“Baseball Players Get Out Their Other Job Complex Night” Proposal
Dissatisfied baseball players.
You know of whom I speak. Not to, well, name any names but you know them. They’re the baseball players who, while they do love baseball and all that, really wish they could do something else. They’d trade their Cy Young Award for a Grammy (sorry, Barry) or gladly spend their summers zooming around in a strangely shaped race car (sorry, CJ darling, but now that you’re an Angel my ripping license has arrived). There are more of them. And while we can tolerate and snicker occasionally, it’s generally no biggie. Baseball players have a knack for being dissatisfied. We know this.
But how to deal with it, when it get especially maddening?
(To be clear, I’m not talking about baseball players who have interests aside from throwing a ball around on a grassy field. I’m talking about those players who make it really, painfully clear that this is merely a day job and their true talent lies somewhere else. See above photos for some cases in point of this phenomenon.)
Aside from kicking them out of the ballpark and denying them dinner for a few nights, which does seem like a rather appealing option at certain, particularly terrible moments.
But short of that… what about a more politic solution?
Here’s what I‘m thinking: a Baseball Players Get Out Their Other Job Complex Night at the ballpark! The crowd buys tickets like usual and takes their seats but the ballplayers, instead of playing baseball, display their alternate talent that they have been craving to try out.
This will achieve two things! First of all, it would be endless comedy for the viewers. Sorry, MLBers. You look funny doing anything other than playing baseball and most especially when crooning country music. The other thing it would achieve is assisting ballplayers to get this alternate talent out of their system. Once they do it in front of a crowd, they’ll realize that they vastly prefer playing baseball and perhaps weren’t even that good at the second thing to start with.
And if it goes fantastically and they don’t come to that conclusion?
No prob, y’all. After BPGOTOJCN (which is, in case you were wondering, the acronym for Baseball Players Get Out Their Other Industry Complex Night) the unions could make a new rule that would allow for players and teams to get out of their contracts, no strings attached, and the players can then go and pursue their other dream.
And there’d be another clause in there that allows the player to come back begging for that contract to please come back, for a maximum of three months after. I, personally, would put money on 99.9% of them utilizing this clause, but that’s beside the point.
The point is that we’d have a really, really great night at the ballpark and, oh, TV networks? A whole lot of viewership, too.
Should MLB hire me as their special events planner (in addition to commissioner, of course) or what?!
Rhetorical question, by the way. Don’t bother answering.
Diamond Girl
The Hypothetical Game of Tigers vs. Giants
Let’s do a little hypothetical game here called, “Tigers vs. Giants”. Now, this never happens, except in times like last year’s Interleague Play, but that’s no matter because I’m not talking about a game game between the two. I’m talking about the rosters, lined up next to each other and Dave Dombrokswi and Brian Sabean, nose to nose.
First off, I’m a Giants fan, not a Tigers fan. (Well, duh.) So I am slanted to believe that the Giants are the absolute best team ever and all that. But like many San Fran’ers at the moment, I think, I’m a little frustrated and not completely believing that despite myself. Make that mucho frustrated, Los Gigantes.
The two big MLB deals that went down yesterday were interesting juxtapositions, in that sense. In case you missed ‘em or just like my fabulous recaps:
The Tigers signed first baseman Prince Fielder to a nine year deal, worth $214 million dollars. Close your mouth. I know that’s a big deal, but it doesn’t suit your face shape.
The Giants, meanwhile, reportedly reached a two-year deal with our resident oddball (one of many, that is) Tim Lincecum, worth $40.5 million, which sets him as the highest paid Giant ever, per year’s salary. The Giants could very well still lock up Lincecum for many more years, before he becomes a free agent, but for now, it’s two years.
The deals are obviously different, in that Prince was a free agent and Timmy was not, Prince is a hitter and Timmy is not. (No, really, he’s not. Have you seen the clips of him trying to hit?) But all the talk about the Fielder deal- from both the supporters of t and the people who think Dombrowski is more than a little nuts- has raised some interesting questions.
Some people say this kind of move by the Tigers is a statement that the organization is in it to win it and has a strong commitment to the team and the fans. Just about everyone says this makes the Tigers a whole lot better.
