Who honestly thought we would win last night? This has nothing to do with my personal like or dislike of Matt Cain- in fact, I only dislike him because of the obvious fact that he combs his hair when it’s dry, huge no-no for curly haired folks. This has to do with the fact that it would be way too easy to win in three. Or in four. I think this one’s going five games. The 2010 Giants don’t do things the easy way and we should all know that by now. I’m guilty, too. I thought they’d win last night. I always hold the lingering hope they’ll change their ways, but who changes their ways in the postseason? (The correct answer is: no one. A+ for all of you, who answered right.)
But what I really want to talk about is why I no longer Fear the Beard(s). To be quite honest, I never Feared them and always thought they were basically ugly but they worked, so how could I complain? And since Brian Wilson will probably never be a male model (who knows, high fashion is attracted to interesting or odd faces) it’s more important for him to pitch well. Same with the rest of the bullpen. But I think they took it too far. Game 1 of the postseason, the bullpen was not needed. Game 2, it was. And it failed, majorly. I think the bullpen is doomed for the postseason. I’m not saying this because they had one day where they were whacked out, because that obviously doesn’t denote failure forever, I’m saying it because I think the beards have done their job. In the past tense. And it’s time to do something new. Like dye their eyebrows orange. That was just an example, not a suggestion.
Can we call it “The Brian Wilson Beard”, like “The Mona Lisa Smile”?
Moreover, the beards are really not well suited to their wearers. I did a little research on what face shapes a few of the bullpen guys have as well as beard shapes and here’s what I came up with.
Brian Wilson- Oval
An oval face is very forgiving, beard-wise, but Wilson’s complexion is not. The darkness of color, instead of being menacing, ends up looking strange. It washes out his face, particularly his skin and eyes. In addition, his beard is at the “not-sure” point. Not short enough to be “I forgot my razor” and not quite long enough to be “I have a beard”. If nothing else, the color should go.
Sergio Romo- Round
Romo’s round face is overwhelmed by volume on the sides. It’s important to draw the focus to the center with spiky hair and volume and length near the inside of the beard rather than on the corners of the jaw.
Jeremy Affeldt- Heart shaped
Affeldt has a heart-shaped face, which is rarer among men and therefore more tricky. His goatee emphasizes his chin, which is already prominent (spoken- okay, written- by a heart-shaped face girl) and he, in contrast to Romo, needs to draw the emphasis outwards in a fuller beard.
What do y’all think? Do you Fear the Beard(s)? Think it’s time to shave them off? Ideas for a new tradition?
X’s and O’s,
p.s. Since we’re, you know, talking about facial hair. And sports. Not that I’m recommending this mustache for the ‘pen, or anything.