I went and ate ice cream to celebrate the All-Star Break (because, you know, I’ve been working so hard) and I got to thinking: the All-Star Game adds a lot to the MLB season. As Aubrey Huff said recently, it may not be right to make something like the World Series depend on it (home field advantage) but it’s a fun thing and it creates tons of buzz, for sure. And then I got an idea for something else that would create buzz and be fun. And this letter to the commissioner was born.
Dear Mr. Selig,
For a while now when I go to the ballpark, I’ve thought, Something is missing. When I saw this picture from the Strikeouts for Troops holiday party last year, I thought, We’re missing cheerleaders! So I got to thinking and here are my top 5 reasons we ought to have some MLBettes (just one idea for the name):
1. Morale. Cheerleaders add an upbeat, fun aura to the field.
2. Jobs. As of April 2010, we have a 9.5% unemployment rate in the US. Let’s create some jobs, MLB! Besides the actual cheerleaders, we’re creating jobs for the people who make their costumes, run their limos etc. Doing something positive for our community is always something MLB has promoted and cheerleading totally plays into that.
3. Charity work. We need some of our own pretty faces (besides the players, of course) to support the charities, which there are sort of an abundance of in the American Pastime.
4. Ban the football cheers. I’ve been wondering why we say “chaaarge!” at baseball games. Hate to break it to you, but we don’t really, exactly “charge” in baseball. We need some of our own cheers, tailored just for baseball! (Please see below for some baseball cheers, courtesy of my little brother’s Little League team.)
5. Girl jobs. In this era of equality, some girl jobs on the field are definitely in order. And what better girl tribute than sparkly MLB uniforms and pom-poms?
If you’re not already convinced, I’d like to volunteer to be a one-woman squad for a few games- at no cost, my pleasure- and see what the reception is. I will await your call.
Some cheers to get you started:
48’s his number!
Pablo is his na-ame!
He’s one of the reasons
We’re gonna win this ga-ame!
Hey super-man with a bat in your hand,
Knock it out! (clap, clap) Knock it out! (clap clap)
We’re red, we’re hot
We’re R-E-D, we’re H-O-T,
we’re number one as you can see!
We’re good, we know it
We’re here, to show it
And what you see is what you get
and you ain’t seen no nothing yet!
Go, go Giants! Go, go, go Giants!
(when someone gets a ball called on them)
G-DOUBLE O-D-E-Y-E [emphasize EYE)
Good eye, good eye, good eye
(when someone gets a strike called on them)
You seen it, you saw it, now put your bat right on it!
You saw it, you seen it, now hit it like you mean it!
(when someone gets out)
That’s alright, that okay,
we can win it anyway!
Extra, extra read all about it!
Timmy’s gonna get a hit, no doubt about it!