I don’t believe that teams should make moves to mollify fans or make it seem like they’re committed- sometimes the best commitment management can make is to sit back and let things evolve. But there is still something there, in the Giants management, that reads distinctly like, “We have no plan,” to me, myself and I. And no plan = no good.
I know that a big part of the Timmy deal is that he doesn’t want a long-term contract and there’s nothing we can all do about that. (Except make him cupcakes. That might work, actually.) But maybe, just maybe, that has something to do with the dragon that cannot spit fire that is the San Francisco Giants right now. Not to say the Giants should sign a hitter for $214 million. I don’t think they should, in fact. But if they’re not going to do that they might, er, explore other options?
And I’m not talking about breaking Orlando Cabrera out of retirement here.
In the end, it’s not really Tigers vs. Giants. More one philosophy vs. no perceived philosophy. You can guess who wins.
Dear January 24th in Giants history: you may now go disappear. Thanks. xoxo.
Diamond Girl
p.s. Not to be all downer on you today, but Posada retirement? Sniff-sniff. That is all.
The Case Against Prince
I, like many others, have a soft spot for Prince Fielder. Aside from his fabulous hitting skills, he comes across like a great big teddy bear and the kind of guy you would most definitely want on your poison– I mean, team of choice.
Which is why I would rather not make a case against Prince. But with all this talk of a five thousand year deal, with $20 million plus per year, I feel the need to make this case.
First of all, in general, we all know to avoid deals like that at all costs. But if someone comes up who really seems like they might bring balance to the Force, then it is occasionally okay to put out one of those massive contracts.
But to me, Prince Fielder just doesn’t seem like the kind of guy you want for all that time. He’s an amazing ballplayer at this point but I think there’s definitely doubt as to how well his body type can hold up over a long period of time and when we’re talking eight to ten years, that’s something that should factor in, in a big way.
For the Rangers in particular, I don’t think Prince makes sense. They’re already sitting on empty pockets, pretty much, and although Mitch Moreland has his doubters, I think he could make a perfectly sound first baseman and I think signing Josh Hamilton, injury-prone-ness and all, to a multi-year deal makes much more sense for me.
I wish Prince made sense with the Rangers, to me, because how fun would that be? But I don’t think he does. Texas does things big, we know that, but I still believe the emphasis should be (and is) on player development and scouting. Darvish was a potential triumph, in that sense. Although he is a semi-veteran and obviously cost loads of money, it also could symbolize success for the Rangers in their Japan scouting missions. In essence, it goes along with what they’re trying to do, the system they’re trying to set up.
Prince Fielder? Not so much.
Besides, I doubt he’d look that good in a cowboy hat.
Diamond Girl
p.s. Battle of the Bowties! Brauny and Dave Robertson at the BBWAA dinner a couple nights ago. I’m saying Robertson wins this fashion faceoff because Ryan’s velvet suit is a little too greasy Vito Corleone for my taste, but what do you all think?
For Those of You Who Thought That Baseball Had Turned All Scientific…
…check out this quote from a (very good) story on the Rangers website this afternoon, about their scouting and signing efforts in the east and Darvish in particular, of course. Then check out this quote:
“It was co-owner Bob Simpson who decided on the specific $51.7 million bid. The Rangers officially made it $51,703,411. The 34 was Ryan’s jersey number. The 11 was Darvish’s number. The Rangers were hoping for a little luck with their bid.”
Baseball is scientific, say what?
They should just pull a Dodgers move and get a guru, too, if they’re needing a bit of luck.
In another note, the hair on this guy!
He may be replacing CJ in more than that rotation spot. (coughBestHairCrowncough)
I mean, I might suggest that he add a little more red, rather than that orange, because it could compliment his skin tones more and he also needs to do something about that goatee, but… he’s definitely on the right track.
Not to mention that his suit at the presser was pretty great (let’s not talk about the potential, ahem, leaf on his t-shirt at the airport). Maybe he’ll prove himself super fashionable! My stoked-levels are just going up and up.
Photo from @andrewnadlervt on Twitter, because I am not that fast a screen-grabber.
Welcome to Texas, Darvish. And if you ever need more suggestions for things to do ‘round there, just shoot me a singing telegram/hot air balloon/carrier pigeon.
‘K? ‘K.
