Diamond Girl’s Great Guide to Health And Wellness For Ballplayers To Protect From Murderous Opposing Teams

Okay, let me tell you the difference between the Giants and other teams: We. Don’t. Crash. Ever.

If that sounded a little computer-y, you’re absolutely right. You know how much I love quoting The Social Network (watch from .54 seconds). But if you squint, it might sound like it’s about the 2010 Giants vs. the 2011 Giants. Last year? Nobody got hurt. But if one domino goes, the other dominos go (fine, done with the quoting) and this year we’ve just had the darndest luck.

In case you live under a rock/like to spend your Saturday’s sleeping (understandable) Brandon Belt was placed on the disabled list with a hairline fracture of the left wrist following the Giants 2-1 loss to the Rockies this afternoon and Conor Gillaspie (Best. Name. Ever.) was called up. I’d say I don’t know who else could possibly get hurt but then they would go and get hurt to remind me and we don’t want that to happen, do we?

Which is why I have created a great guide to health and wellness for all of the San Francisco Giants and their affiliates (hey, you can use it too. If you want.) Whether you are injured- yet- or not, this is a guide to being physically and mentally the best you that you can be! Oh. I said I was done with the quoting, didn’t I? Sorry. Anyway. Here we go:

Diamond Girl’s Great Guide to Health And Wellness For Ballplayers

Eat In, Rock Out

Make sure you’re loading up your diet with foods that strengthen your bones like spinach (in a salad, with red onions? Joy.) and milk (with Oreos. You are never too old for that).

Make sure that your walk-up music not only revs you up but puts you in a good state of mind to avoid the blows of murderous opposing teams. Some hypnotic Tibetan Bowl might do the trick. Or Enya, if you’re more mainstream.

Mellow Out, Breathe In

Yoga on the field may sound like a joke linked to Barry Zito’s name but it really loosens the tension in your body and when a group of Little Leaguers were led in mediation during warm-ups, they absolutely killed it during the game (the mediation leader may have been horrified, but it worked). True story. But if that sounds too close to the Dodgers guru for comfort, I get that.

Sleep In, Move Out

While people claim that sleeping too much is bad for you, I find that doubtful. Make your home a haven of wellness (move, if need be) and make sure your plane is decked out and nice to sleep on. And please try not to get in altercations with your teammates about putting the seat back, okay?

You are now on your way to being healthy and well! And when all else fails? Run. I mean it. The DL is a terribly crowded place and I promise not to compare you to Julia Roberts in The Runaway Bride afterwards.

Diamond Girl

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