Monthly Archives: September 2010

Why Johnny Depp Should Be a PA Announcer and the Rangers Should Have Sprayed Orange Juice

I adore Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the 2005 version.  I can’t find the clip online, but some of you probably know the scene when the children first come to the factory when you can hear Willy Wonka’s voice (Johnny Depp) saying “Please enter.”, “Close the gates.”  The voiceover is fantastic.  So, you know, when Renel retires he could take over?  We couldn’t pay him as much as Tim Burton, maybe, but we could give him some nice homemade brownies.  Mmmmm… homemade brownies… I volunteer to make them.


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Picture of brownies is my own, not a stock photo.  Photo of Willy Wonka is not mine.  ::Cue “duhs”::

More importantly, perhaps… the Rangers clinched in Oakland on Saturday, which made me very happy.  I didn’t end up going to any of the game but 2011 is filled with promise.  I will see them.  So I know CJ Wilson doesn’t drink and he said he was going to wear swim goggles and not drink any of it and Josh Hamilton, a recovering alcoholic, skipped the party altogether.  In this situation, why not create a new idea so that you can include all your players?

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This photo is obviously taken by me, with my exclusive pass to the Yankees clubhouse.  Once again, cue the duhs.

I honestly hate the champagne parties at all.  They are so contrived and commercialized at this point, that I don’t really think they’re fun or exciting.  The locker rooms are all taped off for easy clean-up and the cameras are all set up.  I am still hoping for a team to come out and show their unique player and coach personalities and use orange juice and make a real mess.  Why orange juice?  It’s healthy, not tremendously sticky and, I mean, no one’s in rehab for orange juice addiction.  It’s also unexpected.  The Rangers have battled bankruptcy, have a low payroll, young GM… why not embrace that and show respect and appreciation for your players who don’t drink alcohol and use orange juice? 

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Um, no.  Not taken by me.  I have better ways to waste my time than photographing orange juice bottles.

Since the Rangers didn’t do it, the Giants could.  Or do you think the league would make them die half the juice black?

Diamond Girl

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What Timmy Did Right and Why I Don’t Like Catchers

I am counting the days ’til the Giants champagne party when they clinch the Division Title.  It’s coming, I feel it in my Ellen-Page-inspired-bangs, which never lie.  Rangers v. Giants World Series, too.  I’m calling it.

I don’t want to give you all the impression that I’m hair obsessed… but I am, a little bit.  (::Cue image of me flat-ironing my hair for an hour and staring at pictures in Elle magazine::)  So you know Tim Lincecum has been pitching exceptionally well this month, in serious contrast to his August performance.  People are saying that is because he’s gone back to his long-toss program, but I notice his hair is looking a lot better.  Which would, of course, mean that he stopped using the blowdryer.

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Before (July 2010):  Hair looks frizzy and blow-dried

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After (September 2010): Hair looks smooth and air-dried

As I mentioned in my previous post, linked to above, the negative impact of using a blow-dryer is the stress on the wrist, which could be problematic for his pitching.

By the way, I’ve discovered my excuse for not being a giant Buster Posey fan: I’m just not that into catchers.  I love Bengie and JoPo but I’ve just never become a huge fan of a catcher.  Here’s why:  I can’t see their faces.  This isn’t about nice eyes or eyebrows, it’s more just watching them mentally go through the game.  I started thinking about this because of what Jane Heller said in her book, Confessions of the She-Fan, about why she liked baseball as opposed to football or hockey and she said because of the lack of gear.  One of my favorite plays in the game, actually, is a catcher’s throw down to 2nd base and the catcher often rips off his mask before making that throw.

Am I crazy?  I’m very curious to hear other people’s opinions.

Diamond Girl

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I Love U, Ryan Braun

Photo says it all, right?  My sister and I went the Giants v. Brewers game yesterday and rooted for the BrewCrew all out.  I also went to their batting practice and held up my sign and while Ryan did not come over and ask to marry me (unfortunate), Jeremy Jeffress did throw me a ball and laughed at me when I missed it.  And.  Memo to the pitching coach: it isn’t polite to stare.  You may have learned that in kindergarten.