Diamond Girl
p.s. That article I linked to at the beginning? You should definitely read it. There’s A.J. Preller love in it, my friends. We love him too, over here at Diamonds are a Girl’s Best Friend. Which is a one-girl show. So that is to say, I love him. Over here.
Belated Celebration Time!
So according to Wikipedia this is old news (as in, it happened on December 21st) but I only just heard it about it, so I’m celebrating now. Better late than never, right?
Here’s the news: Eugenio Velez is now a St. Louis Cardinal!
Confetti, please?
Thanks.
Now you know I can’t stand the Cardinals, especially after That Game That I Do Not Mention in last season’s World Series, but I reckon they’re a little higher on the list of Teams I Loathe than the Dodgers, so this is a step in the right direction.
I know that many (most?) Giants fans are not that… fond, shall we say, of Velez, but I am and I’m excited that he has another opportunity. And I will defend him til the day I die about the whole dropped-ball-rain-thing. If you are anti-Velez and feel in the mood to annoy yourself, you can read that post here.
Anyhow, however you feel about Eugenio, you’ve got to admit that Cardinal Red should suit his complexion rather nicely. Better than blue or orange. Progress, people. Progress.
Diamond Girl
Revealing the Real Reason Behind Sabean’s Splurges
I am now going to say something I don’t think I’ve been able to say all offseason. So this is, like, history. Ready? Okay. Here ‘tis:
There is lots to talk about!
I know, completely gasp-worthy.
But with the arbitration deadline looming, Spring Training sneaking closer and today being Official Obsess About Yu Darvish Day (that is, Darvish Signing Deadline Day) it’s actually true.
It would also probably explain why I am in a very smiley mood right this second. People have actually quit talking about some madness they call “49ers” and are discussing our darling Giants.
Among a lot of people I have never heard of, some guy named Pablo Sandoval settled a three year extension with SF coming out to three years for $17.15 million as well as Nate Schierholtz and $1.3 million, Santiago Casilla at $2.2 million and Melky Cabrera at $6 million.
There was a study a while back that I am having no luck finding (probably because, yes, half the internet is blacked out and pretending to be censored) about how people spend more in the first few months of the year because they’re depressed by the cold weather and therefore reaching for their wallets for some impulse buys.
Let me tell you, we are having some seriously depressing weather in the Bay Area right now. Blue Monday was two days ago. It’s no wonder Sabes wants to do some retail therapy.
While he’s at it? He should, for pity’s sake, give Timmy what he wants.
Okay, fine. Just kidding. (Not about Timmy, about the other stuff.) I know he needed to sign these people. And aside from Casilla who I am no way shape or form sold on, I’m pretty good with all of the deals. There is, of course, the fact that the 2012 squad is liable to look a good deal like the 2011 squad, Andres Torres look-alike and possible act-alike (that is, Angel Pagan) in CF and all but it… could be worse than 2011, I suppose.
On the bright side, maybe the Diamondbacks will be terrible!
(Yes, I am being depressing. I know. Blame the weather, yo.)
As for Darvish, Jon Daniels announced that the Rangers and Yu have made a deal for six years, worth $60 million, and although JD basically looked like death warmed over (blame the late night negotiations, not the weather for that one) I was seriously stoked. For one, that’s a lot of boxes of pasta/BMWs Darvish can buy, right there. And also, I mean, there’s the little fact that the Rangers have a fabulous new pitcher for their rotation. Which is kind of good news. To brighten up the depressingness.
Diamond Girl
p.s. In case you were left at the edge of your seat from my last post, I will put you out of your misery now and inform you that I am indeed boycotting the Golden Globes for the next hundred years. Definitely. Probably. Maybe. We’ll see, actually. No matter what, Howard Shore is still God and still should have won.
You Know, Yu Knows Plus Some Vaguely Out of Place Golden Globes Talk
Wednesday, January 18th, 2012 is the deadline for the Rangers and Yu Darvish to come to a deal and it may be a historic day. Or it may not, but either way, it should be interesting. You know. Yu knows. Well, I don’t know if Yu knows yet but I’m sure he knows a little more than we all do because the Rangers have been characteristically mum about the negotiations.
At this point, I am seriously hoping they are able to work a contract out. I’m getting excited about the idea of seeing Darvish pitch over here and I think it would make those Rangers a whole lot better as well.
