Monthly Archives: July 2011

There Are Many Reasons I Do Not Like Cincinnati.

There are many reasons I do not like Cincinnati.  One of the things is that I always forget about them, when I’m trying to list all the teams.  I also (embarrassing confession here) confused them with the Twins for more years than I care to remember.

The foremost reason, though?  Their weekend sweep of the Gigantes, culminating in a dismal 9-0 victory in which someone actually struggled as much as Zito did.  I mean, not one person.  The whole offense.  It was a game that made you wonder why on earth Sabean thought Beltran was enough.  Kind of, Why not Pujols and A-Rod and Reyes and Braun and Ethier while you’re at it? feeling.

Maybe it didn’t make you wonder that.  But trades have infected just about every moment of my awake time and I have started to dream about them at a startling rate as well.  The upshot of all of this end-of-July craziness is that my quintessential Rockie, Ubaldo, is in Cleveland and my quintessential Dodger, Rafael Furcal, is in St. Louis.  And that the Giants- other than Zito and our offense saviors 0’fers since being traded- are in a nice spot.  Sure, this upcoming series against Arizona is scaring my hair into being curly again, but the fact is the Giants took one of the premiere hitters off the trade market and are legitimately poised to defend that- ahem, is this a total jinx?- championship.  Same on the Rangers side, actually.  Their brilliant bullpen bolstering will make them a real serious force to be reckoned with, I think.  I’m happy with how this trade deadline has played out.

Weirdness?  Tomorrow is August.  Dog Days.   

This season is going by in a heartbeat.  I know Sabean better than to think this is the team we’re going to have down the stretch but… who knows.  This could be the team we’re going to have down the stretch.  I better settle into spelling Keppinger’s name.

Diamond Girl


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An Epic Gathering of All 30 General Managers for a Round Table Chat About the Trade Deadline

Say Morgan LeFay or Gandalf or another wizard/witch of your choice appeared and decided to put all the GMs at a table together, the day before the trade deadline.  I imagine it would look something like this.

Brian Sabean, Giants- (crowing) We got Carlos Beltran!  We got Carlos Beltran!

Kevin Towers, Diamondbacks- Very nice, Brian.  Very nice.  But, you know, we got Jason Marquis from the Orioles and he is remarkably good against your Giants!

Daniel O’Dowd, Rockies- We are, ahem, building up for our future.  We have really good trading pawns.  I mean, the Yankees want Ubaldo in pinstripes!  We are going to be a force to be reckoned with.  (Silence.)  Um, could I get some dramatic music on that please, interns?  (Pause, and then dramatic music starts.)

Ned Colleti, Dodgers- (interrupts) Alyssa Milano was recently spotted at one of our games!  And we sent her a Dodgers onsie for her new baby!

Jed Hoyer, Padres- (leans forward with barely restrained fury) Do not think for one moment, Jon Daniels, that just because you beat me out in being the youngest GM ever, that I am going to give you Heath Bell or any of the other pieces of my utterly fantastic bullpen.  Understood?

Ruben Amaro Jr., Phillies- Very cool that you got Beltran while playing us, Sabes.  (Sabean interjects, “Not that nickname!”) But it is worth noting that we scored the other big bat on the market, Hunter Pence!

Frank Wren, Braves- We are, of course, exploring our options.  We have a bright, uh, future, Braves fans!  Do not lose faith!  We will be doi–

Sandy Alderson, Mets- If I am assassinated by angry Mets fans, please put on my tombstone, “He dealt Beltran because Sabes forces him to…”  (Sabean interjects, “Not that nickname!”)

Michael Hill, Marlins- Life’s a marathon, guys, not a sprint.  And did you happen to see my marathon times, from 2008?  They were pretty rad!

Mike Rizzo, Nationals- I will accept any questions about anything, including, but not limited to, the debt ceiling and how we feel about it here in DC, except questions regarding Jayson Werth and his contract and his supremely low batting average.  Thank you.

Doug Melvin, Brewers- I proudly point you all to my book of “101 Things Every GM Should Do”, which particularly focuses on the thought behind committing to paying Ryan Braun through 2030.  And we also acquired Hairball 2.0 from the Nationals.  Pretty good year, huh?

John Mozeliak, Cardinals- Albert Pujols is not up for trading.  I repeat, Albert Pujols is not up for trading.  I repeat, Albert Pujols is no–

Neal Huntington, Pirates- I’ll just interject right here if no one minds… Ruben, I disagree that it was cool of Sabes (Sabean interjects, “Not that nickname!) to get Beltran.  Nor was it cool of you get Hunter Pence.  We need a big bat!  Hey, Mozeliak, you sure about Pujols?

Walt Jocketty, Reds- I would like to make it clear that we are not selling at this trade deadline.  We are still very much contenders.  And yes, I’ve seen a doctor about my delusions.

Jim Hendry, Cubs- We are building a better future for us.  Better than the last 102 years, that is.  We traded Fukudome for Abner Abreu  and Carlton Smith.  I would like to direct your attention to Carlton’s impressive AAA ERA of 5.46 and the equally impressive fact that Abner shares a last name with Bobby!

