, a Preller-ism.  But no one said a word in all their copious thank you’s.  So AJ, if you’re out there?  I thank you very heartily.  And give you a hug and some of those brownies.

And hey, say what you will about Laura Bush but I got a couple good looks at her during the broadcast and I want her lipstick color.  Tim McCraver’s, though?  Not so much.  My best guess at the shade was Frosted Fuchsia.  Ick, FOX.  You should know better.   I present you this lipstick matching guide as a helpful tip.

It’s Time, 2.0, people.  I cannot wait for the World Series.  c.a.n.n.o.t.w.a.i.t.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  The Napoli chant rocks.  That is all.

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