Why the San Francisco Giants Need To Be Reading InStyle And Listening to Lullabies and Love Songs

The Dodgers are the Giants rivals.  This, we know.  But they’re vaguely pitiful rivals right about now and the attempted creation of a rivalry between the Giants and Rockies (think: humidor) has sort of lost steam.  The Rockies are certainly opponents.  Just not really rivals.

Enter the Padres!  (Dramatic music.)

San Diego was good last year and dismally bad this year.  Through it all, they have become the arch-nemesis of San Francisco.  Partially, yes, because we can’t seem to beat them but also because they are a well suited rival- somewhat similar (good pitching, no offense) and they are of course, in the League of the Sunny Beaches.   National League West, that is.

Which is why yesterday’s 5-3 loss was more painful to watch than any old game.  Lincecum wasn’t terrible but he wasn’t great and he pulled the mental issues on the mound skeletons out of his closet (really, who pulls skeletons out of their own closet?) while Pablo hit like there was no tomorrow and the rest of the offense slept peacefully.

Speaking of sleeping… I’ve come to the (only logical) conclusion that sleep is the problem.  Not enough sleep.  Hear me out, or rather read this article from yesterday’s San Francisco Chronicle.  In summary, it’s about a small study on Stanford athletes, showing that when they supplemented their recommended eight hours of sleep with an extra two, their sports performance got demonstrably better.  So I think the Giants (yes, even Cody Ross and his million-watt smile) need a few more hours of shut-eye.  So I’ve made a list of tips for sleeping better.  I am totally a source on this.  Me and Sleep are real tight.

  • Buy Lullabies!  Tanja Solnik’s CD of Lullabies and Love Songs puts me to sleep every time.  In a good way.

  • Read Ball Four (If You’ve Already Read it, Read Again)!  I loved that book.  I really did.  But every time I picked it up I fell asleep like clockwork.

  • Read InStyle Magazine for that matter.

(Okay, enough InStyle.)

  • Stretch!  While exercise is a no-no for an hour or so before going to sleep, a few stretches can loosen your body and make you more comfortable and ready to sleep.  I’m rather partial to lying upside down on my big blue ball, daydreaming about a reality show with Theo Epstein/Jon Daniels showdown.  Am I completely imagining that rivalry?

  • When all else fails… turn on late night sports radio.  While the bashing of yourself, may stress you out, it’s the ultimate cure for insomniacs.  Think, Was the Cousins/Posey play clean?  Again.  And again.  And again.

Sweet dreams.

I mean, wake up! 

There’s a game tonight!  And then sweet dreams.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  When John Axford of the Milwaukee Brewers posted this photo to his Twitter account about a fish in his hotel room, all I saw as the Alba orange exfoliating cream in the background.  I was thrilled.   I absolutely love Alba.  Ballplayers do too!

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