Ed Wade, Astros- I’ve loved working with all of you.  Really, I have.  If my job, ahem, something, ahem, happens to it.  You all are the best.  (At this point he takes out a blue and white checkered hankie and dabs his eyes.)

Theo Epstein, Red Sox- (Looking at Wade with distaste.)  You know, Ed, your name has always reminded me of that odd Johnny Depp movie, Ed Wood?  Remember it?  It’s about the arguably worst film maker even.  Ironic.  (He smirks and pauses.  Then continues, with condescending smiles.)  Anyhow, we are winning!  Duh!

Brian Cashman, Yankees- I am being haunted.  (Looks around, petrified.)  Someone believe me, please!   George won’t let me be!  Help!  No, I am not dealing anyone!  No, I am not acquiring anyone!  Just move right alone!

Andrew Friedman, Rays- I’m experimenting with a new way of doing trades.  I talk to players about their gut feelings.  BJ’s is that he won’t be traded.  So we’re just, you know, going with that.  It’s really… cool.

Alex Anthopoulos, Blue Jays- Anyone checked out my boy Jose Bautista’s homerun totals lately?  (Hastily adds:) No, sorry, Pirates-guy.  He’s not For Trading.

John Angelos, Orioles- Yes, we are sellers.  Any other questions?  (Sighs wearily.)

Dave Dombrowski, Tigers- It’s worth noting, O’Dowd, that the Yankees are not the only team interested in Ubaldo.  Justin Verlander is lonely!   And since I’m on a national stage here, I’d also like to reassure the public that our stadium is not in the state of decay it is in Eminem’s music video, “Beautiful”.  Thanks, guys.

Chris Antonetti, Indians- Dombrowski!  We are also interested in Ubaldo!

Kenny Williams, White Sox- We are still recovering from massive storms in the winter and massive heat waves this summer.  The chances of a move are slim, very slim.  I spend my whole life going from heating to AC.  Sorry.

Bill Smith, Twins- Would now be an inappropriate time to call security and make them take that Pirates guy out?  He’s practically trading for our Jason Kubel with his eyes!

Dayton Moore, Royals- Today, we acquired two guys with rocking names: utility player Yamaico Navarro and minor leaguer Kendal Volz.  The future looks good, right KC’ers?!

Jon Daniels, Rangers- I will not, of course, comment on specific players.  We are, however, going to sid-down and explore the possibility of an acquisition that might provide the possibility of improvement for our organization, depending on the conclusions we might potentially come to when we do the afore mentioned siddin’-down.  Interested in siddin’ down, Jed?  Oh, right.  You already said.

Tony Reagins, Angels- The AL West is mine!  Could you please cue up that dramatic music again, interns?  (Jon Daniels snickers.)

Billy Beane, Athletics- Now that the lockout’s ended, I’m sure football fans are excited for some action.  Maybe we could just call it a season and the Raiders could get going a little early.  Hmmm.

Jack Zduriencik, Mariners- You gotta believe… (At which point the New York media choruses, “You gotta bereave…)

And that was that.  The GMs get their too-narrow sunglasses and sporty jackets, power-up their Blackberries and leave.  Until the General Manager Meetings, folks!

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Schierholtz’s game-saving throw in the 11th was gorgeous.  Really and truly. I watched it once.  Then twice.  Then three times.  I’ll stop there because it might creep you out to hear how many times I actually watched it.  Really, it almost leaves me with a, “we lost the game, so what?” vibe because that was truly heart-warming.  There’s been more than a little grumbling about Nate’s move to left field to accommodate Beltran, but it paid off, right there.  Right place, right time.  And if someone had to walk off on us the Giant in Cinci?  Then I’m glad it was Edgar.  I will love that guy until the end of my days.

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This Post Will Surprise You

(No, really.  It will.)

So to know me is to know that I read way too much Yahoo Shine.  It’s basically all the most annoyingly intriguing beauty/relationships/parenting articles from the internet in one place.  Who could resist?  Today, I stumbled across this, from The Stir, a blog from CafeMom.

You might not guess it from their jovial get-together with President Obama yesterday, but the 2010 World Series winning San Francisco Giants were — at least, initially — all sorts of cranky about going to visit 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Apparently, it was supposed to be an “off” day, and they were annoyed that the original meeting had been postponed … because, oh,drr! The original date was the weekend that Osama bin Laden guy had to be killed, and the President was just a little bit tied up finalizing that operation.

But whatever. Some of the baseball players want their free time (gosh durnit!) and weren’t exactly jumping from the rooftops when they heard that they’d have their face-to-face with Barry rescheduled for July 25. In fact, when asked if he was looking forward to meeting Obama, infielder Jeff Keppinger said, “Uh … well, sure.” D’oh!


But come on — it’s a tradition for the World Series champs to meet the President, and these ninnies needed to just suck it up!

