Monthly Archives: October 2010

Open Letter to Bud Selig: The Nameless Champions and On Stealing Marisa Miller from the NFL

Dear Bud Selig,

Before I get started with my rant… would you please send Joe Girardi a birthday card from me?  Or better yet, some birthday brownies?  I wanted to do it myself but no one would give me his address.  Can’t think why.  It’s not like I would stalk him or anything.  Probably.

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Anyway.  I’m writing to tell you that I am kind of excited for my Giants, but I have a problem with this whole thing: when they got into the postseason, they were the NL West Champions and if they get to the World Series, they’ll be the NL Champions, but what are they now?  Co-champions of the NLDS?  Contenders for the NLCS?  There doesn’t seem to be a good name for them.  I mean, we could just call them the Holders of the Title that Diamond Girl Created but that’s kind of a little long.  How ’bout HTDGC?  ::cue stunned silence::  Forget it.  But I do need some name ideas and since you surely have brilliant minds at your disposal, why not come up with some? 

Seriously, any name ideas, darling people?  If not, we could steal Marissa Miller from the NFL and see if she has any bright ideas.  The moon is blue, once in a while.

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Sincerely yours with x’s and o’s,

Diamond Girl

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The Rangers Sprayed Ginger Ale, Why I love Jon Daniels and on Wearing White After Labor Day

I love these guys.  Scratch that.  I adore these guys.  These guys being the Texas Rangers and I’m adoring them right now because they reportedly celebrated their win over the Rays with ginger ale rather than the traditional alcohol, so that their star player, Hamilton could participate.  How amazingly great is that?  I give myself some credit because I suggested orange juice as an alternative a few weeks ago but maybe they aren’t that into healthy natural juice.  No matter.  I am proud to be a Rangers fan because they took matters into their own hands and did something different.

 

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Don’t really know if I need to repeat this, but no, I do not waste my time by photographing cans of ginger ale.

 

I’m also giving JD some credit, because I have this irrational suspicion this he was involved with the idea.  JD being Jon Daniels, the General Manager of the Rangers.  I’m not usually really into GMs, they seem so distant, but I am a huge Daniels fan.  To start with, when he was hired, he was the youngest GM in the history of MLB which I love.  I firmly live by the principle that age only matter if you’re cheese and so I think the way he’s built what is something of an underdog club into one that can beat the holder of the best record in the AL is fantastic.  And he traded Chris Ray for Bengie.  Who do you think got the better end of that deal?  He signed Vladdy when everyone thought he was done.  He stole Cliff Lee from under the Yankees nose.  And from what I’ve seen, he’s a snappy dresser.  And the Dreamy Team General Manager.

 

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Didn’t take this picture.  But if someone wants to invite me to his next press conference, feel free to. 

 

So I am obviously hoping, hoping, hoping that we get a Rangers vs. Giants World Series, but I’d be okay with seeing the sweet, if over-loaded as a team, guys from the Bronx as well.  I’m hoping it’s not the Phillies, but I’m okay with that too.  All four teams left play good ball so either way I’m pumped.  But you know the scary thing I realized while going to sleep last night?  No matter what, the Giants have a maximum of 14 games left.  (Yeah, that’s what I think about while I go to sleep.  No wonder I dream about it.)  We are seriously nearing the end.  Down to a wire is an understatement.  I miss Zito starts.

                                                                                

Lastly.  Some of you may have noticed that I have a new profile picture.  The reason is that yesterday somebody clued me into the fact that it is no longer summer and while Important People in the fashion industry have recently stated that it’s okay to wear white after Labor Day (I hardly ever wear white anyway, so it’s a non-issue for me, but that didn’t stop me from clicking on the article about it), it’s still unacceptable to wear sandals in mid-October.  Even more unacceptable to have them in ones profile picture.  Lesson learned.  New profile picture needed.  Instead of photographing my new Madden boots, I’m going face this time.  And the new picture (newly my profile picture, it’s from July) makes me nostalgic for the 2010 season and reminds me why I like people who give me tickets to sit behind the dugout at a game.  You know the way to my heart.  (That is, Madden shoes or nice seats at a baseball game.)

