I’m not going to try and prank you. It’s too late in the day, for that. Everyone is on guard by now. That doesn’t mean I haven’t pranked anyone today. Read on.
My morning routine is basically to stumble out of my bed (TMI? Yes.), read my news on my iPod and then tell anyone who is awake and will listen what’s going on in baseball. So this morning this is how it went:
Diamond Girl: Oh my god, did you hear? They traded Timmy.
The Brother is not buying it at all.
The Sister: What?
DG (sounding panicked): They traded Lincecum!
The Sister: They can’t. He’s the Franchise.
At this point The Mother comes running out of the kitchen.
DG (on the verge of tears): He and Sabean got in this huge fight last night and the Cards have been bugging the Giants about a starting pitcher, because they lose Wainwright, so last night Sabean was like, Take Timmy.
The Mother and The Sister run to their respective computers to read the news.
DG (yells after them): April Fool!
What happens after this needs not be related. Let’s just say all hell broke loose. They’re both big Timmy people.
It worked perfectly. Last year, it was the whole “we’re moving to New Jersey!” thing on Facebook. That one went way too far. And then two perfectly executed prank calls. It’s quality, not quantity.
And about tonight’s game? I didn’t get to listen to most of it, but I hear it got ugly. We can still go 160-2, right? Or clone Brandon Belt because he is way beyond great and I love him? Or just get a good, morale boosting defense coach? That’s a kind of good idea, actually. I have a few candidates for that job. Like, you know, me.
p.s. Don’t be paranoid, Giants fans. She takes the midnight train at Dodger stadium every night. They’re not playing Don’t Stop Believin’ to mock us.