Monthly Archives: April 2011

Pressure Points That Relieve Headaches For World Series Winning Teams To Play Better At Home

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I got my contest prize yesterday, which is this beautiful photo book, “Freak Season”.  It has some fascinating little moments and I definitely recommend it to people who are Tim Lincecum fans (though no one is as big as me.  I am the ultimate Tim Lincecum fan.)  Yesterday was a good day.  Today?  Not so much.

 

Reasons today was depressing:

 

·         The Giants were on Fox.

I try not to be one of those endless complainers about national media but the broadcasters today made me want to pluck my eyeballs out with forks.  Not literally.

 

·         The Giants lost.

Dismally.  In the fog.

 

·         Pat Burrell attempted to run.

I never thought I would feel badly for him, but today I ever so slightly did.  It was painful to watch him run.  And what is with his eyebrows?  If someone doesn’t want to do anything with their eyebrows, I won’t pick on them.  But his look done.  Just bizarrely.

 

·         Tim Lincecum attempted to pitch.

And failed.

 

·         Tim Hudson pitched.

And succeeded brilliantly.  I have a little Big 3 nostalgia for him, but not when he’s blowing my Giants away.  Without even huffing and puffing.  Profoundly effortless, on his part.

 

·         The offense attempted to hit.

And failed.

 

·         Neftali Feliz was placed on the disabled list.

With right shoulder inflammation.  The club said that it’s sort of precautionary, since he’s so young.  My fingers are solidly crossed that that is true.

 

·         MLB has a new ad featuring Brian Wilson’s beard that is seriously nauseating.  

May I just say that epic is not always a compliment?  As in, epic can be an adverb, paired with words such as, “ridiculous”, “hideous” and/or “plain stupid”.  On KNBR the other day, they had the topic “Who’s your favorite Giant?” and I was floored by the lack of Brian Wilson responses.  I thought I was the odd one out in being sick of the act.  I don’t  think so.  He needs some serious image consultation.

 

There was some comic relief, though.  Like the girl with the “Marry Me, Ryan Braun” sign.  I don’t feel like I’m on high enough ground to pick on her, but at least my sign was a non-committal statement and it sure didn’t have my phone number.  My ground is at least a few inches higher, right?

 

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And I guess it’s sort of good news that the Giants are going on a 10 game roadtrip after tomorrow, because they seem better on the road, though their record is just about even.  I mean, I would be too, if there were crazy people with smeared eye-black and orange chest paint yelling strange cheers at 100 decibels.  Which is why I want Meditation Day at the ballpark and I would be a bad baseball player because I would choke when delivering the “the fans were so loud, it was amazing” line.  Although maybe they mean amazing in a bad way…?  Because otherwise I don’t get it.  I wonder if they are given a handbook after they win the World Series about pressure points that relieve headaches.  That could be useful.  For the players and the fans, actually.  I’m going to try acupressure next time I’m there.

 

Diamond Girl

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Ryan Braun And His Gucci Model Hair And The Rangers Are Plunging Into Darkness (Not Really)

Ryan Braun is endlessly funny.  He’s the guy who can arrive late to his own press conference with hair more befitting of one of those ridiculously tan male models in Gucci ads than a ballplayer and still absolutely rock it.  He can also open a restaurant called Ryan Braun’s Graffito and actually date a model, all with a straight face.  Takes talent.  Must have something to with his Southern California roots.  I am admittedly clueless about people from down there.  They are aliens, around here.

You need two angles on that ‘do, right?

I mean, I carried an I Love U Ryan Braun sign to a game last September and tolerated the snickers and smirks of all the warming up Brewers pitchers for close to an hour.

 

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I do not have a vine tattooed on my hand/arm, for the record.  That’s henna.

I like (love?) the guy.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly disappointed to hear about his extension.  I am holding out hope that he’ll fall so in love with the City By the Bay that he’ll waive his no-trade clause and come here.  But it’s getting more unlikely by the second.  Really, I have a lot of respect for players who want to spend their whole career on one team especially when they are obviously winning-crazy like Ryan and on an iffy club.  I wish him all the best and I will be there to see him in San Fran this summer.  I may or may not resurrect the sign.