 

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Diamond Girl

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Why I No Longer Fear the Beard(s) + New Facial Hair Styles for the ‘Pen

Who honestly thought we would win last night?  This has nothing to do with my personal like or dislike of Matt Cain- in fact, I only dislike him because of the obvious fact that he combs his hair when it’s dry, huge no-no for curly haired folks.  This has to do with the fact that it would be way too easy to win in three.  Or in four.  I think this one’s going five games.  The 2010 Giants don’t do things the easy way and we should all know that by now.  I’m guilty, too.  I thought they’d win last night.  I always hold the lingering hope they’ll change their ways, but who changes their ways in the postseason?  (The correct answer is: no one.  A+ for all of you, who answered right.)

But what I really want to talk about is why I no longer Fear the Beard(s).  To be quite honest, I never Feared them and always thought they were basically ugly but they worked, so how could I complain?  And since Brian Wilson will probably never be a male model (who knows, high fashion is attracted to interesting or odd faces) it’s more important for him to pitch well.  Same with the rest of the bullpen.  But I think they took it too far.  Game 1 of the postseason, the bullpen was not needed.  Game 2, it was.  And it failed, majorly.  I think the bullpen is doomed for the postseason.  I’m not saying this because they had one day where they were whacked out, because that obviously doesn’t denote failure forever, I’m saying it because I think the beards have done their job.  In the past tense.  And it’s time to do something new.  Like dye their eyebrows orange.  That was just an example, not a suggestion.

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Can we call it “The Brian Wilson Beard”, like “The Mona Lisa Smile”?

Moreover, the beards are really not well suited to their wearers.  I did a little research on what face shapes a few of the bullpen guys have as well as beard shapes and here’s what I came up with.

Brian Wilson- Oval

An oval face is very forgiving, beard-wise, but Wilson’s complexion is not.  The darkness of color, instead of being menacing, ends up looking strange.  It washes out his face, particularly his skin and eyes.  In addition, his beard is at the “not-sure” point.  Not short enough to be “I forgot my razor” and not quite long enough to be “I have a beard”.  If nothing else, the color should go.

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Oval face.

Sergio Romo- Round

Romo’s round face is overwhelmed by volume on the sides.  It’s important to draw the focus to the center with spiky hair and volume and length near the inside of the beard rather than on the corners of the jaw.

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Round face.

Jeremy Affeldt- Heart shaped

Affeldt has a heart-shaped face, which is rarer among men and therefore more tricky.  His goatee emphasizes his chin, which is already prominent (spoken- okay, written- by a heart-shaped face girl) and he, in contrast to Romo, needs to draw the emphasis outwards in a fuller beard.


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Heart shaped  

What do y’all think?  Do you Fear the Beard(s)?  Think it’s time to shave them off?  Ideas for a new tradition?

X’s and O’s,

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Since we’re, you know, talking about facial hair.  And sports.  Not that I’m recommending this mustache for the ‘pen, or anything.

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My Selection Process for Liking Teams & What CJ Wilson and Viggo Mortensen Have in Common

After the Roy Halladay no-hitter yesterday, I was reminded how much I love baseball, no matter the team.  And what Halladay has done this year is just so, incredibly awesome.  I don’t know of another word to describe it.  But it also got me thinking, How does one become a fan of a certain team?  Why do I enjoy watching this team more than that team?   I know some kids grow up with parents who are fans and get it from them, but it wasn’t that way for me.  My parents weren’t into baseball at all.  I fell in love with baseball after spending a lot, a lot of time at Little League games and then AT&T Park and Renel captured my heart.  I started listening on the radio a little.  A lot.  Every day.  (That was the progression.)  I think in the end it was Jon Miller, Dave Flemming, Kruk and Kuip who made me the fan th
at I am today.  And it was the overall vibe of the Giants that made me love them.  And Barry Zito.  Kidding, sort of.