If you are out there, Jon Daniels? (Or even if you aren’t.) Do us all a favor and sign Darvish. If nothing else, we’ll get a season full of Yu jokes.
Then again, if it doesn’t work out with him and the Rangers, maybe they’ll be all the more motivated/have the funds to go after Prince. I do rather like Mitch Moreland, but Prince in that lineup would be, as Josh Hamilton put it, “pretty ridiculous”.
Not to mention, they both have very good, late-night-joke worthy names.
All is well in Ranger-Land.
In movie award show land? Not so much.
I filled out my Golden Globes ballot for tonight and came to the regrettable conclusion that the only category I really care about the year is Best Soundtrack, which has to go to Howard Shore forHugo or I will boycott for the next hundred or so years.
Speaking of Things Which Should Not Win: Moneyball. Which took a perfectly solid concept and put Brad Pitt (‘nuff said) in it and confused everything about it that was simple. And made itself an instant member of the Atrocious Baseball Movie Hall of Fame. You know I couldn’t stand it. I’ve said that before. But with the award season here, my feverous feelings have come right back up.
Then there is the ultimate, existential question: who is better looking?
If it wins anything tonight, I will… yep, you guessed it. Boycott.
At this rate, it seems alarmingly likely that I will be boycotting this show in future years.
Let’s just say it’s been a rather unfortunate year in film.
2012 has got to be better. What with The Hobbit and… The Hobbit. And The Hobbit.
Can you tell I’m a little bit excited?
Maybe Elijah Wood will show up in another green velvet suit tonight and make my viewing time worth it. A girl can dream.
Diamond Girl
And Diogenes of Sinope Thought He Was a Cynic…
Well, he probably was. He lived in a tub on the streets of Athens, for goodness’ sake. That should probably be enough to earn him the title of Certified Cynic.
But the Ultimate Certified Cynic? (Who is, perhaps by coincidence, also the Ultimate Tim Lincecum Fan?)
No, she came about 2397 years later. Her name was Diamond Girl. And she had a dual personality, part of which was very optimistic and nice and rooted for Joey Martinez to have a huge comeback and win a Cy Young Award and the other part of which was… skeptical of Ryan Vogelsong. Very skeptical. You can lynch me now, Giants fans.
It’s not that I don’t want to root for Vogelsong. He’s a completely root-worthy guy and a darn good pitcher, too, but I can’t help wondering if the terrible baseball word “fluke” is at play here (that would be, fluke). Which is awfully cynical of me, but there you have it.
And that’s why when I heard about the two year, $8.3 million the Giants gave him earlier this week, I felt torn. Vogelsong has earned that security fair and square and I don’t doubt that he deserves the deal. I think I just feel that, in some way, this is a sentimental deal on the part of Sabes et al. Good stories only go so far and that’s not very far at all, when we’re talking about the actual playing field.
But you know what? I hope that he comes out over the next two years and completely proves my skepticism wrong and tears it up. Because that would be a good story. And I am rooting for it, in truth.
Forget it, Diogenes of Sinope can have the Ultimate Cynic title back. I am softie at heart.
Diamond Girl
p.s. You should still sign my petition to help me become the new commish of Major League Baseball. And make all your friends, too. Tempt them with chocolate fudge. Trust me, it works.
10 Things I Promise If You Make Me Commissioner of Major League Baseball
We need to talk about Bud. Yes, that is a play on the weird horror-ish indie movie that is making waves right now with Tilda Swinton, We Need to Talk About Kevin. It’s about a… serial killer. Kid. Teen. I think. Something like that.
Slightly unfair, seeing as Bud is not (that I know of) a serial killer kid person, but he is, well, a commissioner who won’t go away.
So not completely unfair.
Look, I don’t want to seem ungrateful. I understand that Selig has done many fabulous things for Major League Baseball and is passing up the awesome opportunity to teach at the University of Wisconsin to (probably) keep being commissioner for a couple more years, but still. Really? Two more years of this at 20 million a pop (year)?
I mean, I could do the job for a tiny fraction of that cost and probably make everyone happier while I’m at it. No offense, Selig. I have serious respect for you. There is just… shall we say, too much of a good thing. Yeah. That’s it.
