Me and my big glass of orange juice and my soothing music are trying to get over the fact that a) I spent my morning at the loudest, most nausea inducing aquarium in the history of everything and b) that we are now in the first two days without a Major League baseball game since March.
Yeah, I’m experiencing some spasms and difficulty breathing. Thanks for asking.
This is Withdrawal with a capital W at the beginning.
I’m also sad about the Brewers.
Because, of course, they were eliminated by the Cardinals last night and I will miss Brauny’s hair, but also because in the postgame presser, Prince basically said, “It’s been cool here in Milwaukee, but if I leave this offseason that’s cool too.”
I beg to differ. It will not be the least bit cool if you leave this offeason. Really. A little part of me died when you said that. I get that it’s business and all that and I would try not to begrudge it if you did, coughcough, leave, but… you just belong in Milwaukee. 7 Reasons Why:
7. You look completely fab in Brewer Blue.
6. Braun has (not-so-intelligently) locked himself up into a million years there, so if you leave, you guys will never bat back to back again. And that is a heartbreaking thought.
5. I promise chocolate cakes galore if you stay. Are you really not tempted by that?
4. Something good was just starting for the Crew. Now is most definitely not the time to leave.
3. Seriously, where else would you get to be on a team with a beer name?
2. I ask too many questions, so I’ll make this one a statement: Do. Not. Leave. Do. Not. Leave. *waves hypnotic object and gives crazy-doe-eyes to put him off*
1. You are a quintessential Brewer. Plain and simple. And you know how I feel about quintessentials. I hate it when they leave. Humor me, m’kay?
p.s. And while we’re at the whole me-giving-you-orders thing? Please shave the Homeless Guy beard. Thanks.