Monthly Archives: August 2011

Play-By-Play of Last Night’s Game

I don’t think anyone wants to hear a play-by-play of last night’s game.  So I’m going to go a little alternative and give you a play by play of me during last night’s game.  Which, as it turns out, may not have been that dissimilar.

First Inning:  Turned up radio really loud.  Stoked for game.

Second Inning:  Significantly less stoked.  Turned radio down.

Third Inning: Fell soundly asleep.

Fourth Inning:  Woke up and ate pasta sadly.

Fifth Inning: Tore hair out.

Sixth Inning:  Whipped cream.

Seventh Inning:  Ate whipped cream.

Eight Inning: Drummed fingers.

Ninth Inning:  Cried eyes out.

After I was done crying my eyes out, I started smelling cinnamon apple cake everywhere which I took to mean that I was going insane from losses.  Tell me, Giants fans, are you experiencing delusions as well?

I’m trying to think of this as that terrible streak that is better to have in August than September and the Diamondbacks are not tearing it up and taking the division or anything, so there is a silver lining, however small. 

Mostly, now might be a prime moment for Sabean to whip of some waiver magic or just bring up the whole AAA team.  Something to shake things up.  Yep, I’m giving him a call.

Diamond Girl


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Train Wrecks and Conspiracy Theories and Jousting and Salty Popcorn

In a few sentences: There were three runs on thirteen hits. Beltran got hurt. Lincecum got hurt. I wore a coat and boots at the beach in August.

Now yes, that sounds like a bit of a train wreck, but take heart because it wasn’t! It was a win against the Phillies and a much needed one at that. And I like cold beaches. In case you were worrying.

We got two new Offense Saviors in the form of four hits from Kepp (whose name I’ve given up on trying to spell, he’s just Kepp from now on) and then there was Stewart with the RBI single in the fourth inning to put the Giants on the board. In case I’ve failed to mention it before, I love this guy to pieces. I really do. He is on my list of Top 3 Favorite Giants.

Another interesting fact? Lincecum is also now 5-0 in starts against Oswalt. While that’s nice, I’m have plenty of conspiracy theories about why they face each other so much. I need Ian from National Treasure to fund my investigation on the schedule makers. As long as he, eh, promises not to try and kill me.

And after the game, the good news came that Beltran is probably alright. And Timmy is made of rubber or elastic or something else totally invincible so of course he’s alright. (When I say “of course”, I am leaving aside my utter panic at hearing of him being hit by that bat. “Of course” in retrospect.)

The reality was that the game avoided the sweep but we’re still in a pretty awful stretch here. But winning streaks start with just one win and I am totally prepared to believe that the next series is going to be brighter on our end. Amazingly enough, the Giants are still ahead of Arizona (I feel like I say that a lot, somehow) and the schedule just gets easier from here on out for a while. Starting tonight, with the Pirates are on a 10 game losing streak. As much as I feel for the Pirates and the city of Pittsburgh right now my empathy for them seriously lessened when they traded Joe Martinez to the Indians for cash considerations. Whatever “cash considerations” actually means, I am fine with the Giants elongating that streak a little.

Now that they’ve gotten my blessing, I’m sure they’ll go with it. I need some salty popcorn and a whole lot of baby carrots to get me through this. Who wants to go the grocery store for me?

Diamond Girl

p.s. Baseball is a much better sport than jousting, in case there was any doubt about that. I watched A Knight’s Tale last night. And my doubt was eliminated.

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Settling the No. 5 Spot the Old-Fashioned Way

Can you jinx something if you were really, seriously, totally joking?

(I was when I predicted the sweep, in case that wasn’t clear.)

Anyhow, the Giants sure looked like they’ve been jinxed. I am a sort-of eternal optimist, but not only has the offense been snoozing with RISP, the pitching was more than a little shaky too yesterday. The Phillies are making life hard here in San Francisco.

Understandable, then, the real news from last night was the brawl. I mean, I’d rather talk about a brawl than a 9-2 loss too. I’m not usually into fights, but that one was kind of great to watch. Whiteside, for whatever reason, always struck me as really mellow. I was surprised by his involvement. And the Phillie who put him in a headlock. Good television. Unlike the rest of the game.