The game was pretty dismal other than Braun’s performance.  Needless to say, I held the sign high after his incredible, incredible catch (memo to Ryan: it’s isn’t cool to look pleased with yourself.  You should act like you that all the time.  But you do have a beautiful smile) and hit the two run blast.

I basically left the game thinking, Why do they hit like mad the only game I root against them? and There are better ways to die than suffocating on a BART train.

It’s actually interesting, in a weird way, to root against “your” team in person, to see everything from another perspective.  You should try it some time.  But not in a pennant race, if possible.  That makes things a little bit more sticky.

In any case, I’ll be back out the weekend of July 22nd, 2011 to cheer for my Brewers, unless someone wants to fly me out to Milwaukee the weekend of May 27th.

Next stop, The Coliseum to show some Texas pride.  Which may or may not be popular.  I will have a sign again, I think.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  FYI, it’s “I Love U” with a “U” because there wasn’t room for a “you”.  I wasn’t trying to be the hip teenage girl that I am.

 

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Why isn’t the Wild Card Wild?

Another example of my psychic qualities: Ryan Braun had two doubles last night.  No matter that he’s batting .390 this year, those doubles were because of me. 

Anyway.  Yes, you heard me.  This is going to sound crazy but just imagine for a moment if, in addition to the six division champions, two teams were chosen at random for the “wild card”.  Imagine the tension at the press conference, which would stream live at mlb.com, where Bud Selig would choose names out of a hat.  Okay, maybe I’m imagining Steve Jobs’ press conference earlier this month, but still…

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It would add an interesting twist if, say, the Orioles got into the playoffs and beat everyone else.  Maybe giving a team a second life would inspire them into playing really, really well.

I think my problem with the name originates from playing Uno too many times as a young child.  I don’t remember the game very well, so correct me if I’m wrong, but I think there’s something pretty wild about the Wild Card in that game.  Which is what leads me to this argument.

If no one goes for this idea, I would suggest a name change.  The “Wild Card” really implies something wild.  Or at least one something along the lines of the cosmetics brand, “Wet ‘N Wild”. 

Just to be clear, I am rooting for the Giants and Ryan Braun.  Which is to say when Braun bats, I’m basically rooting for him but otherwise I’m totally a Giantette.  I’m going to the game tomorrow and I may be carrying a sign.  Pictures will be posted.  Stay tuned.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  “Beat Milwah!” doesn’t sound good.  Let’s limit that to the Dodgers, Padres and D-Backs, please.

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Let’s Have a Hand for the Base Coaches!

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That’s the bumper sticker I want on my car.  If I had a car.  Dream car, by the way, is a BMW, like the one in The Ghost Writer.  Beautiful car and the GPS system can take you to the last place the predecessor at your job, who was murdered, visited.  It might even lead you to the same fate.  One more reason to want that car.

Anyway, my point is: I © Tim Flannery.  He won my heart forever when he told the story about him and Bochy on Inside the Clubhouse, Spring 2010.  “I’m 1-0, buddy.  Where’s the press conference?”  Great story. 

So my fondness for Flann has led me to notice that when the base coaches are announced (for the Giants, Roberto Kelly and Tim Flannery), no one cheers.  Except me, of course.  If you’re at the park sometime and hear someone cheering when the names are announced, look for me.  Or one of my family members or friends, smirking and clapping, in honor of my absence.

I know some people have a problem with Flannery’s coaching, but as Mychael Urban said, “he’s too entertaining to move.”  So for unbelievers, I suggest turning him into a cheerleader.  As you probably know, I am pioneering an idea for traditional, female cheerleaders in baseball, but MLB may not be ready for women in sparkly outfits to be on the field, so former coaches might be a good alternative.  Tim gets really into it and I think he’d be a fantastic cheerleader.

However you feel about it, please cheer next time the base coaches are announced.  In honor of me.  Thank you.

And about the new Giants new ad campaign, “It’s September Inside”?   You don’t say.  Last I checked it was September outside, too.

Diamond Girl

p.s.  Just to finish up on the fashion topic, CJ Wilson said, “I normally wear black [...] I just feel like if you’re going to look bad, you don’t stick it out in black.”  We have found our MLB player with the best fashion sense.  Best hair, best fashion sense.  I think he’s going to win it all, along with his team.

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