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Why aren’t there pictures anywhere of all four of them together?  Photo op, coming right up.

But my other allegiances may seem a little random.  Rangers, for instance?  (Who, by the way, I called to win the World Series months ago and was made fun of.  Let’s wait and see.)  It was their name, in that case.  I am a huge Lord of the Rings fan (you may have known that) and any other LOTRites will know that Aragorn is a ranger, from the North.  So the Texas Rangers always make me think of a tall, dark king of Men.  Then Bengie got traded and I started following CJ Wilson on Twitter and… the rest is history.


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My two favorite Rangers

The Brewers.  I’d like to pretend it had nothing to do with their 2007 ROY left-fielder (hint: his initials are R and B) but it kind of does.  It also because I’ve always been interested in losing teams.  It’s a mixture of interest and just feeling sorry for them and the stares that you get while rooting for the Brewers in San Francisco are pretty priceless.  That’s also why I like the Pirates, a litte bit.  In addition, they have Joe Martinez (well, their AAA affiliate has him, actually), who I am a big fan of which is another reason to root for the Steel City.

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Joe Martinez.  I miss him.

And the A’s… it was their stadium.  I may be the first person to say this about The Coliseum but I love it.  (Do I get in the Diamond Girl Record Book, if I am the first?)

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It’s quirky, it’s unique and it fits them.  That’s not an insult, Athletics.  (By the way, least subtle name ever?)  If they feel they need a new stadium, though, I hope they stay in Oakland.  They fit here.  The Las Vegas Athletics?  Not good.  I could think of a few names, though, if they do move to Las Vegas.  New blog post, coming right up?  Perhaps.

So.  Question time.  Raise your hand before you answer, please.  How did you become a fan of “your team”?  If it has to do with one left fielder, that’s okay.  You’re in good company.

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Diamond Girl

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Barry Zito Needs a Hug and 9 Other Reasons He Might Be Struggling

Zito is not really pitching that well.  Understatement of the Modern Era.  I’ve talked about this before, so I’m just going to cut to the chase:  I have some theories.  Without further ado, please welcome the theories.  ::cue clapping and a few whoops::

 

1.  He needs a hug.  A real, I-believe-in-you, you-can-do-this, hug.

 

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2.  He needs a time-out.  Not like a skipped start, like a time-out, like they give to pre-schoolers.

 

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3.  Powder went missing.  Perhaps was made into a unicorn-burger by a rich San Francisco guy.  Not Barry Zito.  A different rich San Francisco guy.

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Incidentally… do you think Powder and Barry go to the same hair stylist? 

4.  The Brian Wilson attitude rubbed off on him and he thinks it’s dramatic and fun to mix things up and be a first half pitcher, instead, this year.

 

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6.  He figured some record book, some time, might put him in if he never has an ERA under 4.00 while on the Giants.  It’s true, some record book might.  Like the SF Diamond Girl Record Book.  But I can’t think of any other ones.

 

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7.  He misses Bengie.  I do, too.

 

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8.  John Mayer quit Twitter and so Barry got depressed.  Despite the fact that he official quit Twitter a while time ago, he still might be on it.  Secretly.  ::cue conspiracy music::

 

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9.  Chris Rose, Evil Spirit, has it in for him and sticks pins in his voodoo doll before every start.  I want to see this voodoo doll.  I wonder if it really looks like him.  Capturing his complex spirit in a tiny doll might be, you know, complex?  For lack of a better word.

 

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10.  He thinks the idea of being an 126 million dollar cheerleader (that term was coined by Henry Schulman) is interesting.  I do, too.  If someone wants to give me the job instead, feel free to.  Do cheerleaders get special names, like rapper names?  ‘Cause if so, I want to be Psychic Seagull.


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Diamond Girl

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