Meanwhile, the Giants were off yesterday.  Which was good because my head was feeling dangerously close to splitting open.  The Rangers plunging into darkness (caution: that is a dramatized description, not real) and Braun’s years and years of millions and millions were good distractions for my mental health.

The Rangers run lately is more of a gentle nosedive than a plunging-into-darkness-dive, really.  They are in second place now, .5 games behind the Angels of Anaheim, going into a series against Kansas City who are also currently in second place.  That should be an interesting series.  If I drink enough evening orange juice, I may be able to stay awake and watch it on Gameday.  Gameday puts me to sleep, in case you weren’t aware.

It’s April 22nd and we’re closing in on the end of Month 1 of baseball season.  So far, so good.  For me.  I apologize if you are a Boston/Minnesota/Seattle/New York/Houston/San Diego fan.  Losing teams are fun too, right?  Right.  Encouraging statement of the day.

Diamond Girl

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The Bullpen Drank Too Many Espressos and The Dodgers Will No Longer Be Paying People Six Figures to Channel Positive Energy

Let’s be real: winning this series in Colorado is better than anyone had expected, me included.  10-2 hurts, but finishing the roadtrip 4-2 makes it a little better.  Today’s game was also somewhat overshadowed by Sandoval’s injury, the moment when we thought Buster was injured and, of course, Brandon Belt’s birthday present.  He’s heading to Chuck E. Cheese Park (am I the only one who calls it that?  For those of you who don’t know, it’s actually called Chuckchansi Park.).  I’m surprised and not entirely thrilled.  I guess that experiment is over?  But that begs the question, why did that experiment happen at all?

And the Dodgers news.  Selig wised up and intervened in a situation that has really spun out of control.  I mean, I was all for the mystical healer/scientist and the positive energy thing.  You think they would pay me six figures to do that?  I bet I would make a great guru, even if I’m not much of a scientist and I am way closer than Russia.

 

But I think it’s time for the McCourts to find a nice hole to crawl into and hang out with rabbits in waistcoats.  Or something.  I wish them all the best, but there are only 30 clubs in Major League Baseball and there are a lot of people who could make the Dodgers- who aren’t a small market team, or anything- succeed to some extent.  It just isn’t fair to the city of Los Angeles and their Uggs and their beachballs and their hopefully fake tans.  Time for some Selig magic.  Why have I spent so much of this season being nice to the Dodgers?  I am too softhearted for my own fandom good.

Back to the Giants.  Though they only scored two runs today, the first inning run struck again.  I love first inning runs/leads before we even take the mound almost as much as I hate blown saves so that made me happy.  Cain didn’t have a whole lot today and the bullpen was, ahem, shaky.  Tired.  Like they either missed their morning coffee or drank too many espressos.  Can’t decide which.

 

I am actually feeling awfully confident now, which is weird after such a blowout loss.  The Braves are under .500 plus the boys in orange and black are coming back to drizzly San Fran so I think all will be right in the world.  As I said, I am huge into positive energy. 

Now if you’ll excuse me… there are Little League games to be attended and my silver and gold bangles are hitting the computer every time I type so if I don’t stop writing soon there may be irrevocable damage.  Ruined laptops are just the price you pay to look good, right?

Diamond Girl

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The Guy Who Is Going to Bring World Peace, Find a Cure to Cancer Plus Valiantly Defend Center and Right Field All While Cranking Balls Into the Stands a Couple Times a Night is Back

So.   Let’s see.  Last night.  People hit the ball.  People pitched the ball.  It was a no-hitter and then it wasn’t.  Ball went to the third deck.  People were surprised.  People’s jaws dropped.  You know.  Nothing abnormal.

Okay.  Just kidding.   It was abnormal.  When I saw the box score, my jaw dropped too.  Eight runs.  Feels nice. 

It was sort of interesting and strange, though, to listen to SportsPhone 680 after the game because there were so many Schierholtz fans.  And I’ve noticed that even when he hasn’t just taken a ball to somewhere in the middle of Kansas.  Though the scouts are moving in the post-Moneyball era of not judging players by their “look”, I think fans are still solidly pre-Moneyball and Nate is a player to stand behind.  People like him.  Even so, there seems to be the expectation that he won’t get play time because Ross the Boss (tiny snicker.  Sorry.) has landed in the Mile High city as I write and he’s going to bring world peace and find a cure to cancer, plus valiantly defend center and right field, all while cranking balls into the stands a couple times a night.  Pretty amazing.  If true.  I think we should settle in with a fleece blanket and figure out how to spell Nate’s last name because he and Cody will be sharin’ right field.  I hope so, at least.  He’s a player I can stand behind, too.