That’s an excerpt, but if you enjoy sitting at your computer with your mouth hanging wide open, then by all means, read it all.  Now the weird thing about the article is that aside from the Keppinger quote, there is zero fact in it.  It’s based on what’s a passing remark about whispers and rumors in a beat writer’s blog.  And the context behind Kepp’s quote?  He’d just been traded and in his first presser as a Giant, a reporter asked him how he felt about the trip the White House.  He hadn’t heard about it before and was totally shocked.  One of our other beat writers actually described his expression at that moment as “priceless”.   I am vaguely Mama Bear-ish about the national/alternative media and my Giants and this article makes me angry.  I think CafeMom is better at endless Bachlorette summaries and stroller recommendations.

So, I did surprise you, didn’t I?  I think you were expecting this post to start with something about today’s, ahem, rather big news.

Introducing (drum roll, please)… Carlos Beltran, the San Francisco Giant!

(I initially posted that photo last week, so you can’t say I didn’t warn you.)

So I took a moment to remember my lovely Mets of 2006- LoDuca, Delgado, Beltran, Valentin, Reyes, Wright and others- and then became totally stoked for him to be coming over The Light Side of The Force.  I think the Giants are going to be kind of invincible.  Other than, you know, their Achilles Heel/ Kryptonite, who may or may not be Pat Burrell.  I root for “may”, but you can just fill in the blank with a player you are not doting on for whatever reason.  I love fill in the blanks and I think other people do/should too.

Anyhow.  The other thing I should really talk about is The Other Barry.  I don’t even know what to say.  Except that when I’m having a hard time I read books by Sophie Kinsella (think: Confessions of a Shopaholic) and I really think that might help him on the mound.  Raisins and orange juice and light toast are good too.  Scratch what I said above.  I do know what to say:  time is running out and Tibetan Bowl discs are just waiting for you to buy ‘em on iTunes.  And hugs, Barry.  Hugs.  The darkest time of night is right before dawn.

Okay.  Done with the corny quotes.  I need to read more outrageous mommy blog articles.  Enjoy your Wednesday evening.  Preferably in combination with pizza and basil and olives.  Yep, I’m taking my own advice on that.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Little known fact?  Beltan is a total fashion-savvy MLB’er.  Remember this?


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Well, This Should Be…

For those who are not aware, Timmy has the flu- yep, not even “flu-like symptoms“, so this is bad- which means Barry is starting in his place in Philly tonight.  Where is that nail-polish?  My nerves are going crazy.

Diamond Girl

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I Come to a Slightly Obvious Realization and the Verdict on Hobo-Chic Is In

Why did I not blog this weekend?

a)      I knew there was some possibility I would alienate my Giants fan readers with my Brauny doting and Nyjer Morgan apologist-ness. 

b)      Well, I was sort of sleeping most of time.

c)       I was watching girls-night movies like 10 Things I Hate About You and Winter’s Bone (you figure out which one of those doesn’t make sense in the sentence).

d)      Because we had a lovely 13 hour power outage.  During which I decided I was going to open a rival company because PG&E goes out way too much and they have terrible costumer service to boot but then realized I don’t really exactly know what they do, so I might need to do some research before I pursue this line of work.


This series reminded me why I do really love it when the Giants face the Brewers.  They were tight, well-matched games with players I love on both sides and Ryan absolutely tore it up in the two games he played (he sat on Friday) but San Francisco still took the series.

It made me wish they played more often- this is the last of two series they played this year – and I actually started to create a pitch to convince Major League Baseball that Milwaukee is totally in the west and that’s the realignment we need.  But after a while I decided that was not a purposeful way of spending my time so I just sat back and enjoyed the ballgame.

The Giants looked good.  Like, really good.  And I came to a realization that I am a fan of good teams.  Now that weirded me out.  We all know the Giants were good last year and everything but that had the vague makings of a fluke.   Whatever happens this year, it’s July 24th and they’re making a serious run of this.  They are that team that opposing teams maybe aren’t so stoked about facing.  Before you give me the, Late to the party, sister, line, realize that I grew up with a notion that the Giants were kind of lame.  And for a good part of my pretty short life, they have been.  These days, they feel like something akin to a perennial pennant contender.

 The offense isn’t exactly rockin’ (what else is new?), but the pitching is and they are totally winning ballgames.

So if you don’t mind I’ll just check out a few more of these modern-day-version-of-something high school movies, sit back and marinate in Ryan Braun home runs and the fact that I am a fan of the defending World Champions.  This is all starting to freak me out to the point that I want to become a full time Pirates fan, but then I remember the Pirates are actually good and I end up somewhere on the other side of freaked out.

Catch y’all later.  I hope we meet the Crew again in the playoffs.  And I hope the dress code is strict for the whole White House thing today.  Sorry, Wilson.  I’m thinking more boho-chic than hobo-chic.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  I think Nyjer Morgan was really, truly, actually doing the Tony Plush sign.

p.p.s.  Nope, me and my “I Love U, Ryan Braun” sign were not there.  I Object to $26 standing room tickets with a capital O.

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