Script: My Conversation with Brian Sabean

Time: The Present

Setting:  Post-apocalyptic San Francisco with red tinged sky and eerie silence, except for bats flying around.  Okay, fine.  It’s an office at AT&T Park.  I was trying just to liven things up.  Brian Sabean and Diamond Girl are sitting in the office.  Sabean is wearing a grey suit, minus jacket.  DG is wearing a sweater dress, jeggings and boots.  Her perfume is Amber by Prada and her purple eyeshadow is from MAC. 

DG:  Hello, Brian!

Sabean (looking slightly suspicious):  Hello, Diamond Girl.

DG:  You know, I’m so glad to meet you.  I’ve always been a huge fan of yours.

Sabean (Looking very suspicious):  Huh.  Funny I saw on your blog that you stopped rooting for the Giants in the World Series because you were unhappy with me.

DG:  Uh, no.  That totally didn’t happen. 

Diamond Girl subtly pulls out iPod Touch and deletes the post he is referencing.

DG:  Anyway, Sabes.

Sabean:  Brian.  Or Mr. Sabean.  Or GM Extraordinaire.   Whatever.  Just not that horrible nickname.   I can’t stan–

DG:  Okkkkaayyy.   Moving right along.  What I was trying to say is just that I think you’ve done a great job at setting up your team to repeat in 2011.

Sabean:  Who gave you this meeting?  I have better ways to spend my time than listening to fangirls tell me why my team is awesome.

DG:  I have my ways.  Of getting meetings.

The scene fades and there is a flashback of DG in a witch hat over a cauldron saying an incantation to get a meeting with Brian Sabean.  Scene flashes back.

DG:  Actually, GM Extrordinai–

Sabean:  Please.  I wasn’t being serious.  That was just an example.

DG:  Oh.  Sorry.  Okay.  Mr. Sabean.  I actually have an idea for y’all.

Sabean:   Do enlighten me.

DG:  You know how you’ve always had that sort of loser-hanger-oner-starter the past few years?

Sabean:  Like Wellemeyer or Joey.

DG:  Right.  Who do you think is going to fill that role this year?

Sabean:  We’re World Series champs, Diamond Girl.  We don’t need loser-hanger-oner-starters.

DG:  I beg to differ.  And the great part is that this interesting, talented, only slightly loser-hanger-oner-starter was just DFA’ed.

Sabean:  That’s too good to be true!

DG:  But it is true.  His name is Armando Galarraga and the Tigers DFA’ed him.  Sure, there’s a 2.5 million dollar contract there, but we got money, right?

Sabean:  Wow, Diamond Girl!  What a great idea!

Sabean turns to phone and calls Dave Dombrowski .  Within a few minutes, the deal is complete. 

Exeunt DG and Sabean.  Scene fades.


Filed under Dailies

6 responses to “Script: My Conversation with Brian Sabean


    i think Galarraga is better than being a sixth starter on a team when he could be part of a rotation on some teams. Giants do have their five SP returning. Only problem would be number of innings in the coming season for Bumgarner. Cain, TL, Zito, and Sanchez are used to pitching good number of innings now. I would have liked my Nats to go after him but we are already way too many options right now.

  2. seedboy

    Jeggings. Say it isn’t so, DG!

    Sixth starter is a genuine hole to fill. Most teams end up needing one; with all of the innings the Giants’ starters pitched last season, it is likely that a Giants starter will lose significant time to injury. I know that Panda has a hankering to pitch (and left handed, too, can you believe it?) but Mr. Sabean is going to want a better solution than that.

  3. wrigleyregular

    A couple things. 1.Why is it that the post-apocalyptic sky is always red; movies, books and tv, always red? 2. I love this post, it’s funny and I can actually hear Sabean talking that way. 3. Why does everyone want Galarraga? This is the fourth post I’ve read in the last hour with people wanting Galarraga. He had one great game. Without that one game his ERA last year would be 4.78

    • Wrigley Regular… very good questions, both. I think the post-apocalyptic sky has something to do the sky turning reddish after a large fire or bombing. And the apocalypse often includes one or both of those events. But if I ever discuss it again on this blog, I think I’ll make the sky green for a change. Green sky sounds sort of menacing, actually.

      And I think people want Galarraga for two reasons. Firstly, because they feel badly for him because he lost the perfect game to the blown call and want him to have a great season and what better place for him to have a great season than on your favorite team? And I think the second thing is just that we saw him brush with brilliance- perfection, no less. Could it have been a fluke? Absolutely. But could it have been a glimpse of his talent? Perhaps.

      Thanks for reading!
      Diamond Girl

  4. seedboy

    Any feelings about Suppan as the 6th starter?

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