So’s Belt.  And since I’ve seen the movie Bright Star too many times, the quote, “The point of diving in a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore” keeps coming to mind.  You made this decision that he was ready at the beginning of this year, which may or may not have been smart, but don’t give up on this quite yet.  I think they’ll give him a little while more and then at some point in the end of the first half he’ll spend his 20+ days in AAA.  I don’t think he should go down now and I don’t think he will.

And Timmy was… Timmy.  For lack of a better way to describe it.  I’m totally torn about the short pants, though.  Fashion-wise, they’re better but image-wise, I can’t bring myself to love them.  Lincecum has long pants and in my mind, always will.  Decide for yourself whether that has more to do with my mind or him.

 

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Diamond Girl

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Coors Field the Chamber of Horrors and Remember The Balloon Scene in Despicable Me?

We sucked all the air out of Chase Field.  And then, yeah, they sucked the air of us.  Basically, Madison showed encouraging signs aside from the 32 pitch first inning (ouch), Posey and Sandoval went back-to-back with the longball while Huff hit his first of this year, Rowand shows no signs of slowing down (toothy smile) and they are still desperately in need of an Inspirational Defense Coach.

Which is all to say that the game wasn’t that bad.  It was just bad in that they didn’t lose, they made me think they would win and then they lost.  À la Despicable Me balloon scene.  (Can’t find the clip online, but he comes up to a crying little boy, makes him happy with a balloon animal, and then promptly pops it and leaves the child in tears once again.)

 

Coors Field is up tonight.  Say that out loud.  Doesn’t it sound like The Chamber of Horrors, or something?  No?  Must just be me.  And have to do with the creepy humidor.  Wins would be absolutely lovely, but I’m not exactly predicting them.  Positivity only, so I won’t predict anything.

And is this article from the Dallas Observer about Colby Lewis for real?  I’ve been following the Rangers with wide eyes this year, though I haven’t written much about them, and while I get that the reporter is frustrated with them cooling off, what he says is just obscenely ridiculous.

“In Game 2, Colby Lewis is scheduled to start after missing his last regular turn in the rotation because — I’m not making this up — his wife, Jenny, was giving birth in California. To the couple’s second child.  Don’t have kids of my own but I raised a step-son for eight years. I know all about sacrifice and love and how great children are.  But a pitcher missing one of maybe 30 starts? And it’s all kosher because of Major League Baseball’s new paternity leave rule?  Follow me this way to some confusion.  Imagine if Jason Witten missed a game to attend the birth of a child. It’s just, I dunno, weird. Wrong even.  Departures?  Totally get it because at a funeral you’re saying goodbye to someone for the last time. But an arrival is merely saying hello to someone you’ll see the rest of your life.  Dave Bush filled in for Lewis last week in Detroit and threw three scoreless innings of a game that Mark Lowe and the bullpen eventually coughed up. But that’s not the point. Baseball players are paid millions to play baseball. If that means “scheduling” births so they occur in the off-season, then so be it. Of the 365 days in a year, starting pitchers “work” maybe 40 of them, counting spring training and playoffs.  If it was a first child, maybe. But a second child causing a player to miss a game? Ludicrous.”

Let’s clear a few things up.  Nobody thinks you’re making this up.  It is not in the least bit ludicrous.  It’s not even rare.  I know MLB has a new paternity leave rule, but before that players took off for their children’s births anyway (I remember Santiago Casilla last year and Cole Hamels in 2009).  I don’t even know what to say about the “an arrival is merely saying hello to someone you’ll see the rest of your life.”  I, too, have not had kids, but I don’t think that’s how parents view births.  If you want to shell Colby Lewis for his pitching or his hair or his choice of walk-up music, fine.  But please don’t do it about his paternity leave.  Not cool at all.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Happy Anniversary, 1906 Earthquake.  That 3.8 was cute.  Just don’t go getting ideas that we’re okay with something bigger. 

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