Monthly Archives: August 2011

Just You Wait, Gandalf is Going to Show Up Any Minute

Someone please tell me that I’ll look back on these days and laugh.  Thanks.  I appreciate that.

I mean, in a terrible way, I expected at some point people would start walking off against the Giants because, seriously, what goes around comes around!   (I did not just sing that loudly and out of key, in case you were wondering.)

Though in no terrible way did I expect the team to become maimed, smashed and twisted into strange shapes.  To this extent, at least.  This is just weird.

So here’s how I’m thinking about it:

The darkest point in the battle is right before Gandalf shows up and saves the day, right at dawn.


And at that point I will get a bumper sticker with this message:

Or maybe this one:

Diamond Girl

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If You Mash All the Injured Body Parts Together…

Current Giants injuries:

Carlos Beltran, wrist

Sergio Romo, elbow

Barry Zito, ankle

Andres Torres, calf

Pat Burrell, foot

Buster Posey, ankle

Freddy Sanchez, shoulder

Jeff Keppinger, wrist

Nate Schierholtz, foot

Aaron Rowand, intercostal muscle

Pablo Sandoval, foot

When I looked this list over, my thought was, If you put all those injured body parts together, you nearly have a full person!  Minus brain, of course, but I’d be happy to provide that.  And yes, this person would have three right feet, but so do people in Ancient Egyptian art!  I mean, I think they usually have two feet and they’re left feet, but you know what I mean.

Dan Runzler is up from AAA now and I have a sneaking suspicion that we’re going to see more minor leaguers up in the coming days.  I can’t decide what is a step up from the Injury Scaly Dragon, so I’ll just leave it at that.  There is nothing scarier than a dragon.

And by the way… despite my undying love of cinnamon roasted almonds at the ballpark, I’m boycotting Diamond Nuts because of their issues with slave labor in their supply chain.  Instead, I’ve bought some really awesome ones from Trader Joe’s.  So I’m asking everyone to BYO cinnamon roasted nuts to your stadium next time you go.  Okay?  Let’s do this!

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Then, of course, there’s Wilson and his bad back and his blown saves.  That blown save absolutely killed me.  The bullpen has always been a rock for the iffy offense and then when the iffy offense actually creates a lead, the bullpen goes and blows it.  Takes “tearing hair out” to a whole new level.  What if Runzler’s lights out and makes a pitch to be a legitimate interim closer while Wilson takes some DL time?  Just thinking out loud here.


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Why I Think AJ Preller is in Mongolia and Baby Giraffe Refers to a Viral Video of a Yawning Giraffe

I decided it was time to escape from the torture and I was missing my Texans terribly, so I snuck off to the O.Co Coliseum this morning and spent the day there.

It all started off very well, blow-out style, with the A’s walking in a run in the first and I was perfectly prepared to sit back and eat french fries that, yes, tasted a bit like gasoline. Then things got a li’l tense. Make that very tense. Eventually, the Rangers untied it in top of the 9th and after an iffy bottom, I went home with a heart rate slightly elevated and a 7-6 victory. They won and the Angels lost, which is the bottom line, but couldn’t they have just done it 10-0 or something, for this long-suffering San Fran’er?

I do have to the give the Rangers credit, though. They were the sweetest away team I’ve ever seen and I got an autograph from the former Best Hair in the MLB King, CJ Wilson (he might get that crown back, because now I’ve seen the hair up close) and their adorable pitching coach, Mike Maddux, the owner of a rather impressive mustache. Josh Hamilton also gave a bat away to a kid (the word is that he does that at every game) and signed for nearly 20 minutes, which is not exactly easy with the A’s dugouts. He was totally personable and nice to everyone. Love that guy.

The Maddux ‘Stache

I was secretly sneaking glances around, trying to spot AJ Preller (Rangers Senior Director, Player Personnel and former frat brother of Jon Daniels) but I figure he was probably on the Mongolian planes or something scouting around for awesome talent, not hanging in Oakland so I didn’t spot him. Better luck next time, when the appeal of throat singing has worn off, maybe.