So! 10 reasons I would make a fabulous commissioner!
10. I promise there will be a chicken in every dugout. Live. And squawking. Take that, Herbert Hoover. You were just one-upped.
9. I promise to swiftly and promptly discard any idea of the commissioner being out of touch by having one of those nine hour meet-and-greets a la Taylor Swift. Hey, she’s pretty darn popular. And We All Belong With Her and she is not Mean. (So punny, I know.)
8. I promise that whoever wants a new stadium will get one. Seriously. We’ll fund them with bake sales and car washes and all that and I also got this idea from some homeless people I saw the other day to give away friendship bracelets on the street with a humble sign asking for donations. People melt. Such is the power of friendship bracelets. A’s, you are getting new stadium!
7. I promise to kiss lotsa babies and shake lotsa hands. Granted. Next, please.
6. I promise to only love u, Ryan Braun from afar, so as not to seem all Brewer sympathetic. Gotta learn from your predecessors, people.
5. I promise that my first action will be to unequivocally ban the hideous rainbow uniforms that the Marlins are currently plotting to don next season. You are goin’ down, hideous unis. The End.
4. I promise to do weekly web streams where you (my minions, that is) can all submit questions via chat, Twitter, Facebook, whatever. There will also be prizes. Cracker jacks. Stuff like that. It will be fun. (Maybe.)
3. I promise that I will not go by a silly nickname. Looking at you, Bud. (FYI, Diamond Girl does not count as silly. Just to be clear on that.)
2. I promise to be the first commissioner to have a Twitter. @AwesomeCommissioner or something like that. Hashtag parties will ensue, rest assured.
1. I promise to be a completely fab commissioner and retire at a (semi) reasonable time.
M’kay? Sound good?
No need to answer that one. I know it sounds super good.
I’m decided to make this official and made a petition, in fact, that you can sign right here:
http://www.gopetition.com/petitions/emily-for-commissioner.html
If you want me as the new Major League Commissioner, sign it, pass it along to your fabulous friends and let’s do this thing!
Diamond Girl
Time is Ticking
I get equal parts very nervous and very excited when people rattle off their Spring Training countdowns. (According to a website I recently discovered called www.springtrainingcountdown.com) it’s currently at 40 days, 9 hours, 35 minutes and 25 seconds.)
Excited? Need I say why?
Nervous? Yes, I should probably say why. Why: because time is ticking.
(Incidentally, you should maybe/probably/definitely watch the clip that the above screenshots are from here, because Alice in Wonderland, 2010 version, is one of the most wonderful movies you are ever likely to see in your lifetime. Not to mention, it has provided some pretty good material for my blog.)
To put it frankly, every hour we get closer to Spring Training makes the magic of the offseason-anything-can-happen vibe fade a little. Really, we don’t even need the time and day to tell us that. The Giants management hasn’t been any sort of epitome of subtle and the likelihood is that we’ll be setting up camp in Arizona in a month or so with the guys we have at this moment. They’ve said that.
Which is, of course, not entirely bad. And I am partly excited about this upcoming year. I’m particularly excited to see Freddy Sanchez back in action and Melky Cabrera donning the orange and black and even if it’s not spectacular baseball, it’s baseball. Baseball = good. You knew that.
It’s really the mindset, probably, that’s messing with me. My mindset is still firmly placed in winter (because if I let it move on, hey, I wouldn’t get to make hot chocolate all the time) and the notion of starting the season up again makes me all squirmy and squeamish. Until I convince myself that smoothies are as good as hot chocolate, I will probably not be able to muster an appropriate amount of excitement for Catchers and Pitchers Reportin’ Day.
This is just proof that I almost as bad at being a beginning-of-the-season-fan as I am at being an end-of-the-season-fan.
Offseason of Hope, stay with me a little longer will you?
And bring your buddy Hot Chocolate too, please. He’s rather nice.
Diamond Girl
p.s. Believe me when I say I was tossing the idea for this blog post around in my head before the Obama/Alice in Wonderland party fiasco hit the news. Which is to say I am either totally a trendsetter or far too obsessed with Tim Burton films. The only thing I’m annoyed with Obama about right now is that I was not invited to aforementioned party.
sfdiamondgirl
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