I think the big questions that came out of the game, though, are, Major funk? (to which the answer is: yes.) and is Jonathan Sanchez really a step up from Barry Zito? I can’t decide. They have a bigger investment (ahem, very big) in Barry but Sanchez is younger and has more potential. Plus the no-hitter, which earns anyone a few brownie points. It’ll obviously depend on Sanchez’s other starts before Zito is eligible to come off the disabled list, but the whole fight thing got me thinking: we should settle this the old-fashioned way. One-on-one combat.

No, not combat like that. No fighting involved. Like a cook-off. Or a sing-off. Or a design-clothing-off. Iron Chef, American Idol and Project Runway all wrapped into one, starring two San Francisco Giants. I bet the ratings would beat The Franchise by a mile.

Here’s how I’m imagining it would play out:

Round 1, Cooking:

Zito: Cooks lumpy looking omelette. B-

Sanchez: Heats up noodle soup in microwave. F

Round 2, Singing:

Zito: Sings Crash Into Me, Dave Matthews Band. Slightly painful. But playing of guitar slightly redeems performance. C

Sanchez: Sings the Giants win song. Gives a whole new meaning to painful but receives points for cute choice of music. D

Round 3, Designing Clothes

Zito: Designs an odd plastic-y yellow suit, somewhat resembling a raincoat. He says it’s high fashion and leaves it at that. C

Sanchez: Designs a cool looking street-punk-trendy outfit. B

If you put it that way, I think we have a clear winner in Barry Zito. Or if you’re more of a traditionalist, then maybe we could just do a pitch-BP-and-players-rate-who-does better thing?

This afternoon’s game is nationally televised and the Giants are now .5 a game ahead of Arizona. Deep breaths, people. Deep breaths.

Diamond Girl

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In Which I Go All J-Sanch and Predict a Sweep

The photo puts me in a ridiculously good mood.  I am going to go all J-Sanch now and say we are so going to sweep Philly.

Whether that has more to do with the above photo, these brilliant little interviews with Jon Daniels (I wasn’t imagaining the Jed-Jon rivalry!) and Ryan Braun (it’s true!  They asked him to be on The Bachelor!) on MLB Intentional Talk or the Giants real-live baseball skills, you can decide for yourself.

But I certainly am confident.  And confidence is key.  Even Willy Wonka knows that.

And now that I’ve given you enough video links to keep you going until the livestream of batting practice at 4:45 (who came up with that?  Sorry, but it’s way past boring.) I’ll just leave you with one message: may the force be with you.  And Jeremy.  And the World Series trophy.

Diamond Girl


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Who Are These People and What Have They Done With the San Francisco Giants?

No, really.  This is so shocking it isn’t, you know?  They’ve been so dismally lame the past few games that of course they come out in the series finale and score eight runs.

Whiteside didn’t participate in this particular party, but otherwise everyone hit.  And we denied Arizona the sweep, which was good.  They’re still only one game back, now, but one game is better than a tie.  And an 8-1 final is better than just about anything.

I actually missed most of the game because I was standing in line at 3rd street and Mission, aka the offices of Comcast SportsNet.  It was post-game BBQ day and since I missed it last year, I felt I was my moral duty to go.  Not to mention I am absolutely and utterly in love with panoramic cameras and couldn’t miss the opportunity to see one.

And how did the panoramic repay my affection?  By catching me and The Sister looking cynical and dour while Ashkon did his whole rapping (“Let’s go Giants” over and over and over”) thing.  The Niner cheerleaders walking around made me retract anything I may have said (cough, cough) about cheerleaders and baseball because, really, more is less with makeup.  Otherwise, they threw a nice postgame party.  If Ashkon promises to get some new rap lyrics, I will back next year.

And hopefully the Giants will be back next year (and tomorrow?) hitting like that.  Even in half.  Four runs would be totally good with me.  See?  I’m not as high-maintenance as I seem.

Diamond Girl


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