Anyhow, I got home and saw a lot of things about a “Baby Giraffe”. At first I thought it was a viral video of a baby giraffe yawning or something (not irrational of me, there are loads) and then I realized that it actually had to do with one Brandon Belt. He, eh, hit two home runs. I don’t need to explain what that all means. Belt has been mismanaged this year no question, I think, but what’s done is done. I want to see way more out of him like that. The Giants are still very much in contention and if Brandon can help out with that, fabulous. I, for one, or maybe one million, am very glad he’s here. And glad to have a taken a series. (Taken a series! How foreign and fantastic that feels to type.)

And I finally got to test out a line I’ve waited a long time for. When the A’s mascot walked by, I was all, “Can somebody get this walking carpet out of my way?” Just, you know, channeling my inner Princess Leia.

Diamond Girl

p.s. When Alexi Ogando walked by, I nearly fainted. And when Mike Adams walked by? My mind screamed, “Giant killer!”. But my face just smiled politely, in case you were wondering.


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This Post Includes a Photo of a Real Live Passenger Pigeon from 1898

The year 1914 was filled with really important events, like World War I and Charlie Chaplin’s first big screen appearance, peppered with other- only arguably important- things like the creation of Mother’s Day and the last known passenger pigeon dying at the Cincinnati Zoo.  She was named Martha.

That’s Martha.  Or her cousin.  Or something.

Per Wikipedia, this all is.  I don’t, you know, remember that.

That year, the Phillies had a bit of dismal season, finishing at 74-80, 20.5 games out of first place.  The Boston Braves (Boston Braves?  What?  So. Weird.) won it all at 94-59, for whatever it’s worth.

Them Phills also had a streak of 19 solo home runs, one that no one was ever able to match, though I’m sure some teams have tried (lookin’ at you, Pirates and your 17 straight losing seasons).

That is, until tonight!  Pablo Sandoval did the honors with a first inning solo shot.  Now I don’t want him to get the wrong idea, seeing as I really do like it when he hits homers, but that is really, really, genuinely terrible.  I don’t think I’m overreacting here.  When I said snoozing with RISP in the past, I think I should have said dead with RISP.  Runners in any position!  Even if they’re on first base, that counts!  You know that, right, Giants?  Oh, you didn’t.   No wonder.  All is forgiven, then.  Get to it next game.  Please.  And thank you. 

And if you want to make some basically classless and totally snarky comments about the Marlins stadium, I actually wouldn’t mind that.  I mean, seems to be working for CJ. 

Diamond Girl

p.s.  It very literally (okay, not literally literally, but you know what I mean) breaks my heart to hear Cain saying “it was my fault”.  Six innings, two runs isn’t brilliance or anything but with any sort of offense that’s a totally fine outing.

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The Injury Big Bad Wolf Has Officially Graduated Into the Injury Scaly Dragon

On the 19th of July, I tweeted, “I think the Injury Bug has officially graduated into the Injury Big bad wolf.”  That was the day Freddy Sanchez was placed on the 60 day DL.

But if it was the Injury Big Bad Wolf then, it’s now the Injury Scaly Dragon now.


Within weeks of coming over to San Francisco, Beltran may be headed to the Disabled List with a freaky wrist (can’t blame this on one the blowdryer, unfortunately) and with it the Big Bat hopes of the Bay Area.  Was Beltran totally tearing it up?  No.  Was Beltran kinda-sorta tearing it up?   Not even.  But if he’s on the DL, then there’s no possibility of him tearing it up. 

I’m complaining about all this because it’s the easiest thing to complain about with the Giants right about now.  They’re maddening.  On Saturday they showed signs of brilliance again in a 6-0 victory, including Aubrey actually hitting the ball and Chris Stewart hitting his first big league homerun (allowing myself one squee here:  squueee!) but they were back to dismal yesterday with a 9-2 loss.  Forget anything I may have said in the past about the Pirates needing a big bat.

The whole story of the hypnotist helping Bochy and the rest of the Giants staff quit chewing tobacco was really sweet.  Maybe she could fly out here and help the Giants players… play?  Just thinking aloud here, people.  I would suggest a knight in shining armor to come out and slay afore mentioned Scaly Dragon, but I don’t know any offhand.

In lighter news, AJ Burnett is clueless about hair and the Giants are going to be in Florida tomorrow to play the Marlins who are 22 games out of first place and on a 7 game losing streak.

Do not mention injuries against the Marlins.  I repeat, do not mention injuries against the Marlins.  I repeat… you get the point.

Diamond Girl


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