An Email to Scott Hairston, The Giant Killer

Dear Scott,

I actually think we could get along.  You’re tight with Ian Kinsler, right?  I totally like him.  And you have a cute nickname.  And you’re good.  See, I don’t mind you being good.  Against other teams.  I don’t even mind the occasional hit off the Giants.  That wouldn’t jeopardize our relationship.  It’s just that you are, well, The Giant Killer.

In case you think I am exaggerating or being overly dramatic, check out this sentence from your Wikipedia article: “He has been particularly tough against the Giants, with 11 of his 58 career homers coming off San Francisco, as well as 23 RBI, by far the most against any team he’s faced.” 

Wikipedia says it.  It’s fact.  So, understandably, I’m annoyed with you and your game tying homer in the ninth.  And why didn’t you tell me you were leaving the Padres?  An “im a met now” text would have cut it.  I think I read it in the media probably, but I was still sort of shocked when you came out on deck.

Then again, I can’t decide if this was an example of your hitting skills or some lame pitching.  I am inclined to think the latter.  Any lingering Wilson fondness you may have detected in my talking about Assyrian beard yesterday has vanished (you read my blog, right, Scott?  So you saw that post?). 

I know I’m overreacting and it’s just one loss.  It was just a little bit of a crushing one because of Nate’s splash hit and also because you guys aren’t, ahem, the greatest team this year.  No matter.  We’ll get you and your friends in black tonight.  Don’t think this will go un-avenged, Hairball.

Or… well… I have to ask… would you maybe be interested in a trade to the Giants?  If you can’t beat ‘em, get ‘em to join you, right?  We would love to have you.  I’ll deliver fresh dinner rolls to the club house every weekend.  I make really heavenly dinner rolls.  I will also make some really trendy mixes for the clubhouse and I promise not to put any Lord of the Rings soundtrack on there.  I’ll take you pedal boating in Golden Gate Park and get you the greatest gelato ever in Berkeley.  Interested?  Let me know ASAP.  Ideally, you know, before tonight’s game.  Thanks.  Have a great game.  If you’re in orange and black.  Otherwise, feel free to go 0’fer.  We’d understand.  The Giants great pitching and everything.  Makes total sense.


Diamond Girl

p.s.  Congratulations to Jeter on his 3000th hit!  What a beautiful baseball moment.

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